i cannot do it all. i cannot have it all.
whatever is this all anyways??
some days it feels as if i cannot even do anything.
someone asked a while back how i get everything done. how, might you ask, do i balance being a mom of four boys, teach piano lessons, cook wholesome meals, be involved in a house of prayer ministry, maintain a house, pursue creative outlets, lead worship, have friends, pursue a relationship with God, cultivate a healthy marriage, and on and on and on? well, the simple answer is that i don't.
i am always coming up short.
i know a blog can look like someone has it all together and can juggle all the balls of life without ever having one fall. the reality for me is that some days i don't only drop one of the balls, but they all come crashing down on the floor.
i have one big fat to do list that never gets checked off. i push items from today back to tomorrow... and then the next day... and the next.
just like everyone else, i am a broken human being who has big desires to become something, to do something worthwhile with my life, to accomplish this list of to dos. just like everyone else, i fall short so many times in so many areas.
my husband was telling me last night, really all human beings are the same. there is comfort for me in this: you and i, sitting possibly on opposite sides of the planet, are really more alike than we realize. we can relate. we have hopes and dreams. we have weaknesses and failures. there is no one who is that image we try to live up to that does it all and has it all.
that person just doesn't really exist.
you cannot have it all.
you cannot do it all.
but you can do what is before you and you can have what is in reach.
for me, right now, it is a fussy baby pulling at me as i try to type out this blog post.
this fussy baby.
photo by myriah grubbs
and yet, there are things that will not get done as i choose him over choosing my all important to do list.
for me, being in full time ministry, sometimes i have to choose between my involvement level in ministry and the needs of my family. i cannot do it all. but this means in all practicality that there are things that will not get done.
i would love to write more on the topic of balancing family and ministry (or whatever work or activity has been put before you). i have written before about the tension between balancing life and finding time with God. but for now i will just leave you with the encouragement that you are not alone if you are feeling like you aren't measuring up.
we are all the same. there are no super humans.
we are broken and weak...
yet sincere and beautiful.
a wise man once called it dark yet lovely...