Saturday, July 16, 2011

dear simeon

picture by myriah grubbs (cool to have a photographer for a sister, huh?)
.one year ago today. 

.one month ago.

dear simeon,

i can't believe you are my baby.  it seems like only yesterday that i was crying every morning i woke up because you hadn't come out yet.  you are my only baby who was overdue - only by one day, but when you had a brother 2 weeks early who was 8 pounds 14 ounces and another who was 5 days early and 9 pounds 11 ounces, well... mama was not thrilled that you were content to stay inside so long.  amazing that you ended up being my second smallest baby weighing in at 8 pounds 13 ounces - you surprised even the midwife on that one (i think she was betting on you being the biggest of all!)

my pregnancy with you was very difficult.  i found out i was pregnant with you so early because i was hoping that you were in there and i really wanted to tell my dad that you were coming before he had to have a big surgery.  i was pretty sure i was pregnant with you and still remember your daddy's raised eyebrow when i showed him the extremely faint line on the test 5 days before i was even "late" and said, "i think we are having a baby!"  it meant so much to me to tell my daddy that he was going to be a grandpa again right before such a difficult surgery - baby boy, you were a comfort to me and i think to him as well.  you gave me courage simeon - courage i didn't know i had.

so, in more ways than one, you were my longest pregnancy.  you were my sickest pregnancy too.  that last time i threw up i was 24 weeks - that just isn't right!  once while leading worship the whole room went black and my hearing started to go... i was passing out from really low iron.  that scared your mama (and your daddy) so much!  

your birth story will always be a special one to me.  so much of it did not go as i had hoped or planned.  you would think that all expectations would be out the window with the fourth baby, but of course your mama is a dreamer.  i never thought that labor and delivery with you would confront some of my deepest fears.  it is too much to get into right now baby, but i will let you know that your mama had to be very brave and trust the Lord that He was looking out for me.  

one detail i that was really important to me was that the midwife be there to deliver you.  they told me she was on at 8am... coming in at midnight in full-blown labor i didn't think you would wait that long after your older brother's labor was less than 2 hours from start to finish and they couldn't get ahold of her to come in early (though she did in the morning).  we called some friends and asked them to pray with us that you would wait to be born until 8am.  silly request right?  you may never understand the tears of joy your mama cried when you were born at 8:00am on the dot.   who prays for her labor to slow down and to have to experience pain longer?  your crazy mama, that is who.  

simeon, there is so much i never expected about you.  for one, i thought you were a girl.  i was afraid of being pregnant again, but mama is so glad that you are you and that you are mine.  as hard as my pregnancy was and as challenging of a time it was for me on so many many levels, you were so worth it.  your name means to hear or heard - and God heard me!  He heard me and you are my little testimony that He is the God who hears.

you have this red hair.  (strawberry blond or red?  we will see, won't we!) i did not see that coming!  who in our family even has red hair?  you are one of a kind.

you look just like your big brother asher, and yet just like your daddy to me.  you make me laugh and give me the sweetest cuddles.  you are my first baby to not be hospitalized.  that is a big deal for this little mama right here.  your first sentence at an extremely young age, they wouldn't believe me if i told them, was "i want mama." 

i want you simi.  i want you.

simeon jacob.  you are a fighter.  you are going to be one who perseveres, who wrestles with the Lord until you are changed into another man.  you will be one who hears the word of the Lord and proclaims it with boldness.  just as simeon the righteous was able to live to see Jesus the Messiah born, i really believe you will get to live to see Him return.  i believe you will be a hope giver - you will point people to the hope in Him, a hope so much bigger than this world can offer... life from the dead!  

i love you with all my heart.  i did not know i could love you so much.  sometimes i have wondered how i could ever love anyone as much as your brothers asher, uriah, and david... but then there was you.  i love you so much.  

thank you for filling my life with the blessing of you.  

 mama - (charis)
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