introducing...

the wait is over...

introducing  

hosea justus

4.18.12

1:29am

9 lbs 4 oz

21 in

perfectly perfect.

charis

the waiting place...

so, i have kinda been absent from this wonderful place for good reason - nesting.  however, with all of this "hurry up and get ready to wait" business, i have had the words of one of my favorite authors come to mind over and over again.  now, if you have read more than 2 posts on this blog you know what i am all busy waiting for - i have a feeling, however, that this may relate to many of you on different levels in your own lives:

you can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, 
headed, i fear, toward a most useless place. 
                                         the waiting place...

...for people just waiting.
waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a yes or a no
or waiting for their hair to grow.
everyone is just waiting.


waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their uncle jake
or a sting of pearls, or a pain or pants
or a wig with curls, or another chance.
everyone is just waiting.   -dr. seuss

anyone else there with me?  i know this waiting game will not be forever, but sometimes it can sure feel like it.

i hope whatever you are waiting for comes quickly.

charis

a little bit of real life (and my 37.5 week maternity pics!)

i am sitting at starbucks studying the bible, working on some blog posts, and basically avoiding all the germs in my house that are swirling around my family right now.  and because of this... you get to enjoy a blog post from me filled with my maternity pictures.  enjoy.

i was kicked out of the house this morning by my caring and thoughtful husband.  he took the day off to care for our 3 sick kids (and the lone non-sick one).  he knows how prone i am to catch stomach bugs and doesn't want me to catch this one with being so close to having our new little one.  three weeks ago i had food poisoning and it induced painful contractions that i prayed to go away.  this is not the way i would like to go into labor.  God, i am trusting Your perfect timing and that You know all things.  when i do not understand the timing, i trust that You know the timing and Your hand is upholding me and those i care about.

though i am still 2.5 weeks out from the due date, the impending arrival of this new little guy is all so real due to my sister-in-law's waters breaking 2 weeks and 5 days early this past week and her having her beautiful little daughter much earlier than she was anticipating.  wow.  we were only due 2 days apart!  i could have this little guy anytime now really, though so much of me doesn't feel ready and would like him to wait.  just wait until this sickness is out of my house, please!

my wonderful sister took maternity pictures of my 37.5 week belly yesterday during a brief pause in the pouring rain that has been here for about a week and will stay a week or so longer.  she did a great job and i love the documentation of this 5th pregnancy.  though she is not a professional photographer, i would say she is pretty good at it.  but, then again, she is pretty good at anything she puts her hand to - she is just like that in being creative and all.

you want to know something?  real life is not always fun and exciting.  sometimes it is drudgery and full of sickness and a lot of no fun things.  i remind myself to keep my eyes on Him and to acknowledge His activity and upholding of my life.  He really is so faithful even in the midst of the hard things we go through and the difficult days.  we just have to choose to take our eyes off of ourselves and put them back on Him.  (please tell me i am not the only one who needs this reminder so often?!)

dark can give birth to life, suffering can deliver grace, the ugly can be beautiful.  God transfigures everything for His glory. ann voskamp

so, what do you think of the maternity photo shoot?

i am enjoying these pictures while i can because sooner than later i will be posting some newborn pictures for all of you to enjoy!  isn't that wild?

still counting gifts to 1000...

584 - 601:

584. tears before the Lord during prayer for His help.  He cares.

585. warm tea and honey for a sore throat.

586. practice contractions.

587. clean laundry to process.

588. uriah's 1st piano lesson.

589. garlic oil for little hurting ears.

590. a new niece born this week 2 weeks and 5 days early... and perfect.

591. all the kids' books newly organized (by the hubs and the kids).

592. a wonderful husband who sent me away while the stomach flu took over our house and is cleaning everything to try to protect me and the unborn baby from these germs.

593. my sweet and talented sister (not sister-in-law this time, she was the one who had the early baby!) who took my maternity pictures for me at 37.5 weeks along!

