simple woman's daybook 10.9.13

 

for today:

outside my window... it is a beautiful fall day. the trees are just starting to turn their warm red and golden tones, but still have patches of green intermingled. the wind is biting though. i had a dream last night that the wind was going to stay. let's hope that isn't a God dream.

i am thinking... about so many things. i haven't blogged for so long. i am sorry friends. it has been one of those seasons when i just needed to step back and be silent. i needed to write in the paper journal sitting by my bed. i needed to process without any friends reading over my shoulder. i have missed this space though.

i am thankful... for the Lord's faithful provision towards us. we had a very hard couple months - some of our hardest since we started living on missionary support 4 years ago. i have to say that i had very hard days when i wanted to doubt the Lord's ability to provide for us. so immature of me. He still came through, even with my threatening doubts, and has been so merciful and kind to even take care of the things on my heart. i am so thankful today that His goodness has nothing to do with me. He is who He is and i get to benefit from that reality.

remembering... my dad. i have been remembering him a lot. so much of him that i am missing right now.

from the learning rooms... we have survived our 1st month of homeschooling. it has been quite the adventure. with 5 kids, i just have the littlest 2 along for the ride without doing any specific activities for them besides their own drawing pads. i just can't plan and manage one more thing right now. we are making it. i have so much more in my heart i wish we could do, but i think we are at least learning and becoming closer to each other, which is good.

from the kitchen... even though this is my favorite season for the kitchen, i haven't been motivated to cook or bake much. i have made granola for an easy breakfast lately. i love honey, maple syrup, molasses, good butter, pumpkin seeds, dried cranberries, and big chunks of coconut in mine.
 

i am wearing... a light grey short sleeved turtleneck chunky sweater, dark jeans, gray sweater boots, and my hair up in a back knot.

i am creating... some christmas gifts. if i am going to do homemade, i better get started or it just won't get done.

i am going... to go on a date with my hubby tonight. i love time with him one on one. i am such a quality time person, even more now with 5 kids than i was before kids. i am sure glad that i still like him as a friend even after being married 11.5 years.

i am reading... through isaiah again, and picked back up my intense isaiah study. i was about halfway through, so i am about done reviewing what i had done before and about to start in on going deep in the rest of the book. i just love this book. so rich. so deep. so full of hope.

i am hoping... that i can participate in the annual turkey trot here. i got out of the rhythm of running for several reasons, and am trying to get back into it with the cooler weather.

i am hearing... matt gilman's last set at the international house of prayer. did you know you can download your favorite sets now? i am so happy about that. this set is on july 3rd, 2013 if you want to look it up and listen to it yourself. so full of hope.

around the house...we are trying to switch out clothing sizes and seasons for the boys. one thing i am thankful for is i have been able to hold onto clothes that the older boys have grown out of to pass on. just a lot of work to go through the closets for 5 little boys to see what fits and what is the right season.

  
one of my favorite things... is the color of the trees during autumn. just gets me every year.

pondering... eternity. i mean, really, i am. i think the more i experience the pain of this age, the more i want to anchor my heart in the time when He wipes every tear away. there is so much that is so hard to understand right now. there is so much injustice that happens. there is so much loss and grief. i don't think it is escapism to long for Jesus' return even more when bad things happen. He is the Promised Seed that will reverse the curse of death forever, and take away all grief and pain.

a few plans for the rest of the week: we have a homeschool co-op we are part of on thursdays. it feels like a lot of work, since i have to mobilize all the troops to get there are also teach writing to a class full of kindergarteners and 1st graders. but my kids really enjoy it, so we do it. it has been worth it so far.

picture for the day:

go here to 5 minutes for faith to read a post i wrote a couple months ago and haven't been about to share here yet. it is on my thoughts on heaven anchoring my heart right now.

i am linked up with other lovely ladies at the simple woman's daybook.  

charis

a couple thoughts for a monday morning

do not call conspiracy
everything that these people call
conspiracy;
do not fear what they fear,
and do not dread it.
the Lord Almighty is the One you are to regard as holy,
He is the One you are to fear,
He is the One you are to dread,
and He will be a sanctuary...
isaiah 8:12-14

here are a short couple thoughts for a monday morning. mondays are the mornings when i work on our family finances. i never planned on being the finance person in our family... it just worked out that way. if i had the choice, i would be completely ignorant of our finances and not have to continually be faced with how much we need God to move in our lives in this very practical way. but, God had a different plan than mine. as i have said in the past, i am on a journey to learn how to live by faith and not fear in regard to money.

finances are a really small thing in the grand scheme of what we have opportunity to dread and fear. there is so much that clamors for our mental and heart energy. so many things are saying, "look over here! fear me! panic! grasp for control of your life! i am worth your attention!" but no matter what we are facing, even if it is death itself, we do not have to fear what is before us. that is the way of those who don't know Him.

we are to fear the Lord Almighty alone. He is the One we are to fear. He is the One we are to dread. why? because our entire life now and for all eternity is in His hands, and it is His mercy we need to find life. these trials now are a drop in the bucket compared to an eternity with or without Him. no man holds my ultimate destiny - not even if they could make my life here really miserable or even kill me. only God is in ultimate control, and no man, disease, calamity, or type of lack can snatch us from His hand.

He will be a place of safety to those who trust in Him.

i know that i need this place of safety. i am sure that you are needing it too. let us once again let go of fear of anything else but Him and find that rest and safe place in the only One who is deserving of our fear and attention.


still counting gifts to 1000...

892 - 914:

892. beautiful weather.

893. being the featured blog here.

894. You can quiet my noisy thoughts.

895. my husband who really is a very involved dad. i couldn't do this 5 kid thing without him.

896. lots of opportunities to swim this summer with the kids.

897. having the kids around more with school out.

898. homemade strawberry chocolate chip ice cream.

899. selling lots of stuff as i clean out the house and simplify.

900. fresh summer produce.

901. so many friends having babies right now!

902. God doesn't measure my success the way i try to measure my success.

903. learning this imperfect parenting thing and meeting the mercy of God along the way.

904. picking blackberries and making jam.

905. creative ideas in the kitchen.

