just thinking out loud

good morning friends. i am just going to use the next few moments to process some stuff i am reading in romans "out loud."

let love be without hypocrisy. 

abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.

be devoted to one another in brotherly love; 

give preference to one another in honor; 

not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 

rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, 

contributing to the needs of the saints, 

practicing hospitality.

bless those who persecute you; 

bless and do not curse. 

rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

be of the same mind toward one another; 

do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. 

do not be wise in your own estimation.

never pay back evil for evil to anyone. 

respect what is right in the sight of all men.

if possible, so far as it depends on you, 

be at peace with all men.

never take your own revenge, beloved, 

but leave room for the wrath of God, 

for it is written, "vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. 

"but if your enemy is hungry, feed him, 

and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; 

or in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." 

do not be overcome by evil, 

but overcome evil with good.  

romans 12:9-21

you know when you are reading and suddenly your heart slows down on one passage? well, this happened with this one. here are some small thoughts...

we are called to love each other, and as we all know our love is supposed to look like the love of the One we are following. i have heard many call evil "good" and good "evil" in the name of "love," but that isn't love. He never did that. He was consistent and completely and wholly righteous - loving what is right in the sight of the Father. He loved broken people, and then urged them to go and stop sinning - caring for them in both the moment and for their eternity.

"be devoted... give preference... serving the Lord..." servanthood. i find it so interesting that the current trend in churches is to distance ourselves from being a servant. somehow we try to treat being friends of God as entirely different from being servants of God. there is no difference. Jesus served His friends... He served His enemies... He served the ones who were about to betray Him... He served those sent to kill Him... i don't see any separation of servant and friend in Him. in Him, i see it looking like the same thing - if you are a friend, you serve. that is how you even know you are a friend. being a servant is really unto Him, no matter who it is in front of us that we are serving. sure that means we may get walked all over at times; but if we can view it as actually serving the Lord instead of having something to gain in the relationship we are serving in, it will give so much more perspective when our serving may go seemingly unnoticed or with little immediate fruit.

"persevering in hope..." too much to go into on this one. all i will say is if He isn't our Hope, with a capital H, then we are chasing the wind. hope isn't just our personal dreams, it is the Hope that He will return. when Hope in Him is the anchor, we won't be so easily swayed to and fro. i have some "small h" hopes like everyone else. if i try to anchor myself in these, i am sure to be disappointed. He is the One who will never disappoint because He really will come make all the wrong things right.

tribulation, persecution, revenge, enemies - interesting how it is so easy to think we would be faithful if there was a gun to our heads, but we struggle so much with someone simply mistreated us (totally talking to myself here!). sooooo easy to want to make sure the other person makes it right, instead of letting God be the One who makes it right (and that might not be until the Day of the Lord). my guess is most of us aren't anchored enough in the fact that there will be a day when we all stand before Him to give an account for our own lives- the day that He will make all wrong things right - the reality of both eternal reward and eternal punishment. i think if i, myself, could really believe that He will one day judge, then i would be much quicker to forgive. don't i want mercy for both myself and others? but somehow i get so wrapped up in the here and now... i am sure a lot of you do as well. 

one other part that stood out huge to me:

"be of the same mind toward one another; 

do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly."

i think so often we are trying to get in good with the people we think will benefit our own cause, be it they have some sort of influence in leadership or popularity or money, and we ignore those who we consider "lowly." i know i felt convicted when i read this part. it is so easy to think others do this, but each one of us do it. it is easy to even follow and comment more on the "popular" blogs in our particular niche. we all want to feel "important." but that is "being wise in our own estimation." 