594. growing anticipation to meet this little one within me.

595. the Lord's perfect timing and that i can trust Him though i do not understand.

596. surviving the 1st soccer game in the freezing rain and the 1 year old screaming for 40 minutes straight (my 1 year old).

597. reading isaiah 37 and being blown away by the Lord's deliverance of His people.  when He was so faithful to literally fulfilling the short term prophesies, we can trust Him to be faithful to literally fulfill the long term ones we haven't seen come to pass yet!  so exciting!

598. listening to kevin prosch in starbuck in my ear buds.

599. the best midwife that i trust to take care of me when i have this baby.

600. a washing machine to clean all the germy articles in my house.

601. forced time to be by myself.


i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit!  if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section.  i love hearing from you!

if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis

randomness

we were having fun at a wedding

doesn't it feel like it is time for a random list of thoughts again?  i thought so.  here are some random things on my mind at this very moment.

my sweet thumb sucker - i was a thumb sucker too

1. it is one of those grey days outside.  it is ok though because we are battling colds around here.  i even got this one!  oh my.  pumping up on citrus and all the good for you stuff to get this out of the house and all of our systems before the new baby comes.   about 3.5 weeks left til the due date, but my babies have ranged between 2 weeks early and 1 day late, so we will see when this new little guy decides to make his arrival.

2. i have always been pregnant with a family member.  (crazy, right?)  my incredibly talented sister-in-law (her work is featured on my blog a ton!) is due only 2 days before me with her 3rd kid - 1st girl!  i have feverishly been trying to get stuff ready for her baby shower this weekend.  i am so excited for her!  i can't wait to meet my new little niece (#13!!).  i am making the popular salad that i blogged about last week at barbie's for the shower - mmmmm good!

3. simeon and this new little guy will be my closest two kids in age.  my first three had due dates within 4 days (guess we are fertile a certain time of year every other year??), and ended up having birthdays within 2 weeks of each other exactly 2 years apart.  then we had a 2.5 year gap between david and simeon which was amazing - who knew how much a difference just 6 months makes in the maturity of a 2 year old!  now this will be our closest two right after our furthest two... simeon is just 20 months and the baby literally could come at any time.  so, they will be around 20-21 months apart and it feels so much closer.  i really don't think simeon has a clue that a new baby is coming.  i am soaking in the last days and weeks of him being my littlest baby.  i told the family i am still calling him my big baby.  baby doesn't end til around 2, in my opinion.

4. prayer request: i would appreciate prayer for two things about this baby's arrival. 

1. we need to settle on the right name.  i feel like the Lord guided us so much with our 1st 4 boys' names and i am really wanting the perfect confirmation for this baby's name as well.  we have ideas we like, nothing we have agreed on, but also haven't had the confirmation my heart needs yet.  
2. i would like prayer this baby would arrive at the perfect timing.  my midwife missed my birth with simeon and i would really like to have her deliver this time around.  she brings so much peace with her and makes me feel very safe.  i also would like all of us well before the new little guy arrives - i have done sickness in the house with a newborn and it is no fun!

5. i made beet sourdough pancakes this late morning.  sounds gross?  oh, my friends, it is soooo not gross!  amazing is more the word i am looking for.  you should definitely check out the recipe at my friend katie's blog.  (check out some of her other recipes while you are at it - she has great ideas that are healthy and yummy at the same time!)

 36 weeks pregnant!

still counting gifts to 1000...

571 - 583:

571. listening to john thurlow play my heart's cry on the piano keys.

572. fresh flowers in vases in my living room.

573. replacement parts for my broken rocking chair are ordered...and will be here before the baby is born!

574. found the perfect yarn for the new baby's blanket.

575. learning to knit something new and turning frustration moments into learning opportunities.

576. borrowed bradley books to brush up before labor.

577. my sister's homemade tiramisu.