906. running a couple miles at a time... alone.

907. finding a letter from my dad to me when i was born in his office - reading it in his own handwriting and hearing his voice speak to me in my head. a true gift from heaven.

908. heaven is for real.

909. lots of time in the prayer room with our kids on these summer mornings.

910. tomatoes ripening in my very small garden this year.

911. living by truly breath-taking beautiful lakes.

912. new contacts after wearing my glasses that don't fit right for a week straight. so thankful to be able to see even out of the corner of my eye.

913. several days this june that it is cool enough to use my oven! fresh baked cookies...

914. turning off the a/c in june! unheard of... yay for open windows and lower temperatures.


i am linked up at a holy experience.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  you can also follow this blog or subscribe in a reader.  i would love to keep in better touch with you! 

please leave a link to your list of gifts in the comments and i will come visit your blog as well!  i love to give thanks together.


charis

simple thanks

such a simple post today - simply counting my blessings from God. when things get tough or even just overly busy, i need to take time to tell Him all the things i am thankful for so that my heart realigns. i want to overflow in thankfulness and gratitude to Him. my life is really so so blessed if i can have eyes to see it.

still counting gifts to 1000...

867 - 891:

867. the Cross is enough for all of my sin.

868. i do not have the pressure of being "good enough" - He died for me at my worst state.

869. having energy today after a couple days of feeling out of it - i take the simple gift of energy for granted so often.

870. beautiful sunny day.

871. a building for our house of prayer! it has been a long time coming... so glad!

872. God is completely trustworthy.

873. He is my Provider, not man.

874. the story of the book of hosea.

875. we have memorized the 1st 71 verses of psalms as a family - only by the grace of God.

876. monday mornings at starbucks, with coffee, my bible, excellencies of Christ teachings, and my knitting needles.

877. colorful self-striping yarns.

878. the hope of something that has yet to be.

879.being able to run 2 miles at a time without knee pain.

880. reading the book of romans.

881. beautiful days that i don't need to run the ac, but can open the windows.

882. learning the way of simplicity.

883. my back pain is getting less and my sleep is getting better as i have been exercising.

884. small tomatoes starting to grow.

885. the piles are shrinking!

886. selling things here and there - a couple dollars at a time adding up and clearing out the unneeded things from my life.

887. fresh fruit season.

888. peaches!

889. God knows what is coming when i don't, so i can trust Him to give me the grace to deal with each trial and each hurdle.

890. my sweet boys. i love them so much. they fill my heart.

891. my patient husband who has stuck with me this long.

i am linked up at a holy experience.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  you can also follow this blog or subscribe in a reader.  i would love to keep in better touch with you! 

please leave a link to your list of gifts in the comments and i will come visit your blog as well!  i love to give thanks together.


charis

to experience Him anew

it is a simple post today friends.

i have had the old chorus from psalm 51 going over and over again in my head over the past couple days. i am longing for a fresh experience of His mercy on my heart that needs mercy so badly. i am longing for a taste of His love that never fails. i want to feel and know His great compassion towards me. i desire to live from His forgiveness - extending forgiveness towards those around me. then to have my heart come alive! ...not in a boastful power, but in a broken meekness that leans on my Beloved One.

this is my prayer for you as well.

have mercy on me, o God,
according to Your unfailing love;
according to Your great compassion
blot out my transgressions...
create in me a pure heart, o God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me...
the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; 
a broken and contrite heart, 
o God, You will not despise.
                                           psalm 51

still counting gifts to 1000...

848- 866:

848. my 5 wonderful boys.

849. God is not disappointed in me because my weakness doesn't surprise Him

850. my husband is also my friend.

851. i serve a God who is meek and gentle in His dealings with me.

852. the resurrection. so especially thankful for the resurrection.

853. my dad's faith was tested and found to be true.

854. the hope to see my daddy again.

855. the excellencies of Christ teaching by allen hood - stirring a passion in my heart for this amazing man - Jesus my Messiah.

856. time away from my family on monday mornings to spend time with Him.

857. another new beautiful nephew - 3 new nephews added in the past couple months.

858. a beautiful bike riding date with bill - felt like a kid again.

859. the Holy Spirit breathing in me a hunger to know the Word.

860. forgiveness. mercy. the meekness of God toward me. the cleansing of the Holy Spirit like water on my heart.

861. my almost 1 year old baby.

862. fun soccer filled days.

863. hearing my boys confess their sin and experiencing the tenderness of their hearts.

864. friends praying for me in my hard time.

865. all the new life of spring.

866. having real community in my life who stop me and ask how i am doing -who care.

i am linked up at a holy experience.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  you can also follow this blog or subscribe in a reader.  i would love to keep in better touch with you! 

please leave a link to your list of gifts in the comments and i will come visit your blog as well!  i love to give thanks together.


charis

God wants to wow you

please let me share this testimony with you of how God wowed me. may this testimony be a prophecy into your life.

it was monday evening, on the 7th of this month, that i was sitting on the couch thinking about the impossibilities that lay before us. on the thursday night before our oven completely died in the middle of baking a loaf of bread for dinner. our glass top on the stove was already broken a year ago to the tune of $200 to replace ourselves (with one burner completely out of commission), and as we looked into the problem with the oven we discovered the part to fix it was $170 by itself.

almost $400 to fix an oven ourselves - you can buy a new oven for that amount.

