Monday, September 26, 2011

when the curse is reversed

Desktop Wallpaper with Water Reflection 
 photo by

i am incredibly thankful right now. i am 11.5 weeks pregnant with my #5 kiddo, and i am doing so much better than i could have ever imagined. i know that may not strike some people as incredible, but it is so beyond what i could ever even believe the Lord for... for me.

i know there are some out there that believe in supernatural childbirth and supernatural pregnancy, but i have never had one of those. i have had such a rough experience in real pain and hard times overall in the whole process of growing and birthing a child, that it is huge for me to try to muzzle my mouth to not complain and strengthen offense that tries to reside hidden in my heart. keep the mouth shut.

i know i am on a different page that many on this issue, but i don't actually believe the curse from genesis has been reversed. i am sure that people get a down payment taste of what it will be like, but the curse is a very real thing and when it is actually fully canceled, no woman will have to muster up all the faith she can to "believe" for a painless childbirth and child-rearing.  when the curse is reversed, man will no longer toil with the ground and have it bear thorns.  my backyard garden is plain testimony that the curse is still in full swing.  when the curse is reversed, there will be no more death.

death was the curse put on man when he rebelled.  but He promised a day was coming when there would be...




not by naming and claiming it.  no.  we will live forever and all the pain and suffering and fruitless labor of this life will finally be behind us.

and the little taste that i have right now of a pregnancy without vomiting really does put my hope in the resurrection to come - the time when He will literally raise up my body and i will be able to do all the things i have longed to do without the limitations i have faced all my life. it is exciting to have a small taste and think... wow, and it is going to be so much better than this!

it makes me long for the day when we will really live, not in shadow but in full light.  it makes me long to be reunited with those who have gone ahead and see those who ended so broken in bodies that are finally whole and see them skip and jump and dance and laugh, taking full deep breaths and know that we will never have the pain of parting again. i wonder where we will explore first.  there are so many places on this earth that i am sure i will not have the time to see and so many i would love to see again, and He is going to make the earth new and more beautiful than the most beautiful places i have seen right now.  that is unimaginable.

it makes me long to see my Savior face to face and finally really know Him the way i have longed to know Him. i am so broken right now and there are so many times when i long to press into Him, but my weakness and my inability to do the things i so long to do cause me to fail at the one thing i want most. this hope of finally seeing Him on His day motivates me to press on rather than wallow in days past that may not have gone as i would have liked.

knowing i am broken is not supposed to bring me shame. really that is just pride masking itself because it is somehow thinking i can do it on my own. knowing i am broken is to cause me to lean on the only One who can give me the grace to overcome.

He is so good to me.

334 - 346:

334. a helpful husband who has been bearing the brunt of the load of the house for the past decent amount of time while i have had so little energy being pregnant.  a gem of a man.

335. the Lord bringing needed provision... yet again.

336. my 4 boys who are growing up way too fast... time is flying by and i hope i am staying present enough to enjoy the time i have right now.

337. a heart for the sweet baby we have been praying for.

338. the grace and energy to run errands today that needed to get done.

339. the accomplishment on my 2 oldest boys' faces when they placed in their school's jog-a-thon - hard work and perseverance.

340. sleep when i am so tired.

341. reminders to focus my life on the things that really matter.

342. reading with Christ in the school of prayer by andrew murray and getting a fresh revelation on the mystery of the almighty God of the universe who calls Himself our Father.

343. a small taste of cooler weather in the middle of all this heat.

344. the relatively small amount of nausea i have had to battle this pregnancy.  i am seriously feeling so blessed and undeserving for the extra grace i have had this time around.

345. watching my boys play with their sports cards.  hearing their cute candid chatter about the players, the positions, the stats, and loving that they have so  much fun with it all.

346. in the midst of realizing how weak i am to do what i would like to do, the grace He gives me to not give up but to keep going step by step... day by day.

i am linked up at a holy experience. i would love to hear from you in the comments below!


Monday, September 5, 2011

coming next april...

 photo by Amaury Henderick

besides the fact that life has been busy with summer ending and school starting, i have a big reason for why i haven't been blogging much lately.  well, right now that reason is only the size of a green olive, but it is making a big impact on our lives.

we are having another baby!

i know some people may think we are crazy to have 5 kids, to venture into life as a family of 7, but we feel so blessed that the Lord would entrust us with another of His little ones to steward and nurture and teach about Him.  so very blessed.  i admit that having 5 kids in 8 years sounds crazy even to me!  i have figured out that i will be about 36 weeks pregnant on our 10 year anniversary... now that throws a kink in a 10 year getaway doesn't it?  i am thinking we will need to celebrate at 11 years like it was our 10 year.

i also feel blessed that so far this has been my best pregnancy.  pregnancy and i do not get along well.  with simeon i was throwing up for 24 of the 40 weeks - 6 months folks.  i ended up having other not so fun issues as well.  each and every one of my pregnancies i have been terribly sick for a long time. 

but this time it has been quite manage-able.  sure there has been nausea, but it seems like i can settle it down by eating.  other pregnancies i would eat and throw up anyway. 

so, i have been told 5 is a number of grace.  maybe this is my grace pregnancy?  that sounds awesome to me!  regardless of the reasons why, i have had extra grace this time around and i am so thankful. there are so many people who have been praying for me and i can feel it. 

i will be still be blogging from time to time, especially in sharing what i am thankful for because even with feeling much better i am feeling the need to focus on keeping my heart thankful with surging hormones messing with my emotions.  for the next couple weeks i am mainly focusing on resting and keeping this body healthy so that the rest of my pregnancy can go well.  i am hoping to get the 2nd trimester boost in about a month.  who know... maybe then i will blog more than ever before because of extra energy?! (perhaps wishful thinking, but that would be awesome!)

thank you for hanging with me as i embark on yet another great adventure. 

317 - 333:

317. the free tickets to the san francisco giants game that bill got for coaching t-ball and that he got to take all 3 of our older boys!

318. the awkward nature of transition.

319. my fully walking baby boy.

320. fresh peaches from farmer's market.

321. the wonderful school that asher and uriah are blessed to attend.

322. great trips down to fremont to visit convergence house of prayer.

323. air conditioning and shade trees on hot august days.

324. surprises.

325. our new baby who is expected to make an arrival sometime in the middle of april!

326. sleep.  can't seem to get enough of it these days.

327. an amazing, supportive, patient, helpful husband who is helping me get through this pregnancy each day.

328. a new piano student who seems like a great fit.

329. chickens who are laying eggs every day now.

330. my amazing, supportive, caring family.

331. the faithful provision of the Lord day by day.

332. that He is a rewarder of the things unseen.

333. having all the kids home this holiday morning.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

any new adventures going on with any of you?

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