578. herbs and herbal teas to prep my body for the big day.

579. thoughts of possible names swirling in my head... knowing the Lord will show us the right one.

580. pink pancakes.

581. a beaming bride walking down the aisle.

582. dancing with my 4 boys on the dance floor - watching childlike abandon.

583. soaking up the days left of simeon being my youngest.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit!  if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section.  i love hearing from you!

charis

being brave

word for the day: brave

start.

the time is coming soon, whether i am ready or not. 

i better get ready.

it is completely natural and yet the most intimidating thing i have ever done and will ever do again. 

i have to be brave.  being brave doesn't mean that you aren't a bit nervous on the inside.  being brave doesn't mean you are ignorant of what is coming.  actually being brave is counting the cost and going into it fully aware of what it will take and what it will look like.

and no one knows for sure the day or the moment that it will start, but God has left that mystery up to Himself.  but i do know it is coming and i need to prepare.

in so many ways, as i write, i think of the parallels to the time before the return of Jesus.  i mean, they call it birth pains, right?  and here i am, thinking and reading and planning for very real, very physical birth pains in just a matter of weeks.  part of me is nervous.  part of me is excited.

but i know, most of all, what it will take is all of me being brave.

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a Spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. 2 timothy 1:7

He has been my Rock to navigate me through 4 births already, and i know He will be my Rock once again.  even when things get more intense and the contractions get stronger, i don't have to be a hero.  no, i just have to keep my mind steadfast and look at the One who is my Hero and He will guide me through.

He is always faithful and there will be such a great prize waiting for me on the other side - my baby.

someday He will be the One waiting for me on the other side and that will be the best prize for being brave.

stop.


want to join in?  it is easy.



5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

as always,  i love to hear from you.
charis

some of the random thoughts in my head

a list of thoughts on my mind (in no particular order)...

1. we have been enjoying amazing sunny weather here, in the mid to high 60's, and i have heard several people voice their concern that we will get no rain.  then i look at the 10 day forecast and see 7 of the next 10 days predicting rain.  no worries people.  i have lived here my whole life, besides a few years for college, and we are not a place that rains all winter long, but it does rain.  we will get plenty of rain and then be ready for the sun.  i, for one, am enjoying the sun and the opportunity to get outside without being soaked while it is here.

2. this pregnancy is the 1st time i have to take the second test for glucose sensitivity.  let me tell you, i am not thrilled about this.  it isn't that i detest needles like so many people do.  instead, i detest that drink and how icky it makes me feel and the thought of fasting while pregnant and nursing still just makes me not feel well thinking about it.  hopefully all goes well and i am fine and tolerating sugars fine, but either way... i have to take that test again and that is no bueno.

3. i am by myself for a little bit sitting in "my" starbucks and getting to write a bit on my blog.  that is amazing and wonderful.  i love to be with my kids and love to be a stay at home mom.  i also love getting an hour or two a week at starbucks where my thoughts actually aren't interrupted every 10 seconds and i am not staring at all the stuff around the house that needs to be done.

4. i am in a group that orders from azure standard (among ordering other real natural foods stuff) and we have a group message on facebook that is ongoing.  as people are talking about splitting a bulk order of almond flour, i am reminded that i have been allergic to almonds for about a year and sometimes that makes me sad.  i like almonds.  not sure what happened.  i have been advised to do a thorough cleanse someday when i am not breastfeeding or pregnant (or how about breastfeeding and pregnant???!)... oh, someday.

5. i love to juice at home.  i am so unmotivated to do it sometimes though, especially when i want to include in my juice fresh pomegranate seeds.  the problem is i hate to open up pomegranates.  however, my wise husband taught me a new way that isn't as messy.  i think i may be juicing pomegranate seeds more often now.

