God wants to wow you

please let me share this testimony with you of how God wowed me. may this testimony be a prophecy into your life.

it was monday evening, on the 7th of this month, that i was sitting on the couch thinking about the impossibilities that lay before us. on the thursday night before our oven completely died in the middle of baking a loaf of bread for dinner. our glass top on the stove was already broken a year ago to the tune of $200 to replace ourselves (with one burner completely out of commission), and as we looked into the problem with the oven we discovered the part to fix it was $170 by itself.

almost $400 to fix an oven ourselves - you can buy a new oven for that amount.

...and in a month that was going to be a miracle to get through financially without the extra burden.

we live as missionaries in california (in my hometown even) and january is often an extremely low month of support as people are coming off of the expensive holidays and heading into tax season. somehow january always holds more of the once a year expenses for our family than other months. somehow God always comes through, but it is never without adventure.

as i talked to my mom on the phone on saturday afternoon, less than 48hours after the oven broke, i heard myself say out loud how we would look back on this time someday and be amazed at how God came through for us once again.

looking back, it sounds like i had great faith. i don't think it was as much great faith as it was the past 4 years of living on missionary support to do what God has clearly set before us (in one of the most expensive places in the world to live), we have built a history of seeing God provide for us in spite of our weak faith.

we have 5 kids... 5 little boys who like to eat a lot of food! we live on a whole foods diet, which means i make 98% of the food that we eat and in the winter most of that is in our oven. i knew that we had no means to replace or fix our oven, but i knew that God would make sure our kids ate even if it meant i was about to get really creative in my meal planning.

so on monday night, january 7th at 9:50pm i typed on my one thousand gifts app on my phone:

God is about to wow us.

little did i know that at that very moment He was dropping His plan to wow us into the heart of a friend.

i found out later that at 10:20pm on the very same monday night a friend, not even a super close friend but a sister of a close friend who is a reader of this blog and who i have been getting to know better over facebook, heard of our need and had a God idea. she decided to set up a facebook event to secretly let a bunch of our friends and family know what had happened to our oven and ask them to join her in surprising us with the money to buy a new oven.  these are the words she wrote out on the facebook "event" to bless our family:

Bill & Charis are in need of a oven because theirs just died and it costs $400 to fix, so let's bless them with a brand new one!

They run the prayer watch house here in Redding,Ca and are on missionary support. They have 5 beautiful boys.

We want to keep it a surprise until we give them the money for them to pick out the oven.
The goal is $600 (most oven runs $400 plus taxes etc.) If we end up going over $600, they will have more option to pick a nice one or use the extra money toward anything that they need.

If you are in, I will setup a PayPal or you could write check (mail or meet up) and when we reach $600 or more I will have someone or maybe me hand the money to them.

If we can get 30 people or more to give $20.. Or $5,$10 $15 is fine...or pray for them will be a huge blessing.

If you know anyone that works in the appliance department that can give discount or give a great deal on a electric oven ...please let us know! :)

Thanks! Pass on the Blessings!!!

Remember this is a surprise!

reading these words bring tears to my eyes. oh, a huge surprise it ended up being!

in less than 24 hours they raised the $600... in less that 48 they had well over the amount and still had others who said they had money to get to us.

at this point over $1000 has been given to us as a direct result of this friend asking those who love us to help out.

i am shocked and awed by the mercy and goodness of God.

i will let you watch the video my sister-in-law took while she and my friend michele, who organized the whole gift, hand delivered an envelop of cash and a card listing so so many friends and family, with some anonymous givers thrown in there as well, who gave to our family in our time of need. it is a bit embarrassing to me, in the most God way, but i want to show you and share with you to encourage you in whatever you are going through.

God wants to wow you. He wants to show you His provision is not up to you in any way. His goodness is not up to you. He sends rain to the just and the unjust alike. it isn't up to you to muster up a big faith. a small faith in the One who is Faithful is enough. He wants to kiss you with His kindness just like He kissed me just 11 days ago.

in one of the hardest times of my life, in a time that i have been crying out for God to make Himself really really real to me, He used those around me to answer my cry - a cry that wasn't even about money or provision. my cry was to know Him.

in the time of my weak faith, He is faithful once again to make Himself known.

if He could do it for me, He can do it for you.

we ended up getting both an oven and a new dishwasher for $600 - the amount they originally set out to raise. God is so good. even when you don't see how it is going to work, His ways are beyond what we can see.

still counting gifts to 1000...

825 - 847:


825. the opportunity to bless others with what we have been given by Him.

826. stove popped corn in coconut oil, butter, real salt, and nutritional yeast.

827. the sweetness of a sleeping baby in my arms.  gets me every time.

828. the way giving thanks changes me.

829. letting go.

830. being crushed by the One who has my ultimate best in mind.

831. oat groats and backyard eggs - breakfast perfection.

832. mermaid colored nails.

833. soccer practices and soccer games and being a soccer mama.

834. tuesday bringing a box of new fresh yummy produce every week.

835. one day at a time.

836. God is good - all. the. time.

837. prophetic song - the Holy Spirit melting my hardened heart through the song of another believer.

838. 85% cacao dark chocolate.

839. new pair of toms.

840. gelato date with my oldest boy.

841. hearing his honest assessment of what he likes about me and what i need to work on.

842. staying up a bit late to try to write.

