when i am afraid

word for the day:  afraid

start.

truth be known, i struggle quite a bit with being afraid. i am afraid of being alone. i am afraid of the unknown. i am afraid of disappointment. i am afraid of letting others down. i am afraid of death. i am afraid of pain.

there is this amazing God, the God of the Bible, who offers freedom from fear. He calls it casting all my cares on Him. He calls it trusting in Him. He calls it leaning on Jesus for my righteousness.

He tells me, why are you worried about tomorrow? 

worry and fear are the opposite of trust and faith.

being afraid is usually a sign that i am relying on myself to figure it all out - my own problems and those of everyone else around me. though being afraid isn't a sin, refusing to let it go into His hands when i am confronted with my fear by His precious Holy Spirit is.

oh may i not refuse the sweet relief you offer me.

You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in YOU. 

trade my fear for Your peace.

stop. 

if you want to join in, the instructions are below.



5 minute friday rules:
1. write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. link back here and invite others to join in.
3. please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

if you write a 5 minute friday, let me know -  i would love to visit your blog and read what comes spilling out when writing against the clock!  


charis

is He enough?

so much has gone not the way i would have liked in the past 24 hours.

in the midst of my distraction by more important things, i have managed to set one kitchen towel on fire - not noticing it until there were real flames. i burnt a pot of chickpeas.  my favorite stone pan broke in two. (and we haven't left talking about the kitchen yet!)  my house, the one thing that is seemingly in my control, is completely a disaster and out of control.

isn't that they way it is for us as broken humans - when so much is out of our control, we grasp to hold tightly to the few things we thing we think we control. 

isn't that all a control spirit really is... a person who is afraid?  when feeling small and staring into the big unknown, so often we become "control freaks" over the things that don't even really matter.

i get so upset by the dirt on the floor, but really is the dirt all that important since we are but made of dust?

i have to finally ask myself the question: is it going to be about the wasted food, small kitchen fire, and crumbs on the floor or at the end of the day is He enough?

am i going to insist on the appearance of having it together and having all the answers or am i going to fall back in trust into His arms and believe He is there to catch me?

is He alone really enough?

i have a testimony about Jesus,
He carries me through my worst storms -
i only call on Jesus,
i'm leaning on His everlasting arms.
                                     jon thurlow

charis

how to walk through the unknown

may God, the source of hope, fill you completely with joy and peace as you continue trusting, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may overflow with hope.  romans 15:13

day by day, step by step, yes by yes - we go on in trusting God.  we walk the path that is directly before us.  even if the way seems dark all around us and there is so much uncertainty and so much unknown... fear is not our friend.  trusting in Him, over and over again, is the only way.

my faith feels weak so many times.  my trust seems shaky so often.  but i resolve myself to turn my eyes towards Jesus and let Him fill me with joy overflowing... peace that overcomes... hope that is unshakeable. 

just because people choose to speak out the things that they are thankful for doesn't mean they have it all together, or even think that they do.  it may simply mean they are choosing, once again right here and now, to trust in God with their words and in their actions.  it may mean that they choose to remember all He has given them to silence the voice of grumbling and complaining that threatens to rear its ugly head and cause them to deny His lordship and grasp for their own control.

all we can see is the outward appearance, but God sees straight to the heart. 

i choose to recognize His faithfulness and to remind myself again and again of all that has come from His hand and not question all that i do not know right now.  if He has been faithful in so many ways, He will be faithful again.  even in the unknown we can walk with confidence because of whose hand we hold.

God would not give the darkness
if He thought we could handle the light
but we would not cling to His guiding hand
if the way were always bright
and we would not choose to walk by faith
could we always walk by sight.
                                     unknown

still counting gifts to 1000...

704 - 734:

704. a house to clean.

705. opportunity to be a stay at home mom and supplement our income teaching piano.

706. simeon making so much progress in swimming lessons and actually loving the water now - far cry from the start of the summer!

707. going in on a local raised grass fed steer for meat next summer!

708. new swim suit that fits on clearance.

709. leftovers for lunch.

710. beet brownies.

711. the art of downsizing.

712. the opportunity to teach my kids piano and getting to relate musically to them.

713. making gifts for so many upcoming baby showers!

714. a solid relationship with my mom and dad.

715. kids who pray with faith.

716. He arose from the grave... and i will rise too.

717. God opening doors before us.

718. the new craft of making jam.

719. free berries for reusing old berry baskets.

720. donut peaches.

721. preserving summer fruit for fall and winter.

722. self striping yarn.

723. seeing my cousin after a year and a half of missing her.

724. fresh eggs for breakfast almost every day.

725. places to swim when it is hot.

726. simeon's new sentences every day.

727. reminders to pray every time i see a blooming crepe myrtle tree.

728. a hard afternoon ending with a much better night.

729. free fruit from a friend's bounty.

730. sunday afternoons at my parents' house.

731. a go fish game with my older 3 boys while the little ones napped.

732. faith is simply continued trust in the Trustworthy One.

733. a husband who really is my friend.

734. He is our Source of hope.


i am linked up at a holy experience.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis 

photo used with permission by garrison photo on stock.xchng

get me a lock... a big one.

i had so much fun last week that today i am again linking up with the gypsy mama for 5 minute friday.  i love meeting new people, so if you are visiting from the link up, let me know in the comments below so i can go read your post as well!


5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

word for the day: trust

start.

wow, what a word for the day.

i guess it is as good of a time as any to get a bit vulnerable and -shudder- maybe try out a bit of that trust thing.

when i was in college i actually wrote my senior thesis on the word trust.  i had many wounds, recent and older, that made me want desperately to find in the Bible a strong case for not trusting people.  i was hurting and some of the wounds were incredibly fresh and painful and i didn't want to open myself up to that type of hurt again.

image by MeiTeng

building up some strong walls sounded good to me.  even a fortress.

i wasn't sure how i was going to write an entire thesis on proving my point, but my professor was up for seeing what i came up with.

i found in all i could research both in the Word and in pop psychology that no matter how much pain i was in, it was the wrong move to lock up my heart in efforts to not experience pain again.

i found trust is vital for a baby to develop to end up being a healthy adult (emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally).

i found the example of the life of Jesus to bring me to bittersweet tears in the fact that He trusted and allowed people close, even knowing the deceitful hearts of men.  i went through the whole gamut of emotions about this - anger, confusion, denial, and finally acceptance of the hard road ahead of opening up my heart again even after being hurt.

i was in wonder thinking about how Jesus treated both judas and peter - both denying Him... and He restoring the one who didn't take his life in regret and shame.  i doubt i would have the strength or foresight to trust "my church" to the one who had just told everyone they didn't know me while i could actually see them saying it... one who claimed to be my closest friend.

stop.

well, that is five minutes.  what i would add is this - i found Jesus' incredible example of how He lived a life of forgiveness and mercy to those who most definitely did not deserve it the most amazing example of trust i have ever seen. 

in the process of writing my senior thesis, the Holy Spirit encountered my own deceitful heart with this same mercy.  i heard the Lord whisper to me when i asked Him in angry tears what He wanted from me - will you love my people?  waves of mercy washed up over my hurting heart and brought an initial healing to the brokenness that i have had to walk out over the years.

Jesus was never naive nor ignorant of the capacity and ability in man to deceive and wound others, and yet we are the ones He chose to surround Himself with and to give His life for on the cross.

if He can give His life, i can choose to unlock my heart.

how about you?  are you going through some trust issues that i can support you in prayer?  what testimonies of overcoming broken trust can you share with us to encourage us all in our journeys?

charis