last thought - "contributing to the needs of the saints - practicing hospitality." i think sometimes walking in love like Jesus can be so simple that we overlook it for something more grand and noticeable. we all have something to give to help our friend and brother in Christ -  maybe it is $5. maybe it is some extra rice and beans we have in our pantry that we didn't think would be exciting enough to share. maybe it is just an invitation to come over and share a cup of coffee or tea for an hour or two. maybe it is watching the kids of a mom who seems overwhelmed for an hour while she grocery shops alone. what is the need in front of me that may seem so simple i wouldn't think of helping with it? hospitality doesn't have to mean a spotless house and a 5 course meal on pretty dishes. i think so often we look at our own lack and tell ourselves we don't have anything to give to our friends in need because we can't give big exciting looking things. sometimes people are in such need themselves that it is easy to think that someone else should be doing this, and they get disappointed in the "church," instead of realizing it is a call to action for themselves to pour out. we all have something to give towards someone else's need. we all can welcome someone else into our heart and home.

anything in this passage that is speaking to you right now?

charis

randomness

we were having fun at a wedding

doesn't it feel like it is time for a random list of thoughts again?  i thought so.  here are some random things on my mind at this very moment.

my sweet thumb sucker - i was a thumb sucker too

1. it is one of those grey days outside.  it is ok though because we are battling colds around here.  i even got this one!  oh my.  pumping up on citrus and all the good for you stuff to get this out of the house and all of our systems before the new baby comes.   about 3.5 weeks left til the due date, but my babies have ranged between 2 weeks early and 1 day late, so we will see when this new little guy decides to make his arrival.

2. i have always been pregnant with a family member.  (crazy, right?)  my incredibly talented sister-in-law (her work is featured on my blog a ton!) is due only 2 days before me with her 3rd kid - 1st girl!  i have feverishly been trying to get stuff ready for her baby shower this weekend.  i am so excited for her!  i can't wait to meet my new little niece (#13!!).  i am making the popular salad that i blogged about last week at barbie's for the shower - mmmmm good!

3. simeon and this new little guy will be my closest two kids in age.  my first three had due dates within 4 days (guess we are fertile a certain time of year every other year??), and ended up having birthdays within 2 weeks of each other exactly 2 years apart.  then we had a 2.5 year gap between david and simeon which was amazing - who knew how much a difference just 6 months makes in the maturity of a 2 year old!  now this will be our closest two right after our furthest two... simeon is just 20 months and the baby literally could come at any time.  so, they will be around 20-21 months apart and it feels so much closer.  i really don't think simeon has a clue that a new baby is coming.  i am soaking in the last days and weeks of him being my littlest baby.  i told the family i am still calling him my big baby.  baby doesn't end til around 2, in my opinion.

4. prayer request: i would appreciate prayer for two things about this baby's arrival. 

1. we need to settle on the right name.  i feel like the Lord guided us so much with our 1st 4 boys' names and i am really wanting the perfect confirmation for this baby's name as well.  we have ideas we like, nothing we have agreed on, but also haven't had the confirmation my heart needs yet.  
2. i would like prayer this baby would arrive at the perfect timing.  my midwife missed my birth with simeon and i would really like to have her deliver this time around.  she brings so much peace with her and makes me feel very safe.  i also would like all of us well before the new little guy arrives - i have done sickness in the house with a newborn and it is no fun!

5. i made beet sourdough pancakes this late morning.  sounds gross?  oh, my friends, it is soooo not gross!  amazing is more the word i am looking for.  you should definitely check out the recipe at my friend katie's blog.  (check out some of her other recipes while you are at it - she has great ideas that are healthy and yummy at the same time!)

 36 weeks pregnant!

still counting gifts to 1000...

571 - 583:

571. listening to john thurlow play my heart's cry on the piano keys.

572. fresh flowers in vases in my living room.

573. replacement parts for my broken rocking chair are ordered...and will be here before the baby is born!

574. found the perfect yarn for the new baby's blanket.

575. learning to knit something new and turning frustration moments into learning opportunities.

576. borrowed bradley books to brush up before labor.

577. my sister's homemade tiramisu.

578. herbs and herbal teas to prep my body for the big day.

579. thoughts of possible names swirling in my head... knowing the Lord will show us the right one.