843. freshly mopped kitchen floor.

844. creative meals.

845. God is about to wow us.

846. and He did. and still does.

847. His faithfulness does not depend on the size of my faith.


i am linked up at a holy experience.



if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  you can also follow this blog or subscribe in a reader.  i would love to keep in better touch with you! 

please leave a link to your list of gifts in the comments and i will come visit your blog as well!  i love to give thanks together.


charis

still waters

in whirlwind days like today, i am reminded to slow down!  it doesn't mean i can necessarily stop the activity before me and all around me, but i do want to choose thankfulness instead of dread and stress about what lies ahead. 

this river, the river i live by, always seems to remind me of peace and stillness.

be still and know i am God. psalm 46:10

some translations say cease striving.  wow, is that ever talking to me when things get busy.  have you found yourself striving lately with all that must be done like me?

somehow there is a way to be still while still being active... while still moving and going somewhere, but keeping the peace that is a fruit of a life anchored in trusting God.

so i am asking tonight,

Lord, You be my Good Shepherd.

                            make me lacking in nothing.

                                                         teach me to rest in green pastures.

                                                                            lead me beside the still waters.

restore my weary soul.

                  guide me in Your paths of righteous for the sake of Your name.

    and when i walk through a valley that has the threat of death
                                                                           
                                                                               help me not be afraid.
                 
                                                                                           Lord, be with me.

guide me with Your discipline.

                comfort me with Your leadership.

                       prepare a feast for me in the presence of those who hate me.

anoint me with Your oil.

                           make my cup overflowing.

             may Your goodness,
                    
                        may Your lovingkindness,
                                     
                                     Your faithfulness,
                                              
                                             follow me for all the days You have set before me

      so i may dwell with You forever in the place where You dwell.

                                                                                                           amen.


still counting gifts to 1000...

410 - 430:

410. Jesus' words, "so do not be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows."

411. that with God, all things are possible.

412. warmth on a cold day.

413. unexpected provision... yet again, at exactly the right timing.

414. that the glucose test is now behind me... hoping for a good report.

415. reignited love for favorite old hymns.

416. the hope in the old hymns anchored in when we finally see Jesus face to face and not in the present time we live in.

417. a helpful husband when i have had so much to do and so little energy to do it.

418. a meal in the freezer to pull out for a no hassle dinner.

419. much needed rain that is falling.

420. teething tablets for the little guy who has been cutting 8 teeth nonstop for about a month now.

421. newman's peppermints.

422. sunshine break in the middle of rainy days.

423. grace to do what needs to be done.

424. a good report on my glucose tolerance test.

425. the upcoming blitz of birthdays in our family.

426. meal planning and the headache of "what's for dinner" that it eases.

427. the hope of His return and wrong things being made right.

428. naptime.

429. my flax seed heatable wrap to ease back pain.

430. my cute uriah who is going to sing "somewhere out there" with his cousin in his school talent show... mouse ears and all.


i am linked up at a holy experience. i would love to hear from you in the comments below!

charis

my top 10 posts of 2011

well, i have seen this around the web and decided to do my own top ten posts of 2011.  it was hard to narrow it down and pick which posts that impacted me the most while writing them or rereading them later, but these are some of my favorites (and some ended up being your favorites too!).

the Lord has made me happy - probably the most personal post i have written this far... written with lots of tears and i hope it ministers to you.

there must be more than this -thoughts i had on the day of the Lord - standing before Jesus and giving an account for the state of my own heart.  sounds heavy, but hopefully it is encouraging to you to not give up on the pursuit of a fully vibrant heart.

proverbs:  how to become a fool - in my one year bible reading challenge i decide to write the "what not to do's" of proverbs. 

ten things to remember when studying the book of isaiah - this is part 3 of a three part series on the book of isaiah that gives the most important 10 things to keep in mind when you go to read the popular book of isaiah.  if you like this one, i recommend also reading the first two parts which go into more detail on why i started studying isaiah and what i found when i started digging in.

how to grow in a life of prayer - this is what we do with our lives as intercessory missionaries - grow in prayer in our own lives and help others grow as well.  these tips are a good place to start if you are frustrated or at a standstill in your own prayer life.

28 random things about bill - turns out you all are as nosy as i am (and i mean this as a high compliment) and this is one of my top read posts ever.  here is a sneak peak into who the man i married almost 10 years ago really is and why i like him.

the rooster formally known as susan -or- letting go of false expectations - who knew that having chickens would teach me such deep life lessons? 

you do not have to get divorced - this has been my number one google searched post and someone recently let me know it was on the first page of google if you searched the word divorce.  wow.  i feel like it is a timely exhortation the Lord gave me to share and, though i know it is controversial, i believe it is worth your time to read and think about whether you are married, have been married, or may never get married.

you cannot have it all - this is the reality of life.  the world tries to tell us we can do it all and have it all, but real life is about choices.  what do you choose to have?

how to find true joy - most of this post is just me quoting one of the most inspirational and convicting stories i have heard.  i want joy, how about you?

dear simeon - this is a letter i wrote to my youngest son on his 1st birthday. i actually have posted about each of my kids on their birthdays this year (my oldest is above in the Lord has made me happy) and the other two are a whole handful and 1.2.3.4.

when the curse is reversed - this pregnancy has given me vision for the day when the curse really is totally broken.  can't wait for that day!

how to deal with money with faith instead of fear - a little bit of our story of living on full time missionary support in california with a family of 6 (soon to be 7)!

the great adventure - i was just having fun with this one but it really spoke to me after i wrote it - don't you love when God speaks to you through you? crazy, isn't it!