6. have you ever made homemade yogurt?  oh my goodness... it is so yummy and really so easy.  i study and researched it for weeks before i tried doing it about 9 mos ago for the first time.  i made some again last night.  katie has great detailed, easy to follow, instructions on how you can make your own yogurt at home.  go check it out and make your own... you will thank me.  one of my good food money saving tips for sure!  we use it as a sub for milk in soups and sour cream on mexican food, besides the kids wanting it for a snack topped with only fresh fruit.  get those probiotics and get it for cheap.

7. due to the recent good weather, we have been able to almost completely clean up the leaves from fall in the front of our house (important to note the "front" as the back has a tree even more giant... if we had cleaned up both it really would be a miracle that could be classified as a sign and a wonder).  one year, actually the first year we owned our house, for reasons beyond our control we did not even attempt to rake or clean up 1 leaf until spring.  i walked through the front yard, where there was supposed to be a lawn, and i had leaves up to my mid thigh... almost my waist.  we have massive trees and a ton of leaves every year.  amazing to think we are almost leafless in front at it is only january.  amazing indeed.

8. purple sparkle nail polish is just fun.  you should all try it (well, if you are a female that is).

9. life is not easy... even a christian life, or maybe i should say especially a christian life.  bad things happen and Jesus Himself assured us of this fact.  what we do in the middle of these bad things is the most important testimony of our life really being devoted to following Him.   c.s. lewis said it best when he said,  

i didn't go to religion to make me happy.  i always knew a bottle of port would do that.  if you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, i certainly don't recommend christianity.

you can refer to my post yesterday on why is is definitely not comfortable to be a follower of Jesus.

10. i have a dear friend who is having a baby on thursday. a baby girl.  she has 3 boys and finally is having a girl.  i am so excited for her i could burst.  someday i hope to be as lucky as she is.  can't wait to go visit her and that little one.  i just can't wait.

still counting gifts to 1000...

396 - 409:

396. a day off from school with the kids home (even though it has been a bit of a bickering morning).

397. the way a hug can change two grouchy arguing kids into two smiling giggling ones.

398. cup of hot tea on a cold day.

399. a fire in the fireplace.

400. a relaxing lunch and connecting time with new friends.

401. free coffee at starbucks with the mug my husband got as a gift for christmas.  so fun!

402. beautiful sunny days (crisp, but not too cold) as well as rain in the forecast.

403. that God stays the same even when i have my ups and downs.

404. the money to get my minivan worked on... we have been praying for it and God has been so faithful to provide.

405. provision to go to kansas city in the summer - we will be traveling with 5 kids, we will see how crazy we are then.

406. the grace He gives to forgive when we ask for His help.

407. the abundant mercy He showed when He forgave us.  makes forgiveness a bit easier when we realize we didn't deserve it either.

408. new way to open pomegranates.

409. my juicer that was an amazing gift from my husband 4 years ago... still on the counter and still being used.

i am linked up at a holy experience. i would love to hear from you in the comments below!

charis

a list of random thoughts

1. i just love misty edwards devotional sets on the kansas city international house of prayer web-streaming archives.  most nights i have misty sing me to sleep.  even as i write this post i am listening to misty's most recent devotional set in hopes that she will sing my sleepy one year old to sleep right now.

2. i have been making dinners for my family again for about a week and a half.  this is something i am extremely proud of (silly, i know!) - it means i am starting to get some sort of energy and motivation back.  no worries, no super woman pregnant mama here! i still have piles of clean clothes everywhere, with piles of dirty laundry in-between, bills are still being paid late because i forget what day it is and what day they are due, my bedroom is still way too dusty to even believe i am confessing here to all the world, my minivan seems to be the bottomless pit (don't fall in, the junk may bury you alive)... but dinners are being made and my family is eating well again.

3. my little one sucks his thumb and i just love it.  it is one of my favorite things.  i sucked my thumb until i was almost 7 and, if truth be known, i would suck my thumb today if it were socially acceptable.  it is just that comforting.  (am i being a bit too real right now?)