580. pink pancakes.

581. a beaming bride walking down the aisle.

582. dancing with my 4 boys on the dance floor - watching childlike abandon.

583. soaking up the days left of simeon being my youngest.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit!  if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section.  i love hearing from you!

charis

some of the random thoughts in my head

a list of thoughts on my mind (in no particular order)...

1. we have been enjoying amazing sunny weather here, in the mid to high 60's, and i have heard several people voice their concern that we will get no rain.  then i look at the 10 day forecast and see 7 of the next 10 days predicting rain.  no worries people.  i have lived here my whole life, besides a few years for college, and we are not a place that rains all winter long, but it does rain.  we will get plenty of rain and then be ready for the sun.  i, for one, am enjoying the sun and the opportunity to get outside without being soaked while it is here.

2. this pregnancy is the 1st time i have to take the second test for glucose sensitivity.  let me tell you, i am not thrilled about this.  it isn't that i detest needles like so many people do.  instead, i detest that drink and how icky it makes me feel and the thought of fasting while pregnant and nursing still just makes me not feel well thinking about it.  hopefully all goes well and i am fine and tolerating sugars fine, but either way... i have to take that test again and that is no bueno.

3. i am by myself for a little bit sitting in "my" starbucks and getting to write a bit on my blog.  that is amazing and wonderful.  i love to be with my kids and love to be a stay at home mom.  i also love getting an hour or two a week at starbucks where my thoughts actually aren't interrupted every 10 seconds and i am not staring at all the stuff around the house that needs to be done.

4. i am in a group that orders from azure standard (among ordering other real natural foods stuff) and we have a group message on facebook that is ongoing.  as people are talking about splitting a bulk order of almond flour, i am reminded that i have been allergic to almonds for about a year and sometimes that makes me sad.  i like almonds.  not sure what happened.  i have been advised to do a thorough cleanse someday when i am not breastfeeding or pregnant (or how about breastfeeding and pregnant???!)... oh, someday.

5. i love to juice at home.  i am so unmotivated to do it sometimes though, especially when i want to include in my juice fresh pomegranate seeds.  the problem is i hate to open up pomegranates.  however, my wise husband taught me a new way that isn't as messy.  i think i may be juicing pomegranate seeds more often now.

6. have you ever made homemade yogurt?  oh my goodness... it is so yummy and really so easy.  i study and researched it for weeks before i tried doing it about 9 mos ago for the first time.  i made some again last night.  katie has great detailed, easy to follow, instructions on how you can make your own yogurt at home.  go check it out and make your own... you will thank me.  one of my good food money saving tips for sure!  we use it as a sub for milk in soups and sour cream on mexican food, besides the kids wanting it for a snack topped with only fresh fruit.  get those probiotics and get it for cheap.

7. due to the recent good weather, we have been able to almost completely clean up the leaves from fall in the front of our house (important to note the "front" as the back has a tree even more giant... if we had cleaned up both it really would be a miracle that could be classified as a sign and a wonder).  one year, actually the first year we owned our house, for reasons beyond our control we did not even attempt to rake or clean up 1 leaf until spring.  i walked through the front yard, where there was supposed to be a lawn, and i had leaves up to my mid thigh... almost my waist.  we have massive trees and a ton of leaves every year.  amazing to think we are almost leafless in front at it is only january.  amazing indeed.

8. purple sparkle nail polish is just fun.  you should all try it (well, if you are a female that is).

9. life is not easy... even a christian life, or maybe i should say especially a christian life.  bad things happen and Jesus Himself assured us of this fact.  what we do in the middle of these bad things is the most important testimony of our life really being devoted to following Him.   c.s. lewis said it best when he said,  

i didn't go to religion to make me happy.  i always knew a bottle of port would do that.  if you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, i certainly don't recommend christianity.

you can refer to my post yesterday on why is is definitely not comfortable to be a follower of Jesus.