12 tips for saving money on good food - this was a reader requested post.  i hope it helps you if you are trying to save money on your groceries like us.  please add your tips in the comments because it is far from all inclusive.


okay, so there aren't just 10, but since when have i been a good list maker or brief for that matter?

thanks for being such great readers and for all your comments and feedback - it means a lot to me!

have a wonderful end of 2011 and remember that we all have something to share that will encourage someone else on this journey of knowing God.

charis

how to deal with money with faith instead of fear

part of sharing my journey and the things i learn and experience is sharing tidbits of how we live on a missionary's income (living on financial support of those who feel called to partner with us in building a house of prayer here in our region) with a large and growing family right here in california.

one thing i will say is i don't know how we could do it if we had debt. we are so blessed to be free of consumer debt and also free of the monthly burden of car loans. we have our mortgage and a 2nd on our house, our regular utilities and costs of living, gasoline expenses, food expenses, and the tuition for our kids' schooling. that is the basics of what we need - no credit card payments, no car loans or leases, no student loans, no medical debt we are trying to pay off... we are very blessed to be freed up to live simply and pursue what God has before us without the extra burden that so many people live with. we lived with debt in the past because of various choices we made, so we know how extremely blessed we are to be free of all this and how much hard work and restraint it takes to dig out of it! one plug that i would shamelessly make is for dave ramsey and his books about finances- i am one of many people i know who have benefited from his counter-culture take on money and belief that it is possible to live without debt.

even with having fairly moderate expenses for a large family of 6, soon to be 7, i find that i, the one who does most of the regular finances though my husband is fully involved in the non-regular bigger decisions, have to continually be creative with money and budgeting and spend a lot of time in prayer to have a heart full of faith when it comes to money instead of a heart full of fear. i am no where near "arriving" in this pursuit of approaching money in faith, but i have found a couple keys that help me keep my heart in check and redirecting my eyes to my Provider instead of the black and white numbers in the check register.

5 keys to approaching finances with faith instead of fear:

1. pray, pray, and then pray some more!
 
really, this sounds so basic, but it can be so hard to stop and pray when you want to dive right in and make something work in the numbers.  i am learning how to approach Father God as my Provider who really does care and know my needs and simply ask Him to provide when the dollars and cents simply don't make sense.  when something unexpected comes up or we haven't had enough support money come in to just make the simplest bottom line, i go to my husband and we pray together, asking the Lord specifically to provide for our needs.

often we involve our kids in praying for finances.  at first i was hesitant to do this because the last thing i wanted was to cause them to worry about adult problems and feel insecure or afraid because of money.  what i learned is this:  if we can approach our need and our petition to God full of faith and give my kids the opportunity to partner with us in prayer for specific measurable needs, we give them the opportunity to build a history of trusting God and seeing answers to prayer. it is like filling a "bank account," so to say, of faith in the God who cares about them that they can draw from when they are grown and facing their own issues.  if i simply keep these prayer times private between my husband and i, i actually rob my kids of an opportunity to see God come through and praise Him for His faithfulness.

i want to stress one point of this though - if i don't have enough faith in the middle of a particular circumstance, i do try to spend time with the Lord in worship, prayer, and the word building that faith before i come before my children for them to partner with us.  i want them to see their parents live the life of faith we are calling them to. while i think it is great for them to know that we struggle at times just like they do, we also need to show them with our lives how to live when things aren't going perfect around us. children learn more from watching how we approach God and live out faith than just from the things we say and teach them alone.

one of the best moments as a parent i have had is getting to tell my kids when God has answered their prayers.  i love telling them when unexpected money shows up or God provides a way to do something that there is no logical way we should have been able to do.  i love the confidence they respond with - the child-like faith that says, "i know, we prayed about it right?"  sharing victories in faith with my children is priceless and stirs me to believe more and more in my own walk with Him.

i wrote in the past about some of my journey in praying for God's provision for finances in the post He told us to ask.


2. read the sermon on the mount

the sermon on the mount is found in matthew chapters 5-7.  i find there is so much in this 3 chapter passage of the Bible and i often hear it called christianity 101.  in this sermon, Jesus laid out what a life of following Him looked like, and actually talked a lot about money.  i find that if i am about to tackle the finances on a monday (my typical day to work on money) and feel the flutter of fear in my heart i pull out my Bible. if i will turn aside for just a few minutes to read the sermon on the mount and pray into any part that stirs my heart, i will be so much more productive when i dive in on paying bills, balancing the checkbook, or whatever financial thing i am working on.  i like to think of the sermon on the mount as my secret weapon against fear.  take it and make it your own!