4. i am reading this great devotional book called with Christ in the school of prayer by andrew murray.  it has 30 short chapters so i imagine most people could get through it in one short month.  i am taking my time, but am really enjoying it.  i feel like it is stretching my understanding of prayer and really encouraging me at the same time.  i have been talking to the Father about what i am reading and i feel like it will change the way i approach my conversations with God.

5. last year i did this awesome homemade gift christmas where almost everything i gave was made by me.  now, it was not every last gift, but almost and it was both cost effective and really fun.  this year my budget would need to do it again, but i have been having the hardest time getting much done.  someone told me a couple days ago that it was only 60 days left until christmas.  i have like 2 gifts made... of many many gifts i will have to figure out for all our various christmas events.  even crocheting a hat has proved very difficult for my pregnancy brain.  i keep making the silliest mistakes and can't seem to focus on what i am doing.  so... we will see how many homemade gifts i will actually get done.

6. good news about a couple homemade birthday gifts though - i successfully made homemade play dough for the first time.  i used kool-aid which made it smell like frosting and while i was mixing it on the stove and wondering if it would ever start looking like play dough and less like frosting, i almost forgot what i was making.  it was a success though and i made new play dough for my own kids while i was at it.

7. i have a fresh chicken sitting in my fridge that needs to be cooked but we don't eat lunch or dinner here on sundays.  i guess i will have to cook it anyways and then maybe save the meat for monday? oh wait, i don't think we are eating dinner here on monday either.  bummer.

8. did you ever know about my love of fall and everything pumpkin?  we don't carve pumpkins but we do roast so many during the fall and eat pumpkin like it is going out of style.  mmmm.  so far we have made a curry pumpkin soup and 3 loaves of pumpkin bread (2 had chocolate chips as a guilty pleasure in an otherwise good for you treat).  pumpkin food makes me smile.

9. every time someone hears i am pregnant that i don't know, they ask me if it my 1st.  when i hear, "no, it is my 5th," come out of my mouth and see the shock on their faces, i am still in a bit of shock myself.  i mean, 5 sounds like a lot right?  adding just 1 more little one to the 4 already running around doesn't seem that different, but then saying the number 5?!!!  i must be crazy, right?  but somehow it just sneaked up on me one child at a time and here we are... 5 kids in 8 years this next april!

10. well, misty worked her magic again.  little one is asleep and snoring.  gosh, i hope i don't snore while i listen to her all night long.

11. i am not that great of a list maker.  it seems that lists should be short, concise and to the point.  i am always way too wordy for that and need to add lots of description to each number on my list.

12. we are in a ton of transition right now.  our house of prayer that we oversee is in the midst of changing from a house of prayer that has met at our home church for the past few years to a citywide house of prayer.  transition, no matter how good it is and how much God is clearly involved is always painful.  i mean, take it from me, someone who have experienced 4 "real" transitions (labor is where they get that term, right???) and am about to experience another one in a few short months, that saying there is "pressure" is just a way to describe pain when you don't want someone to be afraid of the actual real pain.  it is hard and painful and yet usually anytime there is transition it is because a very very good thing is coming (like a new baby).  oh lovely fun transition.


13. eggplant.  if i have never told you how i adore eggplant, especially prepared the indian way, then i really should have told you before now.  i adore eggplant.

14. i am up way too late... way past my bedtime.  maybe that is evidence that i am getting some energy back.  but let's not exaggerate - i am not full of energy, so this should wrap up soon so i can go to bed.

15. i am tired.  so tired.  i think i have been tired for the past 8.5 years with ups and downs from tired to even more tired.  another reason i should go to bed while the above mentioned baby is sleeping.