...and in a month that was going to be a miracle to get through financially without the extra burden.

we live as missionaries in california (in my hometown even) and january is often an extremely low month of support as people are coming off of the expensive holidays and heading into tax season. somehow january always holds more of the once a year expenses for our family than other months. somehow God always comes through, but it is never without adventure.

as i talked to my mom on the phone on saturday afternoon, less than 48hours after the oven broke, i heard myself say out loud how we would look back on this time someday and be amazed at how God came through for us once again.

looking back, it sounds like i had great faith. i don't think it was as much great faith as it was the past 4 years of living on missionary support to do what God has clearly set before us (in one of the most expensive places in the world to live), we have built a history of seeing God provide for us in spite of our weak faith.

we have 5 kids... 5 little boys who like to eat a lot of food! we live on a whole foods diet, which means i make 98% of the food that we eat and in the winter most of that is in our oven. i knew that we had no means to replace or fix our oven, but i knew that God would make sure our kids ate even if it meant i was about to get really creative in my meal planning.

so on monday night, january 7th at 9:50pm i typed on my one thousand gifts app on my phone:

God is about to wow us.

little did i know that at that very moment He was dropping His plan to wow us into the heart of a friend.

i found out later that at 10:20pm on the very same monday night a friend, not even a super close friend but a sister of a close friend who is a reader of this blog and who i have been getting to know better over facebook, heard of our need and had a God idea. she decided to set up a facebook event to secretly let a bunch of our friends and family know what had happened to our oven and ask them to join her in surprising us with the money to buy a new oven.  these are the words she wrote out on the facebook "event" to bless our family:

Bill & Charis are in need of a oven because theirs just died and it costs $400 to fix, so let's bless them with a brand new one!

They run the prayer watch house here in Redding,Ca and are on missionary support. They have 5 beautiful boys.

We want to keep it a surprise until we give them the money for them to pick out the oven.
The goal is $600 (most oven runs $400 plus taxes etc.) If we end up going over $600, they will have more option to pick a nice one or use the extra money toward anything that they need.

If you are in, I will setup a PayPal or you could write check (mail or meet up) and when we reach $600 or more I will have someone or maybe me hand the money to them.

If we can get 30 people or more to give $20.. Or $5,$10 $15 is fine...or pray for them will be a huge blessing.

If you know anyone that works in the appliance department that can give discount or give a great deal on a electric oven ...please let us know! :)

Thanks! Pass on the Blessings!!!

Remember this is a surprise!

reading these words bring tears to my eyes. oh, a huge surprise it ended up being!

in less than 24 hours they raised the $600... in less that 48 they had well over the amount and still had others who said they had money to get to us.

at this point over $1000 has been given to us as a direct result of this friend asking those who love us to help out.

i am shocked and awed by the mercy and goodness of God.

i will let you watch the video my sister-in-law took while she and my friend michele, who organized the whole gift, hand delivered an envelop of cash and a card listing so so many friends and family, with some anonymous givers thrown in there as well, who gave to our family in our time of need. it is a bit embarrassing to me, in the most God way, but i want to show you and share with you to encourage you in whatever you are going through.

God wants to wow you. He wants to show you His provision is not up to you in any way. His goodness is not up to you. He sends rain to the just and the unjust alike. it isn't up to you to muster up a big faith. a small faith in the One who is Faithful is enough. He wants to kiss you with His kindness just like He kissed me just 11 days ago.

in one of the hardest times of my life, in a time that i have been crying out for God to make Himself really really real to me, He used those around me to answer my cry - a cry that wasn't even about money or provision. my cry was to know Him.

in the time of my weak faith, He is faithful once again to make Himself known.

if He could do it for me, He can do it for you.

we ended up getting both an oven and a new dishwasher for $600 - the amount they originally set out to raise. God is so good. even when you don't see how it is going to work, His ways are beyond what we can see.

still counting gifts to 1000...

825 - 847:


825. the opportunity to bless others with what we have been given by Him.

826. stove popped corn in coconut oil, butter, real salt, and nutritional yeast.

827. the sweetness of a sleeping baby in my arms.  gets me every time.

828. the way giving thanks changes me.

829. letting go.

830. being crushed by the One who has my ultimate best in mind.

831. oat groats and backyard eggs - breakfast perfection.

832. mermaid colored nails.

833. soccer practices and soccer games and being a soccer mama.

834. tuesday bringing a box of new fresh yummy produce every week.

835. one day at a time.

836. God is good - all. the. time.

837. prophetic song - the Holy Spirit melting my hardened heart through the song of another believer.

838. 85% cacao dark chocolate.

839. new pair of toms.

840. gelato date with my oldest boy.

841. hearing his honest assessment of what he likes about me and what i need to work on.

842. staying up a bit late to try to write.

843. freshly mopped kitchen floor.

844. creative meals.

845. God is about to wow us.

846. and He did. and still does.

847. His faithfulness does not depend on the size of my faith.


i am linked up at a holy experience.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  you can also follow this blog or subscribe in a reader.  i would love to keep in better touch with you! 

please leave a link to your list of gifts in the comments and i will come visit your blog as well!  i love to give thanks together.


charis

the moments that add up to life

in reflecting on a year of some major highs and some major lows, i am learning to be thankful for all of it. thankfulness for every moment. even those moments when i feel like it may be easier to crawl into a hole and just disappear. even the ones that aren't the photo-worthy warm and fuzzy moments. even the times that are so painful that it takes all my focus to cry out to God and keep my hope. thankful for every single moment.

because... if i wish away the painful moments of life, i am wishing away my life. all of my life is a gift from God and to give Him thanks and praise in the middle of the hurt is to really live.

so, as much as i would like to only acknowledge the beautiful, fun, happy moments, i am choosing to open my eyes to see the beauty in it all - the beauty of this woven tapestry called life.

thank you God for the life in 2012 and thank you for the life that lies ahead in 2013. 

may the Lord bless you all in all the moments that make up your life. it is all a gift.

charis

i remind myself of all that You've done

it is a busy fall morning around these parts - not much time to even type out these short words as the littlest one reaches for the computer keys.

when it is hardest - those are the times that i most need to give thanks for all He has done and still is doing.  this is what i purpose my heart to do today.

it reminds me of my cousin's song:

when my heart is overwhelmed and i cannot hear Your voice
i'll hold onto what is true though i cannot see
if the storms of life they come and the road ahead gets steep
i will lift these hands in faith
i will believe

i remind myself of all that You’ve done
and the life I have because Your Son
Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
i am Yours, i am forever Yours
mountain high or valley low
i sing out remind my soul
that i am Yours, i am forever Yours

when my heart is filled with hope
and every promise comes my way
when i feel Your hands of grace rest upon me

staying desperate for You God
staying humbled at Your feet
i will lift these hands and praise
i will believe

i remind myself of all that You’ve done
and the life i have because Your Son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
i am Yours, i am forever Yours
mountain high or valley low
i sing out remind my soul
that i am Yours, i am forever Yours

i am Yours
i am Yours
all my days
Jesus, i am Yours 
brian johnson

how about you give it a quick listen?  i am sure it will encourage you just like it encourages me.



also, go to the prayer room archives and listen to the misty edwards devotional from sunday, october 14th at 6pm - from about 30 minutes to 45 minutes into the set is the most amazing spontaneous song that spoke straight to my heart this morning.  if it speaks to you as well, come back and let me know! 

still counting gifts to 1000...