3. take time to worship God

worshiping the Lord is crucial for me.  i like to sit at my piano and play a favorite worship song and sing to the Lord.  sometimes this turns into singing out of a passage in the Bible that is touching my heart or singing my prayers and the things weighing heavy on me out to Him.  always, and i am pretty confident in saying always, i walk away from even the shortest time in worship changed.  there is something about adoring the Lord in the midst of fear, frustration, and hard life circumstances that not only brings Him so much pleasure and glory, but strengthens the heart to believe.  if you are not a musician, it is okay!  you can crank up your favorite worship cd or turn on the ihop prayer room web stream and sing and worship with one of their sets (they have worship steaming 24/7 and archives you can listen to).  you can open up your own Bible and sing a passage - i always recommend starting with something like a psalm first since they were written to be sung anyways.  you can sing your prayers to a simple melody of a song you already know.  if you think you have a bad voice and don't want anyone to hear, go into a room and shut the door or sing in the shower - i think everyone sounds better in the shower! the point is to worship. worshiping before the circumstances change is such a beautiful gift to bring God.

4. give sacrificially

this seems crazy and sometimes feels crazy when money is already tight! logically it makes sense to wait until there is extra cash before giving. the truth of the matter is, the way we live with little is exactly how we will live with much. if we are generous when we have little, we will be generous when we have much. if we are stingy and fearful when we have little, we will still struggle with being stingy and fearful when we have much. very few people are actually in the place financially that they feel free of need regardless of pay raises or lowered expenses.

it is always a choice we have to make to live with an open hand and not a closed fist.  i have found that when my hand is open, it is easier for the Lord to fill it.  when my fist is tightly shut, i tend to strive to be my own provider and fail to look to Him for the answer.  only the Lord can show you where to give and how much to give, so i would say ask Him!  He is so faithful to provide when we partner our hearts with Him and live generously like He is towards us. 

we tithe, and i know this is something people go back and forth on whether it is still required for  new testament believers or if it was strictly a jewish thing. well, regardless of if it is required by the Lord, we choose to give 10% first and trust Him to stretch our 90% to pay what needs to be paid. when i speak of giving sacrificially, i am always speaking of above and beyond the basic 10%. i can tell you that it will rarely make financial sense on paper to tithe, but somehow it does work out. God honors our heart posture and the practical practice of making Him our Provider and giving this as thanks for all He does. 


5. cultivate a thankful heart

 being thankful is something i am always working on. we play a thankful game with our kids in the car. we try to always give thanks to God before we come before Him in prayer with a need. we try to text, email, or write a quick note of thanks to our financial partners or those who give special financial gifts every time they give. we don't want to ever take for granted all the ways God provides and sustains our lives. i work on recognizing beyond the financial because simply growing in giving thanks strengthens the faith muscle in my heart. i think sometimes of the 10 lepers that Jesus healed and the one that came back to thank Him - i want to be one who comes back to give Him thanks.

so the fall leaves have nothing to do with finances, but they sure catch my eye these days!

these are just some practical tools that help keep my heart aligned as i learn how to live this wild adventure of living by faith financially and in every area of my life. even if you don't live on a missionary support style income, all of these 5 tools can apply to your circumstances right now. this list is definitely not all inclusive, so i welcome below in the comments ideas of how you keep your heart aligned when you approach finances.

this is a marathon and not a sprint - we all will trip up and give into fear at some point, but the point is to get back up and chose to keep going and keep trusting and keep growing in faith. if there is one thing i have learned over the past 3 years of living on missionary support it is this: His faithfulness does not depend on my level of faith - He provides because of who He is. i just get the chance to celebrate and partner with Him when i turn my heart towards Him and believe. He provides for the just and the unjust alike, so it isn't up to us - He is who He is because that is who He is. what a safe place to trust and come and ask and believe!

what is one way you deal with your heart when it comes to finances? how do you keep yourself walking in faith instead of fear? what do you do to overcome fear when you find you have given in?

watch for an upcoming post on practical ways i feed a family of 6, almost 7, on a tight missionary budget and manage to eat healthy whole foods, many organic - with california food prices! i am excited to share this part of our journey with you.

charis

only enough time to be thankful

photo by myriah grubbs

i have so much on my mind and heart to write about and i just haven't had the time i would like to sit down and get it all down here to share with you all.  hopefully this means some really good blog posts are coming up as soon as i get some decent time to work through the thoughts in this brain.

for now, i am simply going to share the things i am thankful for as i continue to count the graces He has given me in my life - some small, some huge, and some disguised as hardship.  sharing this list every monday has impacted my heart so much!  the opportunity to stop and recognize His constant activity in my life is worth more than gold.

291 - 316 :

291. the free t-ball league the boys are playing in this summer.

292. connecting time with some of our partners over coffee and desserts.

293. discovering the tomato worms so i could rescue the remaining tomatoes they haven't already destroyed.

294. feeding the gross worms to my chickens.

295. fun 1st birthday party!

296. watching simeon take his sweet first steps and grow in confidence each time he tries.

297. the opportunity to be a faithful witness of the cross.

298. the encouragement of the Lord to my heart during worship this morning, "will you be a picture of my forgiving love in the midst of mistreatment?"  the honor (and struggle) of living like Jesus.

299. fresh produce during the summer.

300. connecting with an out of town friend i haven't seen for a year and a half.

301. my cozy little home and rowdy big family that fills it.

302. swimming on scorching hot days.

303. the weekly opportunity to partner my heart with the Lord's in praying for israel at our friday night house of prayer set devoted to praying for their salvation.

304. being almost done with my Bible reading challenge!  i can't believe i have almost finished and i didn't quit!

305. my family God has blessed me with on both sides.