16. good night!

charis

when the curse is reversed

 

 photo by epSos.de

i am incredibly thankful right now. i am 11.5 weeks pregnant with my #5 kiddo, and i am doing so much better than i could have ever imagined. i know that may not strike some people as incredible, but it is so beyond what i could ever even believe the Lord for... for me.

i know there are some out there that believe in supernatural childbirth and supernatural pregnancy, but i have never had one of those. i have had such a rough experience in real pain and hard times overall in the whole process of growing and birthing a child, that it is huge for me to try to muzzle my mouth to not complain and strengthen offense that tries to reside hidden in my heart. keep the mouth shut.

i know i am on a different page that many on this issue, but i don't actually believe the curse from genesis has been reversed. i am sure that people get a down payment taste of what it will be like, but the curse is a very real thing and when it is actually fully canceled, no woman will have to muster up all the faith she can to "believe" for a painless childbirth and child-rearing.  when the curse is reversed, man will no longer toil with the ground and have it bear thorns.  my backyard garden is plain testimony that the curse is still in full swing.  when the curse is reversed, there will be no more death.

death was the curse put on man when he rebelled.  but He promised a day was coming when there would be...

no.


more.


death.

not by naming and claiming it.  no.  we will live forever and all the pain and suffering and fruitless labor of this life will finally be behind us.

and the little taste that i have right now of a pregnancy without vomiting really does put my hope in the resurrection to come - the time when He will literally raise up my body and i will be able to do all the things i have longed to do without the limitations i have faced all my life. it is exciting to have a small taste and think... wow, and it is going to be so much better than this!

it makes me long for the day when we will really live, not in shadow but in full light.  it makes me long to be reunited with those who have gone ahead and see those who ended so broken in bodies that are finally whole and see them skip and jump and dance and laugh, taking full deep breaths and know that we will never have the pain of parting again. i wonder where we will explore first.  there are so many places on this earth that i am sure i will not have the time to see and so many i would love to see again, and He is going to make the earth new and more beautiful than the most beautiful places i have seen right now.  that is unimaginable.

it makes me long to see my Savior face to face and finally really know Him the way i have longed to know Him. i am so broken right now and there are so many times when i long to press into Him, but my weakness and my inability to do the things i so long to do cause me to fail at the one thing i want most. this hope of finally seeing Him on His day motivates me to press on rather than wallow in days past that may not have gone as i would have liked.

knowing i am broken is not supposed to bring me shame. really that is just pride masking itself because it is somehow thinking i can do it on my own. knowing i am broken is to cause me to lean on the only One who can give me the grace to overcome.

He is so good to me.


334 - 346:

334. a helpful husband who has been bearing the brunt of the load of the house for the past decent amount of time while i have had so little energy being pregnant.  a gem of a man.

335. the Lord bringing needed provision... yet again.

336. my 4 boys who are growing up way too fast... time is flying by and i hope i am staying present enough to enjoy the time i have right now.

337. a heart for the sweet baby we have been praying for.

338. the grace and energy to run errands today that needed to get done.

339. the accomplishment on my 2 oldest boys' faces when they placed in their school's jog-a-thon - hard work and perseverance.

340. sleep when i am so tired.

341. reminders to focus my life on the things that really matter.

342. reading with Christ in the school of prayer by andrew murray and getting a fresh revelation on the mystery of the almighty God of the universe who calls Himself our Father.

343. a small taste of cooler weather in the middle of all this heat.

344. the relatively small amount of nausea i have had to battle this pregnancy.  i am seriously feeling so blessed and undeserving for the extra grace i have had this time around.

345. watching my boys play with their sports cards.  hearing their cute candid chatter about the players, the positions, the stats, and loving that they have so  much fun with it all.