810 - 824:

810. 10 lbs of pomegranate for $3... and processed!

811. the washer and dryer my papa and nana bought for us when we first bought this home 9 years ago - i doubt there has ever been a gift so used!

812. re-purposing the yarn from a favorite cranberry colored sweater that had begun to unravel... oh what to make?!

813. being able to call my mom to pray with me on the phone when it has just been one of "those" days.

814. ran 1.5 miles straight with no pain!

815. beautiful skies every morning!

816. leaves changing colors - it surprises me every year how much this simple thing delights me.

817. "skipping" out on something saturday afternoon to have some much needed space alone (well, with just the baby) - made cookies for an event that night, read my bible, listened to the prayer room, painted my nails, drank some tea, and chatted with my sister.

818. an amazing stretching exercise video my sister-in-law loaned me.

819. hearing giggles (and yes, sometimes screams intermingled) from the other room.

820. His grace is sufficient for me.

821. His mercies are new EVERY morning - and how i need new mercy!

822. spending time with my daddy.

823. that my sister really is my best friend.

824. He is my Rock.

i am linked up at a holy experience.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  you can also follow this blog or subscribe in a reader.  i would love to keep in better touch with you! 

please leave a link to your list of gifts in the comments and i will come visit your blog as well!  i love to give thanks together.


charis

I AM the Lord your Provider

but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. matthew 6:33

still counting gifts to 1000...

799 - 809:

799. gas in the van, and that God isn't intimidated by the rising gas prices like i am.

800. enough grace for today - do not worry about tomorrow...

801. the smell of coffee beans.

802. sun rays bursting through the fluffy clouds this morning.

803. crisp air.

804. pretty nail polish.

805. listening to misty edwards in the prayer room (via my computer) this morning.

806. looking back at old baby pictures and remembering how cute they all were and how chubby!

807. roasted fennel for the 1st time.

808. winter squash in the pantry.

809. the mundane activities that fill my day, and often wear me out, do not go unnoticed nor unvalued by God.

i am linked up at a holy experience.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  you can also follow this blog or subscribe in a reader.  i would love to keep in better touch with you! 

please leave a link to your list of gifts in the comments and i will come visit your blog as well!  i love to give thanks together.


charis

what i have learned having 5 kids...

life lessons from having 5 kids

 photo by myriah grubbs photography

1. life goes so quickly... don't wish this season away for the next.

2. poopy diapers are what they are and aren't the end of the world.

3. there is beauty or frustration in every moment - i get to choose which i focus on.

4. i am a better mama, a better wife, a better friend, a better human being if i get a few minutes in the Word each day.

5. the smiles and sweet sounds of a baby can wash away the fears, frustrations, and failures of the day.

6. somehow God always provides enough even when it doesn't make sense on paper.

7. noisy is relative.

8. quiet is also relative.

9. the reaction to the statement "i have 5 boys" will never get old.

10. once i hit 5 kids, strangers have no filter on the questions they ask about personal life.

11. people think i am some sort of hero or crazy woman to have 5 kids, but really i am just the same girl inside i always have been... and not that different than any other woman i know.

12. prayer is the most important key to every day... and a prayer-less day usually is a disaster.

13. God speaks constantly through the mouth of babes if i have ears to hear.

14. it is much harder to cook enough to have leftovers than it ever seems in the moment.

15. the desire to have no regrets will drive me to do or say crazy things that don't fit my "personality."

16. real friends are hard to come by and should be cherished and valued.

17. saying "i love you" sometimes can get more mileage than long talks that may waste words and time.

18. i love my parents more and more as i stumble along this parenting journey - thank you daddy and mama for the risks you took and the mistakes you made and the love you poured out because i have courage to do the same because of all you gave.

19. you don't have to be a perfect parent to be a darn good one.

20. the most important gift to give a child is an example of a real relationship with God. 

21. the second is a loving, though imperfect, committed marriage.

22. both relationship with God and with a spouse take work, time, and energy.

23. forgiveness is the most important lesson i can teach my kids and learn myself.

24. listen more.  talk less.

25. apologize often.  humbling myself will never go out of style.

still counting gifts to 1000...

769 - 786:

769. oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

770. soccer practices.

771. time to work on the much neglected house work.

772. feeling the connection with my boys' hearts.

773. grace to let down my guard and break down the walls.

774. the constant opportunity to bear my cross in relationships around me.

775. the humbling effect of the cross, even when i despise it.

776. that it is by grace i am saved, for i sure can't seem to do it right.

777. the tenderness of the Lord when i feel pretty small.

778. as far as the east is from the west, that's how far He has removed our transgressions from us.

779. starting to run again!

780. the evidence of the Holy Spirit's activity in my life on the occasions i am actually able to keep my mouth shut.

781. a praying grandma.

782. beauty all around me.

783. the amazing revelations on God and life that spill out of my 4 year old's mouth.

784. worship times on friday nights.

785. the frequent reminders to stay here in the moment, to be present, to soak in the now of my children and my life because it won't be the same tomorrow.

