when i am afraid

word for the day:  afraid

start.

truth be known, i struggle quite a bit with being afraid. i am afraid of being alone. i am afraid of the unknown. i am afraid of disappointment. i am afraid of letting others down. i am afraid of death. i am afraid of pain.

there is this amazing God, the God of the Bible, who offers freedom from fear. He calls it casting all my cares on Him. He calls it trusting in Him. He calls it leaning on Jesus for my righteousness.

He tells me, why are you worried about tomorrow? 

worry and fear are the opposite of trust and faith.

being afraid is usually a sign that i am relying on myself to figure it all out - my own problems and those of everyone else around me. though being afraid isn't a sin, refusing to let it go into His hands when i am confronted with my fear by His precious Holy Spirit is.

oh may i not refuse the sweet relief you offer me.

You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in YOU. 

trade my fear for Your peace.

stop. 

if you want to join in, the instructions are below.



5 minute friday rules:
1. write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. link back here and invite others to join in.
3. please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

if you write a 5 minute friday, let me know -  i would love to visit your blog and read what comes spilling out when writing against the clock!  


charis

it's time to get really really real

it's time to get really really real right now.  buckle your seat belts.

i am acutely aware right now of my own humanity.  frailty.  brokenness.

a friend told me to listen to one of my favorite songs tonight while reading her blog and i encourage you to do the same reading mine. 

things have been happening.  nothing extremely devastating.  oh believe me i have had those times.  everything, however, has been somewhat life altering. 

and i have had this stress, this anxiety, in my shoulders like a burden across my back that i had to carry.  the weight of the world, if you will.  my little world.

i am no super mom.  having 5 kids is hard.  it is exhausting.

- having 1 kid is exhausting.  let's all be honest about that one. - 

but i am exhausted... near tears and yet too tired to cry.  it isn't the kids who are wearing on me.  sure they have their own rough moments.  it is just all this tiredness and the little things that happen on top of it.

for example...

 a chicken falling over dead in her sleep and finding her in the yard.  no explanation. 

tires that won't wear evenly and spending 7 hours last week over multiple days in car repair shop waiting rooms. 

my computer dying and being left wondering how i lived organized without using my computer - i feel paralyzed in the simple tasks of managing my own home (or blogging for that matter). 

i know that simply reading my blog can skew your perspective of me as a normal human full of frailty and brokenness.  let me shatter that image right now and let you know that i am having a hard time just like you are having or have had yourself.  i find myself crying out to the Lord, why am i so shaken? 

the song popped into my head today on Christ the solid rock i stand, all other ground is sinking sand and i realized:  if i am feeling so shaken by so much these days, might i have some sand still in my foundation when i had hoped was only built on Him? 

...and tears fill my eyes at the revelation of my own fallenness.

it is the Holy Spirit's mercy to reveal this to me, but pains my heart to see it so.  i build upon the Rock, and yet somewhere i started trusting in other things as well and when those things shifted my trust got shaky. 

at some point while i was trusting Him to be my Lord and Savior, i started wanting to take the reigns of my life and felt the pressure to save myself.

...and i am not a very good savior.

once again i am crying out for the grace to lean upon my Beloved.  it isn't that these fairly normal life circumstances caused the turmoil in my soul.  the turmoil has always been there lying undisturbed and hidden from even me.  the circumstances just give me an opportunity to see what was already in my heart and be able to cry out for Him to be my Everything.

there are no super christians.  no matter what you think of the amazing preacher, the encouraging blogger, or the "super mom" who seems to have it all together, the truth of the matter is we are all weak and all in need of the One who remains the same when everything else is shaken.

be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  

the things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.  but i rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at last you have revived your concern for me; indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity.  not that i speak from want, for i have learned to be content in whatever circumstances i am.  

i know how to get along with humble means, and i also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance i have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.  

i can do all things through Him who strengthens me.  philippians 4:6-13

i need the peace of God to guard my heart and my mind.  right now.  i pray this peace also guards you as well and that He is the firm foundation on which your house is built.  let Him deal with the faults in our foundations now so that we will stand firm in the shaking to come.  He is faithful to use these present trials to refine us, shape us, and draw us to Himself.

 charis

peace. be still.

word for the day: loud

start.

it all started with a sharp word towards one of my kids, for what reason i really cannot remember.  a heated impatience threatening to boil over and consume everyone within its immediate range, i gave a look at my husband.