306. memorizing the Word with my kids - through the 1st 3 psalms and about to start the 4th!

307. fresh picked blackberries.

308. fresh fruit smoothies for lunch.

309. the faithfulness of His tenderness to my heart when i turn to Him.

310. the courage to speak the truth in love when i would rather allow the fear of man to silence His urgings.

311. real joy.

312. a husband who still pursues my heart, after almost 10 years of marriage and 11 years of knowing each other.

313. letting go of the things i thought i needed to be happy.

314. the Lord correcting me through the words of my son.

315. the Lord coming through at the 11th hour once again.

316. the challenges of living on support as intercessory missionaries with a large family - opportunity to see God move on our behalf.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

 i welcome your sharing of His gifts in your life this week in the comments below. 

charis

it's the simple things

it is often the simple things in life that we enjoy most if we can pause long enough to really see. 

the days in the park when it is blazing hot, but the shade of the trees and the warm breeze makes it tolerable to enjoy the blue sky and long afternoon.

a simple game of catch.  teaching the young ones the skills of throwing and catching.  watching their amazement when daddy throws the ball high in the air and it lands in his mitt.  remembering your own amazement not too terribly long ago when your daddy showed off the same trick.

watching them eat their first foods fresh and full of summer sweetness and refreshment. laughing that the rind of the melon serves as a teething toy as well as entertainment for this little one who will be running around the green fields with his brothers and daddy all too soon.  slow down baby boy, slow down.

holding back from kissing the freckled nose of the little boy who was the baby so very recently, but who will not allow you to call him baby.  david, call me just david, he insists.  knowing the melon dripping down his shirt will take some time to clean but enjoying watching him enjoy the small pleasures in summer somehow makes the laundry work to come tolerable.

gazing at the green eyes that are the only one of the 4 sets that match your own.  as much as you love the others being blue like their daddy's, there is something about seeing a bit of yourself in your little ones that makes the heart swell and eyes stare. amazement at how God designed each feature drawing from both mommy and daddy to make a unique mix in every child.

wishing this little one would slow down just a little bit, yet thanking God for every moment that you are privileged to watch him grow up.  careful to not take the moment for granted, knowing that it is a treasure that will soon fly by, fleeting as the wind, and leave you with only the warm memories of grace gifts He chose to bestow in kindness on your life. 

reminding myself of all He has given.  sometimes speaking to myself, reminding myself, is the greatest gift i can give myself.

life is so full of grace.  each moment, 

if we can see it - if i can see it, 

is full of grace.

251 - 274:

251. that God holds us in the palm of His hand - our lives are literally sustained by Him.

252. the countless number of people praying for and giving to our dear friends and baby audrey.

253. every answered prayer, no matter how small or how large they may seem... every answer is such grace from Him.

254. my four wonderful, beautiful, amazing, strong little men - God has richly blessed me.

255. chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream.  s'mores ice cream.  okay, anything with chocolate in it. it isn't so much the ice cream as the chocolate.

256. bike rides in the park with my favorite 5 men in the whole world.

257. the chickens that keep trying to eat my garden.

258. roadside strawberry stands selling the sweetest berries for amazing prices.

259. a bag full of local berries in the freezer ready for smoothies.

260. tomatoes growing on the tomato plants... hope of what is to come.

261. the promise that He works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

262. the Holy Spirit who will never leave us... He promised He would not leave us as orphans.

263. a bbq at the lake with our house of prayer community filled with fellowship, good food, and prayer.

264. a group of people who are devoted to prayer, a group of persistent widows, to walk through the hard times of life with knowing they actually will pray.

265. He will one day bring justice once and for all.

266. we get to taste of His justice to come now in measure and the longing it stirs within me for the day of His coming.

267. the honor of living the life i do and getting to do what i do.  how am i counted worthy to waste my life on Him?

268. so so many new clothes, that fit!, after a shopping trip with my sisters and mom to forever 21 sponsored by my family's generous birthday money gifts.

269. relaxing lunch, great coffee, and pastries all from my mom on our girls' afternoon getaway.

270. warm summer nights.

271. the beautiful place i get to call home... so often when looking at the mountains, river, lakes, or just enjoying the warm summer nights i am known to say, now this is why i live in here.

272. fireworks.

273. amazing grass-fed local steaks from the cow we went in on with friends.

274. swimming in cool water on a hot day.


i am linked up at a holy experience.

i would love to hear the grace in your life that you have eyes to see... it opens our eyes to see the grace He has give us in our own lives.

charis

you cannot have it all

photo credit

i cannot do it all.  i cannot have it all.