786. knitting... the moments here and there i can pick up where i left off and knit.

i am linked up at a holy experience.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis

dear me at 15...

dear me at 15,

oh my.  how i look at you and have so much compassion for what you are going through.  you are a happy teenage girl who loves the Lord, but you have had a really hard year.  you are hurting still, even though you are afraid to show it.  you wonder at times if someone as young as you should have had to experience so much pain, so much loss, so much disappointment.  i know it doesn't feel fair, but God never promises life will be fair.  the good news is He really does work all things, even the really painful ones, together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.  He really does.

i know you are insecure right now about breaking up with that 1st boyfriend... the one you thought you might marry someday.  i know you feel kinda dumb using the "God told me so" card and like no one really believes you.  honey, you really did hear from God.

it is going to get much more painful over the next couple years with false rumors about you, betrayal, and your heart getting ripped into so many pieces.  but what you cannot see now is he was never the one God had for you to marry.  you will wait quite a while and choose to not date (a great decision, by the way), saying even that you never are going to get married because of the pain this boy caused you, but when you are 21 you will meet just the right one.  you will be so glad you chose to not date.

you did hear God about taking that "break" that broke your heart, and you really will hear God again when He tells you to change your college major plans to graduate a year early.  because you are so willing and tender to obey Him, even when you doubt you hear Him well, you will be in brazil and meet your perfect match when you "should have" been in your senior year of college still.  it was His still small voice telling you now and will tell you then.  trust Him and keep taking the risks to obey.  it will make so much more sense looking back and the pain of right now will seem so worth it.

i know your heart is so afraid of death.  losing a friend you cared about and then both your teenage cousins in a year's time hit hard.  in some ways i am sad that you had to grow up so quickly and not feel as "invincible" as many teens do, but let me tell you it will keep you on the straight and narrow.  you will live more sober than your friends and it keeps you out of a lot of trouble.  you want to end well and you wonder how old you will be when your end will come... you know that no one, no one, is guaranteed tomorrow and you will have scotty and daron in the back of your mind for the rest of your life as you make decisions.  they really never left you in a way.

i know it hurts so badly right now and it scares you that you think you are forgetting their voices... their faces.  i know you think you will never get the images of daron hooked up to life support out of your mind or how unreal they looked in the open caskets at the viewing.  but God is going to give you the most special gift.

in a couple years you will be laying on the floor of your church during a sunday night renewal prayer time and you will get a glimpse into heaven.  daron will approach you and he will look whole.  he will look so happy and healthy, and the images of him dead will be replaced with images of him alive.  the empty space their absence left will never really be filled, but as you grow up you will start to believe more in the reality of the resurrection of our bodies and you will be filled with hope that you really will be with them again.

i don't know if i should tell you that you will have many many more people you know and care about die in the next few years.  you will struggle and wrestle with this - i want to urge you to not keep it in or simply write in your journal... talk to someone about it.  talk to your mom and dad.  they won't think you are crazy or having morbid thoughts.  i know it is so hard to experience loss and know the finite part of life right now, but it will make you more compassionate to those going through it later on.  you see, God really does work all things for good.  He uses your broken places to minister to others who are hurting.

i know there is tension in your relationship with your dad.  let me tell you that God is so faithful and He brings so much healing and it gets so so good.  listen more - he has really good advice and perspective.  react less and realize that your emotions are not good leaders.  ask him to go to coffee and lunch with you - that one on one time with him will be one of your favorite things as you get older.  right before you meet your husband you will decide that one of the most important qualities you want in a spouse is someone who can really talk to your dad.  in fact, your husband will remind you so much of your dad that it will make you smile all the time.

enjoy the times being on the worship team with your mom - so much of this will shape your future in ministry.  humble yourself and be correctable - she isn't being old fashioned when she sends you home to change your clothes because your skirt is too short.  i know you roll your eyes often now, but later you will realize that she was right and you will sound old fashioned to other young girls... and you will be proud to be just like her.

your parents are your biggest cheerleaders.  i know you want to please them so much, but realize that you don't have to earn their love - you never had to.  listen more.  be defensive less.  they really are for you and not against you - later you will advise other people of the great ways your parents raised you as a teenager with trust and responsibility.  watch carefully how they do it because in not too terribly long you will be raising your own kids and calling them asking for advice.

i guess the most important thing i want you to know even though you have strived so hard to earn God's love and the love of those around you, stop striving!  you can't be a good enough girl for God to love you more.  He already offers it so freely and He knows your weakness and isn't intimidated by your strong emotions.  He knows you will mess up many many times and be tempted to beat yourself up.  all He is waiting for is for you to come to Him and surrender.  keep purposing to walk faithful, but come to Him when you mess up.  He will forgive you as many times as it takes.  you are going to learn that humbling yourself asking for forgiveness from those around is much better than trying to be perfect - the healing God will bring to your heart and your relationships is so good.

enjoy your brother and sister.  your mom was right - they will be your best friends as you keep growing up.  laugh, have fun, be real - you guys will make awesome memories.

one more thing - next summer you are going to go spend a week and a half in santa cruz with your cousins at your grandparents' house.  you will get homesick and want to go home early.  your grandpa is going up to northern california and will offer to drive you back home to redding.  he will offer to let you drive his bmw (it will make you feel really cool and nervous at the same time) and you will have such a special talking time on that 5 hour drive.  soak it in.  remember the stories and ask all the good questions.  really listen and commit it to memory.  that one on one time with him will be one of you most special memories after he dies.  you will think back on it often and be so glad that you were homesick and got to have those good talks with him all by yourself.  you will wish you remembered better and asked even more questions.

God loves you and He will never ever leave you.  hang in there - life isn't easy but it is really really good.

love,
your 33 year old self

ever wondered what you would say to yourself when you were a teen?  this writing exercise was healing to my heart and i saw how involved the Holy Spirit has been in my life every step of the way.  He is so good!  join in at chatting at the sky!

still counting gifts to 1000...

759 - 768:

759. tears as writing to my younger self brought so much perspective and healing.  God is so good!

760. friends with whom i can share my heart and struggles.

761. the sweet and painful conviction of the Holy Spirit on my heart.

762. priceless opportunities to get one on one time with my different kids - connecting to their hearts.

763. morning prayer time with the boys on the drive to school.

764. cleaning out the cluttered cupboards - re-establishing some order.

765. reused peanut butter jars as water glasses.

766. my sweet david making new friends at pre-k.

767. heart connect with my oldest over ways we both are struggling.

