Friday, February 10, 2012

get me a lock... a big one.

i had so much fun last week that today i am again linking up with the gypsy mama for 5 minute friday.  i love meeting new people, so if you are visiting from the link up, let me know in the comments below so i can go read your post as well!

5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

word for the day: trust


wow, what a word for the day.

i guess it is as good of a time as any to get a bit vulnerable and -shudder- maybe try out a bit of that trust thing.

when i was in college i actually wrote my senior thesis on the word trust.  i had many wounds, recent and older, that made me want desperately to find in the Bible a strong case for not trusting people.  i was hurting and some of the wounds were incredibly fresh and painful and i didn't want to open myself up to that type of hurt again.

image by MeiTeng

building up some strong walls sounded good to me.  even a fortress.

i wasn't sure how i was going to write an entire thesis on proving my point, but my professor was up for seeing what i came up with.

i found in all i could research both in the Word and in pop psychology that no matter how much pain i was in, it was the wrong move to lock up my heart in efforts to not experience pain again.

i found trust is vital for a baby to develop to end up being a healthy adult (emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally).

i found the example of the life of Jesus to bring me to bittersweet tears in the fact that He trusted and allowed people close, even knowing the deceitful hearts of men.  i went through the whole gamut of emotions about this - anger, confusion, denial, and finally acceptance of the hard road ahead of opening up my heart again even after being hurt.

i was in wonder thinking about how Jesus treated both judas and peter - both denying Him... and He restoring the one who didn't take his life in regret and shame.  i doubt i would have the strength or foresight to trust "my church" to the one who had just told everyone they didn't know me while i could actually see them saying it... one who claimed to be my closest friend.


well, that is five minutes.  what i would add is this - i found Jesus' incredible example of how He lived a life of forgiveness and mercy to those who most definitely did not deserve it the most amazing example of trust i have ever seen. 

in the process of writing my senior thesis, the Holy Spirit encountered my own deceitful heart with this same mercy.  i heard the Lord whisper to me when i asked Him in angry tears what He wanted from me - will you love my people?  waves of mercy washed up over my hurting heart and brought an initial healing to the brokenness that i have had to walk out over the years.

Jesus was never naive nor ignorant of the capacity and ability in man to deceive and wound others, and yet we are the ones He chose to surround Himself with and to give His life for on the cross.

if He can give His life, i can choose to unlock my heart.

how about you?  are you going through some trust issues that i can support you in prayer?  what testimonies of overcoming broken trust can you share with us to encourage us all in our journeys?

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