                                                               whatever is this all anyways??

some days it feels as if i cannot even do anything. 

someone asked a while back how i get everything done.  how, might you ask, do i balance being a mom of four boys, teach piano lessons, cook wholesome meals, be involved in a house of prayer ministry, maintain a house, pursue creative outlets, lead worship, have friends, pursue a relationship with God,  cultivate a healthy marriage, and on and on and on?  well, the simple answer is that i don't.

i am always coming up short.

i know a blog can look like someone has it all together and can juggle all the balls of life without ever having one fall.  the reality for me is that some days i don't only drop one of the balls, but they all come crashing down on the floor.

i have one big fat to do list that never gets checked off.  i push items from today back to tomorrow... and then the next day... and the next.  

just like everyone else, i am a broken human being who has big desires to become something, to do something worthwhile with my life, to accomplish this list of to dos.  just like everyone else, i fall short so many times in so many areas. 

my husband was telling me last night, really all human beings are the same. there is comfort for me in this: you and i, sitting possibly on opposite sides of the planet, are really more alike than we realize.  we can relate.  we have hopes and dreams.  we have weaknesses and failures.  there is no one who is that image we try to live up to that does it all and has it all.

that person just doesn't really exist.

you cannot have it all.

you cannot do it all.

but you can do what is before you and you can have what is in reach.  

for me, right now, it is a fussy baby pulling at me as i try to type out this blog post.  

this fussy baby.

photo by myriah grubbs

and yet, there are things that will not get done as i choose him over choosing my all important to do list.

for me, being in full time ministry, sometimes i have to choose between my involvement level in ministry and the needs of my family.  i cannot do it all.  but this means in all practicality that there are things that will not get done.  

i would love to write more on the topic of balancing family and ministry (or whatever work or activity has been put before you).  i have written before about the tension between balancing life and finding time with God.   but for now i will just leave you with the encouragement that you are not alone if you are feeling like you aren't measuring up.

we are all the same.  there are no super humans.  

we are broken and weak...

                                            yet sincere and beautiful.

a wise man once called it dark yet lovely...

charis

from where you came

sometimes you can really only understand who you are when you see from where you came.

you visit an area and it just feels like home.  you could see yourself happy living there all the days of your life... and you realize that for generations before your people did live there.  there on the land.  there in harmony with the nature around them.  there before the gold rush brought all the pioneers to change the simple way of life into something a lot less simple.

a longing for the simple times stirs within.  wide open spaces.  a place to let 4 little boys run free and far and not worry about who they may meet or what car may not see them.  entertained for countless hours by the very creation of the Creator.

weren't we made to enjoy all that He made?

sleeping to the sounds of rushing water.

swimming in the swimming hole in the heat of the summer. 

having a place to bury those you love close to home, right at home, where they are always near though you know they are no longer there.

i think i found a piece of myself when my family and i went to see the property where my great great grandma, the great great great grandma of my children, a woman i never met, lived.  back to my roots.  a place i had never before seen with my eyes but felt like i was coming back to where i belonged.

the native blood runs deep though the pale skin, light eyes, and blond hair speak louder.

and something about knowing where i come from, finding just one more piece of the puzzle that makes up me and the way i see the world brings safety.  stability.  history.

generations i have never known have shaped me and influenced who i am.  and i wonder what they would think of the generations that follow.  though our lives look different at first glance, are we really all that different than from where we came?

the beauty of His creation leaves me in wonder and awe.  the thought that my family lived on this land makes me long to live here too. 

this is my country - the home of my people.

counting gifts...

200 - 222:

200. a photoshoot for simeon with the amazing myriah grubbs.

201. fresh eggs from the back yard.

202. the last week of school festivities.

203. uriah's pre-k graduation.  is it possible my mama's boy is growing up so fast?

204. spending time at the watch.  the house of prayer fills my soul.

205. encountering the Holy Spirit in reading the book of matthew.  a fresh revelation of Jesus my Messiah.

206. the brother-in-law who makes me a white mocha every time i am at his house.  every time.  and i don't even have to ask.

207. going to the property my great great grandma used to own and experiencing family history.  connecting with my roots.

208. realizing so much of who i am comes from who i have come from.

209. freshly swept wood floors.

210. watching swim lessons in the misty rain knowing that sunny days are coming.

211. sunny days are coming!

212. contact lenses in my eyes so i can actually see again after having to wear only my glasses for the past week and a half.

213. an unexpected cash gift at just the right time.

214. a night out with the girls and laughing and laughing and laughing.

215. homemade bean burritos.

216. summer with my kids home!!

217. the amazing response in the comments of my lastest blog post about divorce.  the willingness of readers to be vulnerable and let us all learn and grow from each others experiences and battles.

218. laughing til tears are running down my face.

219. the privilege to raise 4 boys who will be mighty men.

220. learning how to balance all the plates of life and the grace to pick them up when they come crashing down.

221. beautiful northern california.  i am so blessed to live where i do.  i am often in awe of the beauty that God created all around me.

222. fresh homemade strawberry pie at grandma's house when any family member comes in town to visit.  thank you grandma and thank you visiting family!

i am linked up at a holy experience.

what beauty is around you?

charis

simple woman's daybook 4.6.11

 

for today:

outside my window... it is another beautiful spring day.  not too hot.  not too cold.  i wish weather like this lasted around here.

i am thinking... about a series of posts i am working on about how to study the book of isaiah.  i think i will post the first of the three part series later this week!  be looking for it.

i am thankful... for the colors of spring popping up all over!  i love the beauty of flowers!  too bad they make me sniffle.  they add so much life to everywhere i look.

remembering... that everything will get done in time.  i need to be patient with myself and with others.  there isn't a rush to life.  when i rush, i miss enjoying the process and the journey.   

from the learning rooms... i am learning how to knit in the round on circular needles.  it is taking me forever,  but it is looking so good!  i love learning!

from the kitchen... i am making homemade peanut butter as we speak!  easy recipe: salted roasted peanuts in a food processor... and there you have it!  peanut butter.
 

i am wearing... jean shorts, brown leather sandles, a grey t-shirt with a vintage gold and grey sweater on top.  how is that for california dressing?!

i am creating... my first knit hat on circular needles.  i will try to post a picture when i finish.  it may end up on my etsy store or maybe it will be a gift.  we will see...

i am going... on a date with the love of my life tonight!  where or what?  i have no idea, but i will have good company.

i am reading... just finished the book of isaiah in my Bible reading challenge.  as i said, i am working on a 3 part series of blog posts about the book of isaiah!  you will not want to miss them.

i am hoping... the nice weather stays.

