it's the simple things

it is often the simple things in life that we enjoy most if we can pause long enough to really see. 

the days in the park when it is blazing hot, but the shade of the trees and the warm breeze makes it tolerable to enjoy the blue sky and long afternoon.

a simple game of catch.  teaching the young ones the skills of throwing and catching.  watching their amazement when daddy throws the ball high in the air and it lands in his mitt.  remembering your own amazement not too terribly long ago when your daddy showed off the same trick.

watching them eat their first foods fresh and full of summer sweetness and refreshment. laughing that the rind of the melon serves as a teething toy as well as entertainment for this little one who will be running around the green fields with his brothers and daddy all too soon.  slow down baby boy, slow down.

holding back from kissing the freckled nose of the little boy who was the baby so very recently, but who will not allow you to call him baby.  david, call me just david, he insists.  knowing the melon dripping down his shirt will take some time to clean but enjoying watching him enjoy the small pleasures in summer somehow makes the laundry work to come tolerable.

gazing at the green eyes that are the only one of the 4 sets that match your own.  as much as you love the others being blue like their daddy's, there is something about seeing a bit of yourself in your little ones that makes the heart swell and eyes stare. amazement at how God designed each feature drawing from both mommy and daddy to make a unique mix in every child.

wishing this little one would slow down just a little bit, yet thanking God for every moment that you are privileged to watch him grow up.  careful to not take the moment for granted, knowing that it is a treasure that will soon fly by, fleeting as the wind, and leave you with only the warm memories of grace gifts He chose to bestow in kindness on your life. 

reminding myself of all He has given.  sometimes speaking to myself, reminding myself, is the greatest gift i can give myself.

life is so full of grace.  each moment, 

if we can see it - if i can see it, 

is full of grace.

251 - 274:

251. that God holds us in the palm of His hand - our lives are literally sustained by Him.

252. the countless number of people praying for and giving to our dear friends and baby audrey.

253. every answered prayer, no matter how small or how large they may seem... every answer is such grace from Him.

254. my four wonderful, beautiful, amazing, strong little men - God has richly blessed me.

255. chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream.  s'mores ice cream.  okay, anything with chocolate in it. it isn't so much the ice cream as the chocolate.

256. bike rides in the park with my favorite 5 men in the whole world.

257. the chickens that keep trying to eat my garden.

258. roadside strawberry stands selling the sweetest berries for amazing prices.

259. a bag full of local berries in the freezer ready for smoothies.

260. tomatoes growing on the tomato plants... hope of what is to come.

261. the promise that He works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

262. the Holy Spirit who will never leave us... He promised He would not leave us as orphans.

263. a bbq at the lake with our house of prayer community filled with fellowship, good food, and prayer.

264. a group of people who are devoted to prayer, a group of persistent widows, to walk through the hard times of life with knowing they actually will pray.

265. He will one day bring justice once and for all.

266. we get to taste of His justice to come now in measure and the longing it stirs within me for the day of His coming.

267. the honor of living the life i do and getting to do what i do.  how am i counted worthy to waste my life on Him?

268. so so many new clothes, that fit!, after a shopping trip with my sisters and mom to forever 21 sponsored by my family's generous birthday money gifts.

269. relaxing lunch, great coffee, and pastries all from my mom on our girls' afternoon getaway.

270. warm summer nights.

271. the beautiful place i get to call home... so often when looking at the mountains, river, lakes, or just enjoying the warm summer nights i am known to say, now this is why i live in here.

272. fireworks.

273. amazing grass-fed local steaks from the cow we went in on with friends.

274. swimming in cool water on a hot day.


i am linked up at a holy experience.

i would love to hear the grace in your life that you have eyes to see... it opens our eyes to see the grace He has give us in our own lives.

charis

the rooster formally known as susan -or- letting go of false expectations

sometimes life hands you surprises.  you think you signed up for, let's say completely hypothetically,  laying hens.

and yet, as time goes by one of those hens doesn't seem quite right.  you cling to the expectation of what you signed up for, and though all the signs point toward the unexpected you refuse to open your eyes to see.

 

for expectations are powerful.  they give you direction.  purpose.  expectations make the costs worth it.

expectations can be the joy set before you.   

endurance.  vision.  resolve.

and yet, regardless of all expectations, you wake up early one saturday morning to your "hen" announcing she is indeed a rooster.

expectations come crashing down.

now, to be completely fair, i must say we joked for quite a while that little "susan" was indeed a turkey.  she wondered how she ended up living with mere chickens.  get me out of here, she would say, i am meant to live with other turkeys!  oh dear susan, you are not a turkey.  you are not a susan.

you are a rooster.

i believe we approach Jesus the same way we approach everything else in life.  we signed up for a certain expectation, and though He throws us curve balls and indications that He isn't quite who we expected Him to be, we are blinded to see reality because of what it at stake.

we are afraid.
            we are afraid of letting go of expectations.

                 we are afraid of being disappointed.

if He isn't who we thought He was, if He isn't just the way the preacher or our mentor painted Him to be, then what are the implications that follow?  what does that mean for me?  what does that mean for the way i go about life?

it may imply a change is needed.  and i don't know about you, but i greatly fear change.

for change is embodied by the unknown.  i may have too much invested into my current expectation and i must risk losing that which i was deeply invested in to find out what that unknown actually holds.  as good as that reality may end up to be, i still must risk to find out.

i may be alone in this, though i think i am not, but i rather like when things turn out the way i expected them to - a laying hen is indeed a laying hen... or my picture of the Messiah is fully accurate of who He is in reality.

as much as i may enjoy controlled surprises, say a gift or birthday party or unexpected check in the mail, the surprises that alter the course i have set for my life i am not as comfortable with. 

i am reading the words in red and gulping with the realization that He is a lot bolder than i painted Him to be.  He is more offensive.  His sayings are hard.  i am left wondering, like peter, Lord, who then can be saved?

for the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, 
and there are few who find it.                                                       
                                             matthew 7:14

but Lord, i do not understand.  i had expectations and You are not quite how i expected You to be.  who then can be saved?  or better said, Lord, can i even be saved if this is how You ask me to live?

yet just when i am faced with the hard questions that threaten to crush my hopes while they do indeed crush my expectations, i am met with the sweet wind of revelation.  the Spirit breathes on my heart pounding heavy with the fear of God.

