Wednesday, May 6, 2009

a new chapter begins

hebrews 11:8 by faith abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going.

well, in a few short minutes i start a new chapter to my life. i have felt for a while now that turning 30 was going to be very significant in my life, and the Lord has used little things to confirm this to me.

one such confirmation was i finished writing in the very last couple pages of my journal that i have used (not as well as i should have) for the past 7 years tonight! i will start a new journal in a new year... a significant new year.

another is the timing of direction. i have had doors close at exactly the right time. strangely close. i would dare to say supernaturally close. a business that i have run for 5 years ended exactly at the 5 year mark, to the very day and completely out of my control. right before i turn 30... just days in fact. what have i felt the Lord speaking to me about these closed doors while i have sought Him for direction? i have felt strongly like He is so involved in it all... like He is really trying to get my attention. it is almost like i was just walking straight down my path and He suddenly made going straight no longer an option and He said, "now turn left." since i no longer have the option of straight... i sure am paying attention to what may be lying there to my left.

very specific and significant dreams have come to me the past couple weeks. a gal emailed me out of the blue, who has never emailed me before, to tell me she was praying for me and to encourage me in the very things i had spoke to no one about, when i had not even had a real conversation with her for around 7 years. someone tells me a song they had been singing they felt had to do with what God was doing with me... the words are right on in the exact place i feel i am in. many many little things like these just confirming His hand in my life.

a strange one? as i looked out of my hotel room tonight, my husband took me out of town as a surprise to celebrate, i saw one lone firework in the sky of ashland. totally out of the blue. it burst exactly when i happened to be looking and no more followed. bill did not see it, but only me. i am not saying that whoever set off that firework did it for me, but God sure used it to once again confirm: something new is beginning.

so... as i was once encouraged by a missionary friend of mine to always have closure with a country i leave and to leave on good terms because i can never know if i will ever come back to it, i want to do the same with this chapter of my life that ends because i have a feeling that as i start the new one it will be so different. goodbye chapter, season in life, good good place that the Lord has taught me so much about Himself, life, love, and the importance of the journey. i have had tears, laughter, life, and loss along the way. i will never forget how you have impacted who i am as a person and will be forever changed by just your presence and impacted on the rest of my life. parts have been very hard, but i would not trade a moment for all that i have gained in the nearness of the love of God. i am ready to now close the door. i am now opening another one - a different part of the journey. i am sure it will have its struggles and its joys and i am excited and anxiously anticipating what God has for me just beyond that threshold.

may it one day be said of me what i love in this poem called living eulogy:
she danced. she sang. she
took. she gave. she served.
she loved.
she risked. she
she dissented. she grew.
she enlivened. she saw.
she sweated. she changed. she
learned. she laughed.
she shed her skin, she
bled on the pages of her days,
she walked through walls, she
lived with intention.
m.a.r. heshey
here is to turning 30.



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