 

i am hearing... my middle two sons singing worship songs to Jesus in the other room at the top of their lungs.  what could bring a smile to my face faster than hearing them sing to their Savior?!

around the house... we are working, working, working on the backyard demo.  and by we, i mean bill.  not me.  did i mention that now we have more room he talked me into getting chickens? um, yeah.  now i am researching raising backyard chickens like a mad woman.  we will be our own little supermarket before long... garden, check. chickens, check.  what next?  

  
one of my favorite things... mangos.  i believe they are sweet nectar from heaven.

pondering... what does it mean to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ?  why would the apostle paul pray this for those who already believed?  i don't really get it, so i ponder and ask the Holy Spirit to teach me.

a few plans for the rest of the week: date night, back yard demo, soccer, night and day prayer sunday school... and of course hanging with the 4 coolest boys in the world.

picture for the day:

peanut butter in process as i type away on this blog post.

peanut butter finished!  whew, that was easy!

here is where i am linked up for the simple woman's daybook.  

charis

it's all about perspective

another monday morning.  another week beginning.  how to i approach new beginnings? 

           with dread and anxiety? 

                        or full of expectation and an awareness of God's activity?

i hear the sounds of my boys playing in their room as i hold the youngest one waiting for his heavy eyelids to surrender to sweet slumber.  i feel a stirring inside to connect with the One who gave me life and breath.  will i have the chance to steal away?

i look forward to my time in the shower.  hot water is soothing, but even more so are the moments of connecting with the Lord uninterrupted.  i anticipate the chance to pour out my love on Him and focus my attention before the demands of being a mom consume me and another day slips by without my heart being aligned with His.  the tasks ahead of me are the same; my perspective doesn't have to be.

whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. amen. 
                                                                                   1 peter 4:11

this is the life of a christian mom.  whoever speaks... whoever serves...   fresh perspective!  may all i put my hand to be for the glory of the One who gives me life, hope, and joy.

 

i continue counting blessings. how much slips by unnoticed when my eyes are not open to see the gifts He showers all around me all the time.  i open my eyes once again and thanksgiving brings forth praise and expectation.

49-71:

49. a bigger backyard after the structure demo.

50. running water.  twice within 48 hours we have had the water main shut off for 4-6 hours due to burst pipes during the demo in the backyard.

51. brothers that would come help my husband fix the pipes even in the dark.

52. new fun recipes that the kids love such as chicken paprikash.

53. surprise $ in our missionary check this month from a loved one right when we needed it.

54. the Holy Spirit reminding my heart to stop striving and be still.

55. homemade yogurt topped with homemade granola.

56. the baby saying mama when he cries and the privilege to be the one who comforts him.

57. provision to pay for asher's filling he needed this week.

58. sitting in the dentist office reading the book of isaiah on my phone and meditating on the faithfulness of God while asher's teeth were being filled right next to me.

59. email alerts of new comments on my blog.

60. the opportunity to be bad at something so i can learn something new.

61. brothers and sisters that i choose to be my closest friends.

62. toys on the floor showing our house is a home that is lived in.

63. the change of seasons.

64. reading a blog of an old friend that encourages me that my assignment to raise 4 boys to love the Lord is of highest importance and to not grow faint.

65. the color yellow.

66. the timely blessings of friends.

67. sitting on the chocolate brown leather couch surrounded by my 4 little men feeling like the richest woman in the world.

68. pizza sundays at my parents' house.

69. gathering with other families at homegroup and worshiping and studying the Word with our children.

70. the adventure of learning to live by faith.

71. being a missionary in my hometown.



won't you go to a holy experience to link up and join in if you too are a blogger?  let me know in a comment below that you are taking part and i will visit your blog.

what are you thankful for today?

charis

a late thanks

i am getting this up a bit late this week - i had a surprise visit from a stomach bug on sunday.  sunday is the night i usually write this post as a reflection on my week.  as i lay on my couch with motrin, a puke bowl next to me, and an achy feverish body, my kids were at my parents' house.  i guess my oldest made a surprise announcement that i had a baby in my belly to be funny.  i started getting inquiries and congrats over ichat which baffled me.  congrats for feeling miserable?! 

when i later asked him why he decided to trick them all, he said he thought it was funny.  he also said if i just started having a few contractions i could have been having a baby.  my funny 7 year old - if only have a baby were so simple.

no announcement.  feeling much better in these parts and no baby anytime soon.  we are good with 4 boys right now - they keep us plenty busy!

my thankful list for this past week

35-48:

35. hot showers.

36. juicy hand-picked meyer lemons from my grandma's tree.

37. bright yellow daffodils peeking up announcing the arrival of spring, though the weather does not seem to agree.