346. in the midst of realizing how weak i am to do what i would like to do, the grace He gives me to not give up but to keep going step by step... day by day.




i am linked up at a holy experience. i would love to hear from you in the comments below!

charis

coming next april...

 photo by Amaury Henderick

besides the fact that life has been busy with summer ending and school starting, i have a big reason for why i haven't been blogging much lately.  well, right now that reason is only the size of a green olive, but it is making a big impact on our lives.

we are having another baby!

i know some people may think we are crazy to have 5 kids, to venture into life as a family of 7, but we feel so blessed that the Lord would entrust us with another of His little ones to steward and nurture and teach about Him.  so very blessed.  i admit that having 5 kids in 8 years sounds crazy even to me!  i have figured out that i will be about 36 weeks pregnant on our 10 year anniversary... now that throws a kink in a 10 year getaway doesn't it?  i am thinking we will need to celebrate at 11 years like it was our 10 year.

i also feel blessed that so far this has been my best pregnancy.  pregnancy and i do not get along well.  with simeon i was throwing up for 24 of the 40 weeks - 6 months folks.  i ended up having other not so fun issues as well.  each and every one of my pregnancies i have been terribly sick for a long time. 

but this time it has been quite manage-able.  sure there has been nausea, but it seems like i can settle it down by eating.  other pregnancies i would eat and throw up anyway. 

so, i have been told 5 is a number of grace.  maybe this is my grace pregnancy?  that sounds awesome to me!  regardless of the reasons why, i have had extra grace this time around and i am so thankful. there are so many people who have been praying for me and i can feel it. 

i will be still be blogging from time to time, especially in sharing what i am thankful for because even with feeling much better i am feeling the need to focus on keeping my heart thankful with surging hormones messing with my emotions.  for the next couple weeks i am mainly focusing on resting and keeping this body healthy so that the rest of my pregnancy can go well.  i am hoping to get the 2nd trimester boost in about a month.  who know... maybe then i will blog more than ever before because of extra energy?! (perhaps wishful thinking, but that would be awesome!)

thank you for hanging with me as i embark on yet another great adventure. 


317 - 333:

317. the free tickets to the san francisco giants game that bill got for coaching t-ball and that he got to take all 3 of our older boys!

318. the awkward nature of transition.

319. my fully walking baby boy.

320. fresh peaches from farmer's market.

321. the wonderful school that asher and uriah are blessed to attend.

322. great trips down to fremont to visit convergence house of prayer.

323. air conditioning and shade trees on hot august days.

324. surprises.

325. our new baby who is expected to make an arrival sometime in the middle of april!

326. sleep.  can't seem to get enough of it these days.

327. an amazing, supportive, patient, helpful husband who is helping me get through this pregnancy each day.

328. a new piano student who seems like a great fit.

329. chickens who are laying eggs every day now.

330. my amazing, supportive, caring family.

331. the faithful provision of the Lord day by day.

332. that He is a rewarder of the things unseen.

333. having all the kids home this holiday morning.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

any new adventures going on with any of you?

charis

life captured

                                   

                                          used with permisson by myriah grubbs photography

used with permission by myriah grubbs photography

for your weekend enjoyment - take a look at my amazing family/maternity pictures and my sweet simeon's newborn pictures, both by my talented sister (in law) myriah.  (did i ever mention that my sister and i schemed and picked her out for my brother to marry without him knowing?  yes, we take full credit for her entry into our family.)  

what better gift than to have these memories to keep forever and in such an artistic way.  i am so in love with the piano shot, i don't know what to do with myself.  as i look at simeon's huge chubby 2 month self, it is hard to believe he was really that small once or that he ever fit into my belly!  thank you myriah!  i cannot begin to express how priceless these are and how much they capture my life and love and boys.  

enjoy friends and leave comments.  you know i love to hear from you.  

have a great weekend!  happy october!

charis

unless

this post is a continuation to my previous post fearless trust.  i would recommend reading it first.

i would have despaired unless i had believed
that i would see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.   psalm 27:13

how much of my life is anchored in the belief in the goodness of God?  it is not only enough to believe He is good.  it is essential to believe that i will see this goodness in my life towards me. 