10. i have a dear friend who is having a baby on thursday. a baby girl.  she has 3 boys and finally is having a girl.  i am so excited for her i could burst.  someday i hope to be as lucky as she is.  can't wait to go visit her and that little one.  i just can't wait.

still counting gifts to 1000...

396 - 409:

396. a day off from school with the kids home (even though it has been a bit of a bickering morning).

397. the way a hug can change two grouchy arguing kids into two smiling giggling ones.

398. cup of hot tea on a cold day.

399. a fire in the fireplace.

400. a relaxing lunch and connecting time with new friends.

401. free coffee at starbucks with the mug my husband got as a gift for christmas.  so fun!

402. beautiful sunny days (crisp, but not too cold) as well as rain in the forecast.

403. that God stays the same even when i have my ups and downs.

404. the money to get my minivan worked on... we have been praying for it and God has been so faithful to provide.

405. provision to go to kansas city in the summer - we will be traveling with 5 kids, we will see how crazy we are then.

406. the grace He gives to forgive when we ask for His help.

407. the abundant mercy He showed when He forgave us.  makes forgiveness a bit easier when we realize we didn't deserve it either.

408. new way to open pomegranates.

409. my juicer that was an amazing gift from my husband 4 years ago... still on the counter and still being used.

i am linked up at a holy experience. i would love to hear from you in the comments below!

charis

a list of random thoughts

1. i just love misty edwards devotional sets on the kansas city international house of prayer web-streaming archives.  most nights i have misty sing me to sleep.  even as i write this post i am listening to misty's most recent devotional set in hopes that she will sing my sleepy one year old to sleep right now.

2. i have been making dinners for my family again for about a week and a half.  this is something i am extremely proud of (silly, i know!) - it means i am starting to get some sort of energy and motivation back.  no worries, no super woman pregnant mama here! i still have piles of clean clothes everywhere, with piles of dirty laundry in-between, bills are still being paid late because i forget what day it is and what day they are due, my bedroom is still way too dusty to even believe i am confessing here to all the world, my minivan seems to be the bottomless pit (don't fall in, the junk may bury you alive)... but dinners are being made and my family is eating well again.

3. my little one sucks his thumb and i just love it.  it is one of my favorite things.  i sucked my thumb until i was almost 7 and, if truth be known, i would suck my thumb today if it were socially acceptable.  it is just that comforting.  (am i being a bit too real right now?)

4. i am reading this great devotional book called with Christ in the school of prayer by andrew murray.  it has 30 short chapters so i imagine most people could get through it in one short month.  i am taking my time, but am really enjoying it.  i feel like it is stretching my understanding of prayer and really encouraging me at the same time.  i have been talking to the Father about what i am reading and i feel like it will change the way i approach my conversations with God.

5. last year i did this awesome homemade gift christmas where almost everything i gave was made by me.  now, it was not every last gift, but almost and it was both cost effective and really fun.  this year my budget would need to do it again, but i have been having the hardest time getting much done.  someone told me a couple days ago that it was only 60 days left until christmas.  i have like 2 gifts made... of many many gifts i will have to figure out for all our various christmas events.  even crocheting a hat has proved very difficult for my pregnancy brain.  i keep making the silliest mistakes and can't seem to focus on what i am doing.  so... we will see how many homemade gifts i will actually get done.

6. good news about a couple homemade birthday gifts though - i successfully made homemade play dough for the first time.  i used kool-aid which made it smell like frosting and while i was mixing it on the stove and wondering if it would ever start looking like play dough and less like frosting, i almost forgot what i was making.  it was a success though and i made new play dough for my own kids while i was at it.

7. i have a fresh chicken sitting in my fridge that needs to be cooked but we don't eat lunch or dinner here on sundays.  i guess i will have to cook it anyways and then maybe save the meat for monday? oh wait, i don't think we are eating dinner here on monday either.  bummer.