"what's wrong?" he asked.

it isn't what is wrong.  there really isn't much that is wrong.  actually, if i would take the time to step back and give an honest look at life around me a lot is very right.

it is just too loud inside my head.

sometimes i wish all the noise in my brain would stop.  be quiet.  give me some space to really think.

sometimes i know that i am being driven by some primal urge to make the noise just go away - to shut off the loud and replace it with quiet.  this animal-like instinct can unfortunately wound those around me and there is no one left guilty for any crime except me.

when Jesus said to the storms, "peace. be still," i wish He would come say it to my internal life.  i am tired of the storms inside that affect the way i act on the outside.  i despise that i take my stress and unrest out on those i love the most.  i long to act from a place of peace rather than a place of irritation.

finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  philippians 4:8

what i fill my mind and heart with is surely going to affect what comes out, right?

be still, and know that i am God.  psalm 46:10

i long to be still.  i long for quiet in my soul.  Lord, make the loud noises stop.

stop.


want to join in?  it is easy.



5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

as always,  i love to hear from you.
charis

still waters

in whirlwind days like today, i am reminded to slow down!  it doesn't mean i can necessarily stop the activity before me and all around me, but i do want to choose thankfulness instead of dread and stress about what lies ahead. 

this river, the river i live by, always seems to remind me of peace and stillness.

be still and know i am God. psalm 46:10

some translations say cease striving.  wow, is that ever talking to me when things get busy.  have you found yourself striving lately with all that must be done like me?

somehow there is a way to be still while still being active... while still moving and going somewhere, but keeping the peace that is a fruit of a life anchored in trusting God.

so i am asking tonight,

Lord, You be my Good Shepherd.

                            make me lacking in nothing.

                                                         teach me to rest in green pastures.

                                                                            lead me beside the still waters.

restore my weary soul.

                  guide me in Your paths of righteous for the sake of Your name.

    and when i walk through a valley that has the threat of death
                                                                           
                                                                               help me not be afraid.
                 
                                                                                           Lord, be with me.

guide me with Your discipline.

                comfort me with Your leadership.

                       prepare a feast for me in the presence of those who hate me.

anoint me with Your oil.

                           make my cup overflowing.

             may Your goodness,
                    
                        may Your lovingkindness,
                                     
                                     Your faithfulness,
                                              
                                             follow me for all the days You have set before me

      so i may dwell with You forever in the place where You dwell.

                                                                                                           amen.


still counting gifts to 1000...

410 - 430:

410. Jesus' words, "so do not be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows."

411. that with God, all things are possible.

412. warmth on a cold day.

413. unexpected provision... yet again, at exactly the right timing.

414. that the glucose test is now behind me... hoping for a good report.

415. reignited love for favorite old hymns.

416. the hope in the old hymns anchored in when we finally see Jesus face to face and not in the present time we live in.

417. a helpful husband when i have had so much to do and so little energy to do it.

418. a meal in the freezer to pull out for a no hassle dinner.

419. much needed rain that is falling.

420. teething tablets for the little guy who has been cutting 8 teeth nonstop for about a month now.

421. newman's peppermints.

422. sunshine break in the middle of rainy days.

423. grace to do what needs to be done.

424. a good report on my glucose tolerance test.

425. the upcoming blitz of birthdays in our family.

426. meal planning and the headache of "what's for dinner" that it eases.

427. the hope of His return and wrong things being made right.

428. naptime.

429. my flax seed heatable wrap to ease back pain.

430. my cute uriah who is going to sing "somewhere out there" with his cousin in his school talent show... mouse ears and all.


i am linked up at a holy experience. i would love to hear from you in the comments below!

charis

my dad's blog

i am filled with an awareness of the presence of God.  my heart feels warm and overwhelms the thoughts and worries of my head.  i am so thankful that God is good all the time.  Even when i struggle to see clearly i can always look back over my life and see the evidence of His goodness all over my life. 

my dad just started blogging.  it is really good.  he is both an very well educated professor, with a background in counseling, and a man of God who set a great foundation for me by his honesty, tenacity, and example in the faith.  (he is an amazing dad all around!)  he is an amazing writer.  he is the one who would edit all of my papers growing up and help me develop my own writing style.  he is full of wisdom and really a thinker who has a lot to share. 

i have told him for the past couple years i really think he should be writing because others should be able to benefit from what he has to share which i have benefited from all my life.  i want him to eventually write a book, but for now he started blogging and that makes me happy.  i encourage everyone to check his blog out.  i just read his recent entry on the peace that passes understanding.  there is no way i could write better on this subject.  take a couple minutes and go read it and let me know what you think.  i trust you be encouraged as well.  click here on furtherupfurtherin.com

happy november!

charis