many of my latest posts have been about a central theme of hope.  besides going through the trials of pregnancy, i have been challenged in my faith in so many areas of my life in this past season.  i actually found out i was pregnant during one of the hardest weeks of my life.  it was a bright spot of hope in the midst of a swirl of confusion and temptation for fear.  for both of these reasons i haven't blogged as much as i would have liked.  sometimes when i am going through the dark night of the soul (and puking my brains out on top of it), it is very hard to articulate anything other than, "help me Jesus!"

i found this simple cry for help to be the meat of my recent prayers.  i would stand in the shower, feeling so weak both physically and emotionally that i would burst into tears and just say, "help me Jesus!"  sometimes that is the most powerful prayer that we can pray. 

trials in life can either drive us away from Him or drive us to Him.  there is so much in life we cannot control.  there is so much disappointment.  there are so many questions of, "why?"  there are so many things that i would much rather not walk through if it was up to me.  but i cannot control my circumstances.  what i can control is how i posture my heart.

do i harden my heart to protect myself?  or do i allow the pain of disappointment and the sting of fear to drive me to Him?  when all the world around me is shaken, it is only Him who doesn't change.  it is only Him who is left there constant and firm and unchanging. 

at the end of the day, the commitment to follow Christ is as simple as that:  following Him.  i can do so many things that are so good and beneficial, but they mean nothing if when things get tough i turn away from Him.  there are so many people who have every reason to despair - there are so many reasons for any of us to despair.  i love that one word in psalm 27:13:  unless.  unless any of us believe that He is not only good, but that we will see His goodness towards us in this lifetime... there is where our hope must lie.

is your current circumstance driving you away from Him or to Him?

i would love your comments and feedback.

i will leave you with a picture of my 22 week belly (more than halfway to the finish line!)

charis 

like the mighty mountains

well, i am still waiting for the transition to feeling better that is supposed to come with the 2nd trimester.  i am now a full month into my second trimester, and having a little more energy but still battle frequent nausea and occassional vomiting.  i am trying to keep my chin up as i hope that this too will pass, and hopefully pass very soon.  but, quite honestly, i have been getting pretty discouraged.

bill and i were walking with the boys on the sundial bridge the other day and i asked him if he could imagine there being no mountains or no ocean.  i am so amazed by the power and majesty of God by both of theses natural wonders.  God has spoken to me so much about Himself and His character through both.  i think often about the psalm david penned that said,

Your love, o Lord, reaches to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the skies. 
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, Your justice like the great deep (the ocean). o Lord, you preserve both man and beast.   Psalm 36: 5-6

mystics throughout the ages have meditated on God through the beauties He created in nature.  st. john of the cross called the finite beauty that communicated about the Lord "the messenger," and said it made us hungry for the Lord to once again draw near to us:

now may You truly grant me a communication of Yourself by Yourself.  

one of my favorite quotes right now is one that bill shared with me that night by st. john of the cross.  in his hunger for the Lord stirred by the wonders of the beauty He created, he said,

may You, then, be both the messenger and the message.  

if i am so awed by the finite beauty He created, how amazing will it be to encounter the infinite beauty of Him face to face?

as i reflect on one of my all time favorite passages in the Bible i find myself encouraged even in my temporal sufferings (if i may be so bold to call them sufferings) of pregnancy.  what gets you, me, even Jesus Himself, through hard times is the joy set before us:  knowing Him and being in His all consuming presence.  so, with david, i can find myself in this season of my life saying once again:

how priceless is your unfailing love! both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of Your wings.
they feast on the abundance of Your house; You give them drink from Your river of delights.  
for with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light.  psalm 36:7-9

whatever you may be facing right now in this life that is full of so many ups and downs, be encouraged.  He will hide you in the shadow of His wings.  He will allow you to feast of Him.  you will drink in real joy from the rivers of His delights .  He is our fountain and our life and we can finally see clearly through all this haze when we are near His glory in His wonderful presence.  these temporal trials and sufferings, they too will pass.  and then, we will be left with only Him.

charis