768. God works all thing together for good for those who love Him!  all things!


i am linked up at a holy experience. and chatting at the sky.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis

maybe all we really need...

it is the living who give thanks to You, as i do today,
a father tells his sons about Your faithfulness. isaiah 38:19

it is so easy to look at our lives and only see what we are lacking.  maybe it is money.  maybe it is a lack-luster marriage.  maybe it is opportunity in career or ministry.  maybe it is friendship.  maybe it is a family.

for me, though it seems trite, it was just about chicken tonight... or my lack of chicken... 

come and visit me at 5 minutes for faith to read the rest.  i really love you all visiting over there and offering your thoughts and feedback in the comments.  i hope to encourage you today with what i am sharing!

i am linking up with barbie this week for fresh brewed sundays.

do you like this post?  consider subscribing to this blog and/or liking our facebook page to stay connected.

charis

rest

i wish i had the energy tonight to really write a post for you all.  i have missed writing and missed this community here.  the new school year, and all that has come with it including transitions in other areas of life, has hit me hard.  i mean hard.

just want to share a few pictures of the rest that God provided for us before the craziness of this season we just started.  oh, how did He know how badly i needed the rest?!

oh, and there is always enough time to give thanks, right?   He is the Giver of all life and He gives so freely to me every single day.

still counting gifts to 1000...

735 - 758:

735. my newest adopted niece that God placed in our family.

736. the hard work of the firefighters working on the blazes all around our city.

737. a patient husband who isn't scared off by my meltdown moments.

738. the challenge to find a new rhythm of life with this hectic fall schedule.

739. my sister's miracle pregnancy!

740. an amazing pediatrician for the past 8.5 years.

741. my sweetest david's 1st day of school ever tomorrow.

742. a walk with my dear friend who has been my friend for almost 30 years.

743. beautiful blooming crepe myrtle trees everywhere i look.

744. breath-taking sunsets.

745. my old computer sold on ebay.

746. coffee on the tired mornings that are way earlier than i am ready for quite yet.

747. a weekend full of celebrating new (and not so new) life all weekend long.

748. super easy hummus to make super easy kid lunches.

749. the washing machine and dryer my pop and nana bought us 9 years ago when we found out we were pregnant with our 1st child... still going strong 5 kids later!

750. peace in the midst of the storm.

751. He is my Hope.

752. reminder here to teach my kids compassion first.

753. the desire to simplify life right now in the midst of one of our busiest seasons yet.

754. a new guitar student for the hubby.

755. the boys' soccer practices.

756. an amazing oregon coast get-away right before school started.

757. driving along the beautiful coast - giant redwoods on our left, pacific ocean on our right.

758. i made myself a hat at last minute to deal with the shock of highs in the high 50's after being in 114 degree heat the day before.



i am linked up at a holy experience.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis 

how to walk through the unknown

may God, the source of hope, fill you completely with joy and peace as you continue trusting, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may overflow with hope.  romans 15:13

day by day, step by step, yes by yes - we go on in trusting God.  we walk the path that is directly before us.  even if the way seems dark all around us and there is so much uncertainty and so much unknown... fear is not our friend.  trusting in Him, over and over again, is the only way.

my faith feels weak so many times.  my trust seems shaky so often.  but i resolve myself to turn my eyes towards Jesus and let Him fill me with joy overflowing... peace that overcomes... hope that is unshakeable. 

just because people choose to speak out the things that they are thankful for doesn't mean they have it all together, or even think that they do.  it may simply mean they are choosing, once again right here and now, to trust in God with their words and in their actions.  it may mean that they choose to remember all He has given them to silence the voice of grumbling and complaining that threatens to rear its ugly head and cause them to deny His lordship and grasp for their own control.

all we can see is the outward appearance, but God sees straight to the heart. 

i choose to recognize His faithfulness and to remind myself again and again of all that has come from His hand and not question all that i do not know right now.  if He has been faithful in so many ways, He will be faithful again.  even in the unknown we can walk with confidence because of whose hand we hold.

God would not give the darkness
if He thought we could handle the light
but we would not cling to His guiding hand
if the way were always bright
and we would not choose to walk by faith
could we always walk by sight.
                                     unknown

still counting gifts to 1000...

704 - 734:

704. a house to clean.

705. opportunity to be a stay at home mom and supplement our income teaching piano.

706. simeon making so much progress in swimming lessons and actually loving the water now - far cry from the start of the summer!

707. going in on a local raised grass fed steer for meat next summer!

708. new swim suit that fits on clearance.

709. leftovers for lunch.

710. beet brownies.

711. the art of downsizing.

712. the opportunity to teach my kids piano and getting to relate musically to them.

713. making gifts for so many upcoming baby showers!

714. a solid relationship with my mom and dad.

715. kids who pray with faith.

716. He arose from the grave... and i will rise too.

717. God opening doors before us.

718. the new craft of making jam.

719. free berries for reusing old berry baskets.

720. donut peaches.

721. preserving summer fruit for fall and winter.

722. self striping yarn.

723. seeing my cousin after a year and a half of missing her.

724. fresh eggs for breakfast almost every day.

725. places to swim when it is hot.

726. simeon's new sentences every day.

727. reminders to pray every time i see a blooming crepe myrtle tree.

728. a hard afternoon ending with a much better night.

729. free fruit from a friend's bounty.

730. sunday afternoons at my parents' house.

731. a go fish game with my older 3 boys while the little ones napped.

732. faith is simply continued trust in the Trustworthy One.

733. a husband who really is my friend.

734. He is our Source of hope.


i am linked up at a holy experience.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis 

photo used with permission by garrison photo on stock.xchng

simply thankful today

life has been pretty busy around here (though i somehow thought summer would mean life slowing down, not speeding up!) and i haven't been able to write here as much as i have wanted.  i have sat down several times to write only for it not to happen.

what i do have time to do, and need to do, is record the things i am thankful for.  i have so so much to be thankful for and i don't want to ever forget that.  even though i made a commitment to record the gifts of God to at least 1000, in reality i want this to simply be the overflow of my heart.  i want a thankful heart that acknowledges God's constant activity in my life.  i hate that i slip into ungratefulness and complaining

way. too. often.

so join me in counting gifts.  i will share mine with you.  please share yours with me.  if you record them on your blog feel free to leave a link in the comments below.  if you don't blog, then please leave something you are thankful for right now in the comment section.  you have no idea how uplifting it is to me to hear what you are thankful for and how it opens my eyes to even more i have to be thankful for in my own life as well.  thankfulness is contagious. 

still counting gifts to 1000...