8. did you ever know about my love of fall and everything pumpkin?  we don't carve pumpkins but we do roast so many during the fall and eat pumpkin like it is going out of style.  mmmm.  so far we have made a curry pumpkin soup and 3 loaves of pumpkin bread (2 had chocolate chips as a guilty pleasure in an otherwise good for you treat).  pumpkin food makes me smile.

9. every time someone hears i am pregnant that i don't know, they ask me if it my 1st.  when i hear, "no, it is my 5th," come out of my mouth and see the shock on their faces, i am still in a bit of shock myself.  i mean, 5 sounds like a lot right?  adding just 1 more little one to the 4 already running around doesn't seem that different, but then saying the number 5?!!!  i must be crazy, right?  but somehow it just sneaked up on me one child at a time and here we are... 5 kids in 8 years this next april!

10. well, misty worked her magic again.  little one is asleep and snoring.  gosh, i hope i don't snore while i listen to her all night long.

11. i am not that great of a list maker.  it seems that lists should be short, concise and to the point.  i am always way too wordy for that and need to add lots of description to each number on my list.

12. we are in a ton of transition right now.  our house of prayer that we oversee is in the midst of changing from a house of prayer that has met at our home church for the past few years to a citywide house of prayer.  transition, no matter how good it is and how much God is clearly involved is always painful.  i mean, take it from me, someone who have experienced 4 "real" transitions (labor is where they get that term, right???) and am about to experience another one in a few short months, that saying there is "pressure" is just a way to describe pain when you don't want someone to be afraid of the actual real pain.  it is hard and painful and yet usually anytime there is transition it is because a very very good thing is coming (like a new baby).  oh lovely fun transition.


13. eggplant.  if i have never told you how i adore eggplant, especially prepared the indian way, then i really should have told you before now.  i adore eggplant.

14. i am up way too late... way past my bedtime.  maybe that is evidence that i am getting some energy back.  but let's not exaggerate - i am not full of energy, so this should wrap up soon so i can go to bed.

15. i am tired.  so tired.  i think i have been tired for the past 8.5 years with ups and downs from tired to even more tired.  another reason i should go to bed while the above mentioned baby is sleeping.

16. good night!

charis

5 thoughts before bed

standing in a puddle as i watch my boys' swim lessons in the rain

1. some days i wish i had a redo button.  today would be one of the days i would definitely use it.  there were many many opportunities.  ever had that moment when in almost an out-of-body experience you wonder, who is this mad woman and what did she do with the real me?  or even worse, is this the real me?  i am sure my all too patient husband was wondering who this crazy wife was and how did she happen to show up today instead of fun wife.  some days i am so glad that tomorrow is a new day and that His mercies are enough to cover a multitude of sin.  i definitely am in need of mercy.

2. i am thinking about marriage. i am still getting feedback from my post last weekend on how you do not have to get divorced.  i am amazed at the willingness of people who do not know each other to share a part of their journey in order to allow us all to grow.  i am convinced that if we can get vision to survive in our marriage, we can also grow to the place of becoming best friends with our husband (or wife).  i am amazed even with the great relationship i have with my husband how so many times i can slip into entitlement mentality (you treat me like this... or else!).  but to put the shoe on the other foot... well, let's say ouch!

photo credit myriah grubbs photography

3. my baby is growing up and i don't know where the time is going!  my second most viewed post at this point is a sister maternity photo shoot my dear sister-in-love photographer took of me and my sissy when we were pregnant together (for the 3rd time!!!) and due only 10 days apart.  i hoped to have twin cousins born on the same day.  she had her wish and they each had their own birthday.  my dear sweet simeon is 10 months old and myriah documented him so perfectly.  i still am in awe of his red hair, blue eyes, and thumb-sucking sweetness.  sure, he doesn't sleep at night, but after 4 boys in 6 years what do i know of sleep?  if you can't sleep, look at his sweet pictures.  they promise to not disappoint.

4. people often ask me, so i haven't seen you for a while, what have you been up to?  i am always taken back by that question.  i have two routine responses: nothing really or we are so busy! 

both are true.

when you are a mom to four boys you don't always have a lot of exciting events to show for your time and effort, but somehow you are going every minute of the day at a reckless speed until you collapse onto the couch unable to move with the piles of clean clothes staring at you challenging you to put them away.  the couch wins yet again.

yesterday i was gone for 11 hours straight- and i don't have a "job!" (i know, i know, i know.  i was already corrected by my mom that i have the busiest job in the world.  besides my busy job, i also do teach piano and do little bits of ministry with my husband on the side).  my point is, however, that i have dedicated this time of my life to being a mom, so my answer to the above question seems pointless if the person isn't currently in the thick of mounds of filthy clothes to clean (i do have boys), noses and bums to wipe, chickens to feed, garden to tend to, gifts to make, piano lessons to teach, swim lessons to supervise so the kiddos don't drown, driving kids back and forth to do, school board meetings to attend, bikes to ride, books to read, meals to make, dishes to wash, groceries to buy, wood floors to clean yet again, attitudes to discipline, and cuddles to take because time is going too quickly and this mommy is overwhelmed!  but, other than all that, i haven't been up to much.

5. i love the summer!  i love the heat of where i live. (am i crazy?!)  did you know that one day a couple years ago, the city i live in was the hottest place on earth?  hotter than the sahara desert.  and better yet, my dear hubby bill was re-roofing our house that very day.  needless to say they took a "break" during midday as the tar of the shingles literally was melting beneath their feet.  i love swimming, the lake, the beach, the longer days, the bike rides, the kiddos home all day long, the sun darkening our skin and lightening our hair, camping, bare feet, warm nights, bbq dinners, garden bounty, and happy memories made.  i am so thankful it is summer. 

what is something on your mind?

charis

random thoughts

random thoughts:

i love color.  if you were to venture into my home, you would see color everywhere.  every room is painted a different color.  i am blessed to have a mom who is an interior designer with color being her specialty.  i felt confident to experiment with color on our walls when we bought our house without holding back because she had all the paint custom mixed so all the colors "go" together.  people pay good money for that freedom to express themselves with color.   i got it as a birthright.

this is my favorite mug.  my husband got it for me several years back as a gift, and i think it personifies me in mug form.  bright, cheerful, and full of life, yet with a delicate girlie curly side.  it is always the mug i reach for when all the mugs are clean. 

spring is a love/hate season for me.  i love the new life seen everywhere around me.  i love the colors that spring forth after a pretty drab winter.  i love the motivation it brings to me to clean, plant, get outdoors, dream...  it is also the season i have the most allergy problems.  so the love of the outdoors is always mixed for me with the price i know i will pay after spending time out in pollen and over fragrant flowers and blossoms that make me sneeze, have watery itchy eyes, and often a headache.

my oldest son had a sleepover at a friend's house last night.  it feels very empty here without him.  we have never had just one of them gone overnight, and the house just seems quieter and lonelier without him.  the other two are doing great and playing and having fun, but my heart is aware that there is someone missing.  i guess that is part of being a mom.  it makes me look forward to this next baby being born and being an important piece of our family puzzle.

garden update:  i love all the advice people gave on time for my first veggie garden or where kind to message me on facebook.  i have been researching and learning soooo much.  i am amazed how much there is to learn.  we tilled our section of the garden a couple days ago, and by we i mean my husband hand tilled our section of the garden.  i told him that i now know why i married him: he will till my garden for me.  he called me a patient woman to wait 8 years to find that out.  my little seeds are just barely beginning to sprout in my window.  i am so excited for when we can get them in the ground!  i am officially a gardener! speaking of gardening, this makes me think of the second blog post i ever wrote on here that many of you may have never had a chance to read.  it is called the master gardener.  i love how God speaks to me regularly through His creation around me.

i am about to venture outside.  i am willing to pay the price for some fresh air, sunshine, spring inspiration, and color.  i love color.

charis