38. on going conversations with my sister via ichat all day long, all week long, all month long... here and there, thoughts, ideas, questions, funny happenings... feels like we are in the same room though under two different rooms.  i have the luxury of talking to her whenever i think of something to say.

39. the green of seedlings peeking up from the dirt... hope for the future.

40. good conversation over dinner with friends.

41. the anticipation and excitement of children over an upcoming "surprise."

42. giggles, shouts, and "i knew it!" when they discover what the surprise was.

43. cuddled on the couch with 4 little boys, reading about the adventures in narnia and remembering being cuddled next to my dad when i was their age listening to him read about the same adventures to me and my siblings.

44. a quiet house on a sick sunday morning because my husband took all the kids to church with him by himself.

45. the sunshine after the storm.

46. getting to eat again after having a stomach bug and it feeling ok inside.

47. nights when time seems to stand still because the little ones wake up so much... 3 out of 4 for probably a cumulative of 20 times.

48. one really good sleeper for a child.

won't you go to a holy experience to link up and join in if you too are a blogger?  let me know in a comment below that you are taking part and i will visit your blog.

if you don't blog, would you leave a comment and let me know a couple things you are thankful for today. 


charis

He is trying to get our attention.

for the past month or so, the Lord has had me on my own personal journey of repentance.  i have had a shaking in my heart... i really do mean a shaking.  i have had my eyes opened to areas of darkness and compromise in my own heart, and tasted of the actual fear of the Lord in a small measure perhaps for the first time in my life.  i am sober.  i am searching the Word of God looking for what He would have me to do.  i have been looking to see what is the consistent message of the Word - both the written and the Word made Flesh who dwelt among us...

repent. 

this is the word that i cannot get away from.  over and over again, whether it was a shaking in the natural or the shaking in the heart of man, the Bible is consist on the fruit all shaking is to produce: repentance.

some would say that our repentance started and ended at the initial salvation experience.  as good as it sounds, the apostles on the 1st church would disagree.  they said to repent.  repent of dead works.  repent of compromise.  repent of lawlessness and love of the world's systems. 

in the book of acts after the outpouring of the Holy Spirit upon the 40 in the upper room, peter says in his famous sermon: 

therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; and that He may send Jesus, the Christ appointed for you, whom heaven must receive until the period of restoration of all things about which God spoke by the mouth of His holy prophets from ancient times. 

i long for Him to return.  i am reminded to put my hope in His coming, not in the present hour.  i ponder what the restoration of all things means.  i consider that He promised to come for a bride who had made herself ready. 

what does it look like to make myself ready?

i look out my window as i type and hail the size of chickpeas falls heavy on my front lawn as both strange and unseasonal weather for the area in which i live.  it has been hailing for the past week, at some point, almost daily.

some may say, global warming. 

others may say, a strange natural phenomenon or weather pattern. 

i can't help but ask myself, over and over again like a thought that just will not go away, "is He trying to get my attention?  is He trying to get our attention?"  

and if He is, what is it that He is trying to say?  the God whose name is Yahweh, Always, who never changes and is consistent from eternity past, to present, to eternity future, has always had the same message for His creation that He loves.

repent.  return to the Lord.  return to Your Maker.   

how long will it take my dull hard heart to get the simple message?

as an intercessory missionary and a part of the house of prayer i believe the promise in 2 chronicles 7:14 to solomon upon the dedication of the temple is for us as His people even today:

...and My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 

i have heard this verse quoted over and over again in isolation.  i have quoted and prayed this verse myself over and over again in isolation.  but the rule of Bible interpretation is in the context.  we forget about the verse before (or that even the Bible wasn't written in chapter and verse) and the 1st half of the very same sentence! why would His people do these things in the first place?

if I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among My people,

He is trying to get our attention. 

i would love to find a way to say that these things are not from God.  it may simply be normalcy bias, (if you aren't familiar with that term, it is fascinating), but just like everyone else, i just wish these things would go away and i could go on with life as usual.  i wish the questions weren't there.   i resist my heart being affected.  for my own heart gets offended at the thought that the One who heals could also be the One who wounds:

the Lord will strike egypt, striking but healing; 
so they will return to the Lord, 
and He will respond to them and will heal them.  
                                                     isaiah 19:22

i am not writing to argue about whether God sends earthquakes or judgments on the earth, if it is the result of sin in the world, or if it is simply a natural phenomenon that God is completely disconnected from.  (or probably several other options and combinations of the above in differing degrees).

however, as much as i search it out, there is not one place in the Word that i can find that says anything but that He consistently takes credit for using nature to get the attention of people - to draw out repentance.

if my people...

humble themselves,

pray,

seek My face,

repent from their wicked ways...


He who is mighty to heal is the One who is calling me to repent.


He is calling us to repent.


for He loves mercy.  He longs to forgive.  He longs to heals.

repentance.

let him who has ears hear what the Spirit is saying to the church.

may my ears be open. 

may my eyes see. 

may my heart not be dull. 

may my spirit not sleep.

because we know You are a God of mercy far greater than our own capacity for mercy, we turn to you - i turn to you - and repent. 

You who never change, You declared Your name to moses (exodus 34) and i take comfort in Your name.

then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, "the Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations."  moses made haste to bow low toward the earth and worship.

i too repent.  i bow low.  i worship Him who alone is Mighty to Save.  He alone is good.  He alone can be trusted.

charis