683 - 703:

683. our trip to kc and sitting in the prayer room at ihop.

684. time to read bible books straight through.

685. the Lord's incredible provision over and over again.

686. grace to be slow to speak, quick to listen, slow to anger one moment at a time.

687. whenever we lack in wisdom we can ask of the Father and He freely gives to all who ask.

688. 5 good little travelers.

689. He will be faithful to complete the good work He started in us until the day of the Lord.

690. grace to forgive because i have been forgiven.

691. safe plane flights and car rides.

692. old family friends that always feel like home and time with them never feels long enough.

693. the sweetness of baby smiles for the mama.

694. 3-6 month baby sized pin striped pants.

695. foot rubs for tired feet.

696. coffee when i haven't had much sleep.

697. learning how to jam and can that jam.

698. re-purposing to make cute gifts.

699. provision to buy fresh fruit at the best time of year for fresh fruit.

700. coupons!!

701. all 18 lbs of chubby goodness.

702. new shoes from the hubby.

703. the full full summer that seems to be flying by too fast.

i am linked up at a holy experience.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis

one of those days

i am so exhausted!  it has been one of those days.  i am sure that you know exactly what i am talking about because we all have them.

i went nonstop for hours driving back and forth from thing to thing, knowing in the back of my mind that the house was a disaster at home and we had company coming over tonight.  i had grouchy little ones not making life any easier.  just when i would get a moment to hang up clean laundry something would come up - nursing, making lunch, grouchy 1 year old, the phone ringing, or time to go get in the car to drive to the next thing... oh my!

but i made it!  the day is almost over.

my frequent prayer today was: give me the grace to have the fruit of the Holy Spirit at work in my life today.  help me guard my tongue from grumbling and complaining.  (a few times i would start to complain out loud without thinking right in the middle of praying this - oops!)  i choose joy in the middle of this day because You gave me today as a gift.  thank you for allowing me to serve my family and help me choose joy instead of grumbling... 

i probably said that prayer, or a version of it, about 10 times throughout the day - every time i would start to feel my blood boil or my heart race.  self-control and patience were two fruits i was needing Him to grow in me today.  i am not afraid to pray for patience because i need it!

grumbling and complaining, the opposite of self-control and patience, have become all too natural for me as i go about my daily life and sometimes i need a roll of duct tape to just keep myself from sinning over and over again.  it always amazes me to think that an entire generation of israelites died in the wilderness and it was saved for the next generation to inherit the promised land because they couldn't keep their mouths in control.  Lord help me!

my allergies were such a mess today that it was easy to want to give myself the excuse that i could just be in a bad mood because i didn't feel well.  but if i can't be an overcomer today, how in the world will i be one in real tribulation and trials?!

so i choose joy and i choose to shut my mouth if joy isn't flowing so freely.

on an amazing note - the jeep was found!  i will have to tell you the story when i am not so exhausted, but i just have to say that God has my attention from all that happened with this whole situation.  even the way it was found baffles me.

whether He gives or takes away... blessed be His name.



still counting gifts to 1000...


673 - 682:

673. the jeep was found!

674. time with my husband's parents.

675. good company and talk time.

676. kids finally in bed and sleeping!

677. a better night sleep where i got into a deeper sleep than i have since hosea was born.

678. selling things on ebay and making room in the closets.

679. clean sheets.

680. our upcoming trip to ihop and to st. louis to see family!

681. surviving a busy exhausting day.

682. the prayer for patience will pay off.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit!  if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section.  i love hearing from you!

if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis

what an opportunity!

it is the home stretch of school and i am so ready for summer!  i am having a hard time with these long sunlit evenings to get the kids to bed for the early mornings.  i love to spend time with my kids and i am so excited for them to be home and doing fun things together!

to kick off the summer (though we still have 3 days of school left) we went cherry picking on saturday morning.  we filled 2.5 buckets of cherries and only paid $21.  after sorting through the berries i found we had about 17 baskets filled! i would way that was pretty good.  besides getting a ton of great summer fruit, we had a great time as a family.  it's memory making and a yummy way to make memories by picking fresh fruit.  do you know your farmer?

now what i really want to write about is the overwhelming absolute goodness and kindness of our God.  do you know His very real kindness in every circumstance?  i am rejoicing extra in Him today because of our present trials.

we woke up this morning to our jeep wrangler missing from the front of our house.  yep, it was stolen.  after all that has happened over the last couple weeks i have to be honest with you that i wasn't terribly surprised.  this is not said in a pessimistic way at all.  i have been asking the Lord to be my Rock that i build on alone and that i wouldn't be so attached to the things of this world.

just yesterday morning i posted on our facebook page (are you part of our growing community yet?)  a passage in revelation 3 that was a warning to one of the seven churches about how she had grown lukewarm.  in His incredible mercy and kindness, Jesus warned this church that her eyes had become distracted by riches and thinking she had all she needed in wealth of the world in the now.  what she did not realizing was the true broken state she was in.  reading this yesterday morning i prayed, God, don't let me be blinded!  i want to be rich in you and it that means breaking my grip on my stuff now, then please do it!

you see, in our house of prayer community and on this blog as well we talk a lot about having our hope anchored in the Day of the Lord.  i talk a lot about Jesus being my inheritance and my exceedingly great reward.  yet i don't want to stand before Him when He returns and find out that my life really was just a bunch of good talk without the reality of living the message behind it.  i don't want to have a reputation for being alive, but being dead on the inside (a warning Jesus gave another one of the seven churches)!

so today, i thank Him in true sincerity for the opportunity for my heart to be tested now.  am i willing to live the message of having my hope anchored in His coming?  i get the opportunity to bless my enemy and pray for his (or her) repentance and salvation from the lake of fire.  i get to ask that the Lord uses this not only to refine my heart and love for Him, but to draw the thief to Himself and ask that he would choose to leave his life of sin and follow Jesus.