He died.  He was crushed.  His blood poured out.  His body writhed in pain.

all for me.

and tears roll down the previously tense cheeks.  my shoulders relax as offense is lifted and replaced with thanksgiving for His mercy.  a sob is choked back in a constricted throat as the Spirit gently pries open my hands to let go of false expectations of Him to be...

just.      like.      me.

i timidly step towards this One who asks of me more than i can give, but gave all that He is and more than He should.  if anyone could ask the impossible from me, if anyone could offend me yet draw forth desire to love, it is Him.

so expectations can change.  letting go of who i thought Him to be and allowing Him to give me all of who He is in reality is so much more powerful than what i have been clinging to so tightly.

for when my hands are finally open to receive, only then can He give me the grace to fully live.



counting gifts...

185 - 199:

185. thriving potato plants!

186. we successfully found a home for the rooster formally known as susan.

187. we adopted a year old hen who is already laying eggs!

188.  "new susan" is getting used to living in our backyard and isn't quite as freaked out as she was when she first arrived.

189.  our first brown egg.

190. the back yard demo mess getting cleaned up more and more and more...

191. our "free" date with a starbucks card i received in the mail from a huggies diaper program.

192. a surprise target card in the mail as a referral gift from our dentist.

193. warm, tasty, filling steel cut oats.

194. a beautiful day at the park for my 3 oldest boys' belated birthday bash.

195. hot hubby who was bbqing 100 hot dogs for the boys and all the friends.

196. hand-me-down clothes that are cute (for me!).

197. words of Jesus in the gospels that challenge, offend, and keep me alive.

198. the realization that He is the only One who has died for me, and so why shouldn't He be able to say such bold things that offend my heart yet challenge me to pursue Him?

199. a quiet afternoon to sit on the couch and blog.


come join the counting to one thousand at a holy experience.  i would love to read your list of thanksgiving as well.  if you are visiting from the link up, leave a comment and let me know!

how has His grace touched your life today?

charis

there must be more than this

every once in a while I need a major wake up call that my everyday normal life isn't all there is.

i am not complaining for one moment about being a mom to 4 boys.  though i have had that ache inside at some point to explore other things as well, i don't have any particular itch right now to do anything differently off the top of my head (other than pay our bills on time and have enough money to keep up with the sky-rocketing gas prices!  can i hear an amen on that?!).

i wrestled for several months about my current season and i now really feel a peace and contentment about exactly where i am and what i am focusing on - my family.   let me me be perfectly honest, i have had many seasons when i didn't have this assurance that i was in the right place at the right time doing what i was meant to do.  though i struggled to find the peace, i just felt discontent.  right now isn't one of those times for me.  but even in this place of my life, in fact possibly especially in this place of my life, i must live with the constant awareness of the reality that there must be more than this.

there is so much on my heart that i would like to do someday.  i have dreams, goals, fleeting ideas of places i would go, things i would try, songs i would write, instruments i would learn to play, languages i would learn to speak.

i have always wanted to live in another country.

i have always wanted to run a marathon.

i have always wanted to write a book.

and yet, let's say every single one of these dreams inside are fulfilled one day (or even if they are possibly not), there still must be more than this. 

i get so wrapped up in the present life that so many many times i lose vision of the so much more there is and how very little understanding or awareness i have of it.  so much of my life passes by, moment by moment, day by day, and i fail to realize that at some point every single thing will be laid bare for all to see.   all the big things, all the little things, all the choices of what i said or didn't say, all the inner motives if my heart... they will all be seen.  they will be out on display and i don't know at this moment if it shakes me up more that you all will really know the inner workings of me or that i will look Him who created me in the eye and realize that He has always known it all along- the good, the bad, and the ugly.

and i think for me at least, when i get so focused on making sure there are clean socks, or dry diapers, or anointed worship sets, or prompt mortgage payments, or inspired blog posts i lose vision for what this life is all about.   i lose hope that even my heart can be sanctified; that the personality weaknesses that i have struggled with all of my life can be transformed; that i, even i, could be meek and humble instead of selfish and people pleasing.

when i start to think of this life as all there is, i lose vision for fullness in my own heart. suddenly the dreams to see the world, or be financially secure, or well liked and accepted become so much bigger than the dream of possessing my own soul.

where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, 
but happy is he who keeps the law.
proverbs 29:18

i have once again become acutely aware of the darkness hiding in the depths of my heart and i am grieved at what i see.  i am still spending time in prayer, in the Word, and even in public ministry... but there are areas of sin i had lost vision of ever overcoming.  there are areas i did not acknowledge as even being sin, but simply a part of my personality.  i am deeply grieved that if i were to stand before Jesus today, i would have to give an account before Him and before you for losing vision for possessing my own heart and failing to present to Him what i could have if i had only believed it to be possible to finally be whole.

you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin...
hebrews 12:4

grace is given that we (i) can have the means to finally be free.  not free to sin, but free to actually have the ability to obey and to love Him with a whole heart... something i have talked a lot about with little actual understanding of what it looked like in my own life.  

there must be more than this.

the fact that my eyes are once again open to the vision of this as a real possibility for me is bigger than any dream i could have for my life on this side of eternity.


charis