of course i would love for the police to find our jeep and return it.  i would love for the thief himself to repent and return it himself.

but my hope doesn't lie in justice right now - my hope lies in the One who will make all the wrong things right once and for all when He steps foot again on this fallen earth and sets up His righteous kingdom.

this is what i eagerly wait for - and if someone takes my stuff i choose to rejoice in my God for He is good and He is for me and not against me.  He gives me the opportunity to choose Him first with my real life and not just with my words.  i get the opportunity to experience true joy and turn from the human tendency to get angry when 1 are wronged.

i know God will take care of us.  sure, it is our car, but it is only a car.  He has never failed me yet and i know Him to be faithful and trustworthy and in this too He is so so good.

you can ask the Lord to bring our jeep back (i am), but i mostly ask you to pray with me that i will be found pleasing to Him in the midst of this and that the thief would find mercy and salvation.  amen!

 so i thank Jesus for today as much as for our cherry picking day - all are gifts.

still counting gifts to 1000...


654 - 672:

654. supplies in my craft closet to make gifts.

655. the Holy Spirit moving my heart for the poor.

656. a family pass to the aquatic center for the summer.

657. my boys who want to be preachers when they grow up and are already giving their  first sermons.

658. praying with other women lift up each others' needs and desires.

659. fresh fruit of the summer.

660. cherry picking.

661. patience He is working into my heart.

662. tender hearts before the Lord.

663. bright blue sunny sky days.

664. the rain watering my garden for me today.

665. new ideas for the garden.

666. sweet sons who love each other as brothers and friends.

667. new piano student.

668. the opportunity to walk the talk.

669. His mercies are new every morning, so great is His faithfulness.

670. teachers who see my boys with the eyes of the Father.

671. our freezer to preserve the summer bounty for the winter up ahead.

672. He works all things together for our good.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit!  if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section.  i love hearing from you!

if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis

15 things that i love

in honor of the day of my birth, i want to share with you a few of my favorite things.  though not an all inclusive list, these are some things i truly do love (not necessarily in any order, though the hubby does get the top billing that he is due).

1. my wonderful hubby bill.  yes, i think we were wiping my kiss off, or was it my lip gloss?  regardless, my purple hair rocked and so does my husband of ten years.

above two pictures by myriah grubbs photography

 

2. baby feet.  i love them.  like, maybe way too much.  maybe that is why i keep having babies. (wink, wink)

3. the ocean.  pretty much any body of water will do something inside this heart of mine, but there is something extra special about the ocean.

4. this lovely instrument called a piano.  my mom made me take lessons when i was a kid, through me liking it then not liking it, practicing then not practicing, wanting to quit then so thankful that i didn't!!! (thank you mommy!!)  these beautiful ivories are my connecting place with the Lord more often than not.

5. the Word - and i love that i have a bible that is in english and spanish... and that it was a gift from my husband when i first met him. 

6. baby lips.  kissable. loveable. eatable. baby. lips.  tell me you can't resist either.

7. homegrown tomatoes.  my homegrown tomatoes.  i love gardening and eating from the garden.

8. knitting.  there is something soothing in the rhythm.  i also always remember that when i read a tale of two cities my sophomore year of high school i decided i wanted to knit.  it was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

9. singing.  writing music.  recording my music.  someday i will record a cd of my music for you to enjoy.

10. tulips.  my favorite flower.  then comes roses and calla lilies as close seconds.  but there is just something about a tulip that gets me every time.

11. fireworks!  i love the crash.  i love the lights.  i love the glitter falling from the sky.  i hoped simeon, who was due in july, would be born on the 4th so i could tell him that the fireworks were for his birthday every year.  he waited and was both the 16th.  oh well!  but... he did start walking on the 4th of july.  i told him the fireworks were in honor of him walking.  we will go with it til he is too old to believe me.  aw, beautiful fireworks!

12. creating.  i have had so much fun finding a new creative side of me that i didn't know i had... i have always been a musician.  i have been an actress.  i have been a writer.  i have been a painter.  i have been a cook (an artist in the kitchen you may say since i can't follow a recipe but have to make it my own and create as i go).  but to create with my hands and a bit of yarn?  well, this is still fairly new to me and i am loving it.

13. did i mention that i love baby feet?  aw, the love is welling up inside right now.

above picture by myriah grubbs photography

14. i love blogging.  i love my readers - those who comment and those who just read that i may never know. 

15. much much more!  i love my family, my kiddos (all 5 of these boys!), my church community, my Savior, and all that God gives me every single day.  i am incredibly blessed and celebrate another year of knowing the goodness of God.  there is so much to be thankful for!


still counting gifts to 1000...


629 - 653:

629. fun new colorful yarn to make a gift for a friend.

630. tandem nursing going well.

631. hubby working hard to clean the tons of pollen from our roof, driveway, yard, and street - it looked like tumble weeds.

632. wednesday night date nights with or without a babysitter... kids in bed and blackberry cobbler in the oven.

633. the bad dream was only a dream and not real life.

634. the opportunity to use a very broken area of my life to encourage a friend who is struggling.

635. fresh squeezed orange juice.

636. time to celebrate my siblings birthdays.

637. learning psalm 5 as a family and getting to teach the boys the old chorus that is the 1st couple verses.

638. brightly colored flowers blooming on the front porch.

639. a freshly mowed lawn.

640. the hens started laying eggs again after mourning their lost sister.

641. reading the book of acts and having the stories come alive.

642. listening to my little ones go to sleep listening to the book of the revelation of Jesus on cd.

643. God's provision for us.

644. clean water to drink whenever i want.

645. cuddles with my simeon.

646. a kitchen to create in.

647. the pinched nerve in my shoulder is finally loose.  feels so much better.

648. cute new baby clothes - feels like i am dressing up a baby doll.

649. a garden in a pot - a thoughtful gift from a gardening friend who knew i haven't had time to plant my garden this year.

650. more meals brought by friends and leftovers for lunches.

651. another year and more thankful than ever before.

652. bbq at the lake with family.

653. grace to memorize the Word.


i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit!  if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section.  i love hearing from you!

if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can to the upper right of this post.  i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis