love keeps no record of wrongs

forgiveness.

you knew that i couldn't write a series on marriage and not addess this "f" word.

love keeps no record of wrongs, right?

but in reality, we know, we remember, we feel all over again

every. single. painful. moment.

i remember so clearly a moment in our own pre-marriage counseling when our counselor advised us to write some "fighting" rules together.  she strongly cautioned us, "when in a fight, be careful of the words you say in the moment and never call names.  though you can apologize for the words that were said, you can never fully take them back... they just float around out there in the sound waves and our memories replay them over and over again."

i know this may come as a shocker to those of you not yet married, but in the full swings of puppy love and the perpetual highs of finding the right "one" but not yet in the covenant, that you will have to forgive your spouse.

you. will. have. to. forgive. your. spouse.

period.

that means, i know there may be some of you who still may be shaking your heads in disbelief, that your spouse will do something wrong enough to be in need of forgiveness.

forgiveness for what was said... and for what wasn't said.  for what was done... and for what wasn't done.  and sometimes, it will be a really big thing that is in need of forgiveness.

no one has a perfect marriage.

no one.

i know that we all have perceptions of other people's relationships, of their lives really.  but when we assume that someone has that marriage that is just all fireworks and connection all of the time, we are playing that grass is greener on the other side of the fence game.

and i heard a great quote that i cannot forget -

the grass is greener where you water it.

image by myriah grubbs

water your grass with the water of forgiveness.

no one has a perfect marriage, but it is very possible to have a very good one.

whenever i am at a bridal shower and they pass around those little cute cards that you are supposed to write a few words of advice on to encourage the bride to be i always write the same thing -

forgive. 
love keeps no record of wrongs.
1 corinthians 13

it really is the number 1 piece of marriage advice i can give.  it is the one reason i still like my husband today - i choose every day to forgive and to remind myself to stop keeping a record of wrongs.  sometimes it may be a daily choice, other times a moment by moment choice. 

 when my mind wants to replay and relive the painful words or actions in the past, i must choose to forgive.

i have heard so many objections to this single topic - sheesh, i have come up with many objections in my own soul how i should hold onto offense over things done to me - but if we are followers of Jesus this is one thing that isn't negotiable in any relationship we find ourselves in, let alone marriage.

if you find this speaking straight to where you are at and your eyes are open to some unforgiveness or hurt feelings lurking in the shadows of your heart, let me encourage you to start right now in giving the hurt to God and extending mercy towards your spouse (or any other person who has wronged you). "i forgive you" aren't magic words that make the pain of it all just immediately vanish. forgiveness is a choice we have to walk out after we speak it out.

i heard this great illustration a while back from bob jones that i will never forget:

forgiveness is like a yo-yo. keep throwing it out there until the string breaks and it stops coming back. 

you see, we don't forgive the big things just one time. if you have pain or anxiety when you think of someone, it means there is still a deeper level of forgiveness that still needs to happen. extend mercy once again, like throwing out the yo-yo, until the memory or thought of the person doesn't cause pain in your heart any more. the pain can stop coming back. but it takes determination to forgive time and time and time again, and choose to let go of the right to demand things are made right.

sometimes things are made right. sometimes people show true remorse for their offense. sometimes they won't. we still forgive, simply because He forgave us.

at the end of the day we have to remember, if He forgave us all of our sin then why in the world would we choose to not forgive the sins done against us?  (He even mentioned that if we refuse to forgive, the Father will withhold forgiveness from us as well.  pretty sober thought, huh?)

now walking it out is hard at times, isn't it?  oh, but it is so worth it because "he who is forgiven much, loves much." (luke 7:47) our true forgiveness can draw forth love out of our spouse. forgiveness has the potential to not just mend the relationship, but cause it to flourish!

we have been forgiven so much at the cross.  let us love others the way He loves us - and let's start by forgiving our spouse. water your grass so it flourishes a deep shade of green.

thoughts?

charis

what an opportunity!

it is the home stretch of school and i am so ready for summer!  i am having a hard time with these long sunlit evenings to get the kids to bed for the early mornings.  i love to spend time with my kids and i am so excited for them to be home and doing fun things together!

to kick off the summer (though we still have 3 days of school left) we went cherry picking on saturday morning.  we filled 2.5 buckets of cherries and only paid $21.  after sorting through the berries i found we had about 17 baskets filled! i would way that was pretty good.  besides getting a ton of great summer fruit, we had a great time as a family.  it's memory making and a yummy way to make memories by picking fresh fruit.  do you know your farmer?

now what i really want to write about is the overwhelming absolute goodness and kindness of our God.  do you know His very real kindness in every circumstance?  i am rejoicing extra in Him today because of our present trials.

we woke up this morning to our jeep wrangler missing from the front of our house.  yep, it was stolen.  after all that has happened over the last couple weeks i have to be honest with you that i wasn't terribly surprised.  this is not said in a pessimistic way at all.  i have been asking the Lord to be my Rock that i build on alone and that i wouldn't be so attached to the things of this world.

just yesterday morning i posted on our facebook page (are you part of our growing community yet?)  a passage in revelation 3 that was a warning to one of the seven churches about how she had grown lukewarm.  in His incredible mercy and kindness, Jesus warned this church that her eyes had become distracted by riches and thinking she had all she needed in wealth of the world in the now.  what she did not realizing was the true broken state she was in.  reading this yesterday morning i prayed, God, don't let me be blinded!  i want to be rich in you and it that means breaking my grip on my stuff now, then please do it!

you see, in our house of prayer community and on this blog as well we talk a lot about having our hope anchored in the Day of the Lord.  i talk a lot about Jesus being my inheritance and my exceedingly great reward.  yet i don't want to stand before Him when He returns and find out that my life really was just a bunch of good talk without the reality of living the message behind it.  i don't want to have a reputation for being alive, but being dead on the inside (a warning Jesus gave another one of the seven churches)!

so today, i thank Him in true sincerity for the opportunity for my heart to be tested now.  am i willing to live the message of having my hope anchored in His coming?  i get the opportunity to bless my enemy and pray for his (or her) repentance and salvation from the lake of fire.  i get to ask that the Lord uses this not only to refine my heart and love for Him, but to draw the thief to Himself and ask that he would choose to leave his life of sin and follow Jesus.

of course i would love for the police to find our jeep and return it.  i would love for the thief himself to repent and return it himself.

but my hope doesn't lie in justice right now - my hope lies in the One who will make all the wrong things right once and for all when He steps foot again on this fallen earth and sets up His righteous kingdom.

this is what i eagerly wait for - and if someone takes my stuff i choose to rejoice in my God for He is good and He is for me and not against me.  He gives me the opportunity to choose Him first with my real life and not just with my words.  i get the opportunity to experience true joy and turn from the human tendency to get angry when 1 are wronged.

i know God will take care of us.  sure, it is our car, but it is only a car.  He has never failed me yet and i know Him to be faithful and trustworthy and in this too He is so so good.

you can ask the Lord to bring our jeep back (i am), but i mostly ask you to pray with me that i will be found pleasing to Him in the midst of this and that the thief would find mercy and salvation.  amen!

 so i thank Jesus for today as much as for our cherry picking day - all are gifts.

still counting gifts to 1000...


654 - 672:

654. supplies in my craft closet to make gifts.

655. the Holy Spirit moving my heart for the poor.

656. a family pass to the aquatic center for the summer.

657. my boys who want to be preachers when they grow up and are already giving their  first sermons.

658. praying with other women lift up each others' needs and desires.

659. fresh fruit of the summer.

660. cherry picking.

661. patience He is working into my heart.

662. tender hearts before the Lord.

663. bright blue sunny sky days.

664. the rain watering my garden for me today.

665. new ideas for the garden.

666. sweet sons who love each other as brothers and friends.

667. new piano student.

668. the opportunity to walk the talk.

669. His mercies are new every morning, so great is His faithfulness.

670. teachers who see my boys with the eyes of the Father.

671. our freezer to preserve the summer bounty for the winter up ahead.

672. He works all things together for our good.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit!  if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section.  i love hearing from you!

if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can in the upper right of this post.  i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis

she is...

she is beautiful.  she is kind.  she is creative beyond imagination.

one of my most vivid childhood memories is her example of worshiping God.  i remember going to worship practices with her and playing in the back of the church while she worshiped God practicing with the team.  at home she would often turn on a worship tape (yes, back in the days when we listened to cassette tapes) and would sing and dance in the middle of the room.  she took piano lessons as an adult so that she could write her own songs to the Lord on the piano and worship in our living room.  she engrained in me the importance of taking time to worship God at home, not just in the larger gathering of believers. (though she has led worship in both)

she seemed to have a mini crisis with the idea becoming a grandma, but as soon as my oldest son was set to arrive she was fully engaged with the new life that was coming.  now, 11 grandkids later, she is known to crawl around on the floor playing hide and seek, take out all her percussion instruments letting them play loudly to their hearts' content while having family worship time, and always has one of the many by her side giving her cuddles.  she is engaged in these little lives and will influence them in a way that only a grandparent (or nonnie in her case) can - they will hear words from her that they may not receive as warmly from mommy and daddy and they will open up their tender hearts to her.

she set a godly example of what it meant to be a faithful loving wife.  i remember a conversation with her in my teenage years about how once a girl gets married her husband is to be her closest male friend.  she strongly believed and encouraged friends, rather than committed relationships, with the opposite sex while we were too young to get married.  but she warned that close friendships with the opposite sex were for before marriage and not to give close confidence to other men after marriage that was meant for your husband.  she married her best friend and encouraged each of us to do the same.  i took this all to heart.  she showed me that marriage is for life, not for when it is convenient, and the example she and my dad have given about faithfulness and covenant has been a gift beyond what she may ever fully know. 

like a broken record she hammered forgiveness into us as we grew up.  she told me the most important thing i will ever learn is how to forgive.  she didn't have an inflated view of herself, but in humility told us that we would someday have to forgive even her, though she always tried to give us the best she could and knew how.  as i raise my own kids, i remember that i will not be perfect, though i really desire to be good.  i remember her example to humble myself to my own kids and admit my imperfections.  i work to pass on the high value for forgiveness - the greatest gift Jesus gives us and the most important gift we give to others and to ourselves.

in a hard stretch of time between me and my siblings, when i was much too consumed with friends and not kind enough to the ones God had chosen for my family, she reminded me again and again that my siblings would be my best friends when i grew up.  she was right.  i am thankful that she had vision to see what God would do in our relationships when i could not see.  i too tell my boys to remember that friends will come and go, but their brothers will be there forever as their best friends.

she has modeled generosity and servanthood again and again and again.  putting her own needs aside, she has given and loved in the most real practical way those around her who are hurting or in need.  she has become the armor bearer to those who are in enormous personal battles.  she is compassionate, wise, and kind - an amazing support when support is what is needed most.  she is a friend when it is most important to be a friend.

she has so much deep inside of her that is so beautiful, waiting to come out.  she isn't ambitious to make herself known, but happy to serve the Lord wherever He places her.  she has shown me that it is right to trust the Lord to open the doors and show what He has for me right now... that we love and worship the Lord in whatever He has put before us for this season of life.

she is my mama.

i am incredibly blessed to be her daughter. 

 charis

get me a lock... a big one.

i had so much fun last week that today i am again linking up with the gypsy mama for 5 minute friday.  i love meeting new people, so if you are visiting from the link up, let me know in the comments below so i can go read your post as well!


5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

word for the day: trust

start.

wow, what a word for the day.

i guess it is as good of a time as any to get a bit vulnerable and -shudder- maybe try out a bit of that trust thing.

when i was in college i actually wrote my senior thesis on the word trust.  i had many wounds, recent and older, that made me want desperately to find in the Bible a strong case for not trusting people.  i was hurting and some of the wounds were incredibly fresh and painful and i didn't want to open myself up to that type of hurt again.

image by MeiTeng

building up some strong walls sounded good to me.  even a fortress.

i wasn't sure how i was going to write an entire thesis on proving my point, but my professor was up for seeing what i came up with.

i found in all i could research both in the Word and in pop psychology that no matter how much pain i was in, it was the wrong move to lock up my heart in efforts to not experience pain again.

i found trust is vital for a baby to develop to end up being a healthy adult (emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally).

i found the example of the life of Jesus to bring me to bittersweet tears in the fact that He trusted and allowed people close, even knowing the deceitful hearts of men.  i went through the whole gamut of emotions about this - anger, confusion, denial, and finally acceptance of the hard road ahead of opening up my heart again even after being hurt.

i was in wonder thinking about how Jesus treated both judas and peter - both denying Him... and He restoring the one who didn't take his life in regret and shame.  i doubt i would have the strength or foresight to trust "my church" to the one who had just told everyone they didn't know me while i could actually see them saying it... one who claimed to be my closest friend.

stop.

well, that is five minutes.  what i would add is this - i found Jesus' incredible example of how He lived a life of forgiveness and mercy to those who most definitely did not deserve it the most amazing example of trust i have ever seen. 

in the process of writing my senior thesis, the Holy Spirit encountered my own deceitful heart with this same mercy.  i heard the Lord whisper to me when i asked Him in angry tears what He wanted from me - will you love my people?  waves of mercy washed up over my hurting heart and brought an initial healing to the brokenness that i have had to walk out over the years.

Jesus was never naive nor ignorant of the capacity and ability in man to deceive and wound others, and yet we are the ones He chose to surround Himself with and to give His life for on the cross.

if He can give His life, i can choose to unlock my heart.

how about you?  are you going through some trust issues that i can support you in prayer?  what testimonies of overcoming broken trust can you share with us to encourage us all in our journeys?

charis

even them? you have got to be kidding me.

 my view as i am writing this blog post... quiet in the house right now.

you have heard that it was said, 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.  but I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.  if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also.  whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two.  give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.  you have heard that it was said, 'you shall love your neighbor' and hate your enemy.  but I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,  so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  for if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? do not even the tax collectors do the same?  if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? do not even the gentiles do the same?
therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.   matthew 5:38-48

i have always thought the words of Jesus in the sermon on the mount (matthew 5-7) were particularly challenging.  these challenge me to the core if i take them literally.

do not resist an evil person.  if they hit you, abuse you, mistreat you, just let them do it again.  He couldn't be serious, right?  He wouldn't really be telling us to allow someone to cause us pain.

i have heard so many many people, unfortunately including those from pulpits, argue how this couldn't really be literal.  i have heard so many people say how it is okay, even godly, to defend ourselves and our rights.

the only problem with this is that Jesus didn't defend Himself or His rights.  He wasn't asking anything of His followers that He wasn't willing to live fully Himself.

just as challenging is the exhortation to love your enemies.  did you know that there is no where in the old testament that it says to hate your enemies?  it is almost humorous how many times i have heard it said that Jesus was correcting the old testament here.  no, it did say to love your neighbor and to treat them right, (He wasn't just adding the love your neighbor as yourself stuff to the 1st commandment... it was a commonly understood command of the Lord all through the law), but it never said to hate or mistreat an enemy.

yet, how many times do we just turn a blind eye to this exhortation of Jesus and justify our anger at our enemies?  we even call it righteous anger at times, trying to make it godly.

Jesus is right.  it is so easy for me to be kind to those who treat me well.  it is easy to give to those who appreciate what i give them.  it is easy to pray for a friend who has done so much to positively impact my life.

but the person who treats me like dirt and doesn't understand me, appreciate me, or sometimes even wounds me?  pray for them?  love them?

you mean the one who betrayed me?  the one who at my weakest moment rubbed salt in my wounds and didn't seem to care that my heart was broken and devastated... even them?  love them?  pray for them?

there is a reason there is a reward for this completely counter culture request.  many times throughout the different gospels Jesus says that if we receive our reward here, we forfeit it later.  if we fail to get the reward here, He will make sure of it we do get it on the Day of the Lord and then it will be forever.

we rarely get any rewards for allowing someone to hurt us again.  we rarely get any advice to lay down our lives for those who betray us, even from our friends who are believers.  our first instinct is definitely not to love those who cause us pain.  i know it isn't mine.

Jesus' teachings are so challenging and honestly most of us, even those of us who say we desire to follow Him, hate what He asks us to do.

but He never asked anything that He didn't do Himself.

when we spit on Him, He turned the other cheek.

when we told Him that He owed us something, He was gracious and gave freely and not begrudgingly.

when we hated Him for who He was and is and how much He made us realize our own darkness, He loved us anyways.

when we crucified Him, (because each one of us would have been in that crowd yelling 'crucify Him!' if we are really honest) He prayed to the Father asking Him to forgive us because we didn't really know what we were doing.

He could have called down fire from heaven and would have been fully justified, but He didn't.  our entire hope and salvation and life depends on the fact that He turned the other cheek, and we defend daily, sometimes every moment, why we are justified in our unforgiveness towards those who have done true wrong towards us.

if Jesus's words are literal and true, there is so much i must change about how i live and so much in my paradigm, in the paradigm of the entire Christian church, that needs to change.

seems so huge sometimes it is hard to know where to begin, huh.  well, when you stop reading this blog and someone mistreats you, the simple prayer for help to respond the way Jesus asks us to is a great start.

He gives us plenty of opportunities to practice this in our lives, over and over again.  i challenge you to ask for the grace to take what He said as true and then to walk it out.  we will mess up over and over again, but as i said, we will get so many opportunities to practice this with mistreatment... over and over again.

go, and be like your Father.

charis

linking up with barbie this week for fresh brewed sundays.

an apologetic of sorts

i have been thinking for a while about writing here about what i write about here.  (poorly written sentence, but hopefully you track with me).  i know i have friends from all different seasons and parts of my life and not everyone shares the same faith in Jesus that is so central to my life.  i realize that many may not connect with the fact that so much of my writing has to do with things i feel God is teaching me about life and so much has to do with scriptures from the Bible.  so, since i know that everyone who comes to my blog may not share the same starting place in approaching what i write, i thought i would explain a bit.  think of this as my version of an apologetic in very non-academic language.

faith has an element of mystery to it.  as much as i may try to explain where i am coming from and the perspective from which i see life unfold, there is no denying that i have to surrender to an element of mystery to believe in God and in the saving power of Jesus.  so i know that i am not convincing anyone of anything that they do not choose to believe for themselves.  i am not here to argue or debate, just to give a little background for why i choose to believe and why i write so much about my faith in Jesus.

i was raised in a christian home, with my family largely either being from the fields of education or vocational ministry (ie. teachers and preachers).  i guess you could say i got a little bit of both of those fires in my bones.  even though i was very influenced by my parents and those influential in my life teaching me the truths of the Bible and the reality that relationship with the Creator God was possible and accessible for me, i had to still come to the place of decision for myself.  i chose to begin an active relationship with Jesus, who i believe to be the only Way to know and experience God, when i was very very young.  however, this decision was one i had to confirm over and over again when life circumstances would come and cause me to reassess what it was i would really believe and actively pursue for my life. 

this knowledge of God that i started pursuing was not only a knowing about God, but an experiential knowledge as well.  i have had circumstances, both as a child and an adult, of facing extreme battles with fear and having an angel from God show up in my room to melt all fear of calamity away.  i have heard the whispers of God on my heart both fully awake and while i sleep.  i have had a very active dream life where God has spoken to me about things in both symbolic and very literal ways, including showing me my niece havyn in a dream before she was born (and while i was still convinced she was a boy because we hadn't found out her gender yet).  i have seen visions of many things and had the Lord speak to me clearly regarding direction for my own life and specific things going on in the lives of others around me so that i could encourage them and pray for them.  i have both seen angels and smelled the malodorous demons with my natural senses.

all of these "spiritual" experiences have led me to an indescribable hunger and desire to know Jesus, the Creator and God of all things.  I have been awed at His wonders and amazed at His nearness in the very real humanity He has cloaked Himself in forever.  i believe He is the most proper noun that exists - the very God forever come to us in a form we would allow to draw close to us and teach us about the Uncreated Father and All-Consuming Fire.  i have fed myself in all extremes of circumstances, for the past 25 years of being literate, on the Word of God - the bible.  i quote it so much in my writings because it has become an anchor for me and such a source of wisdom and revelation.  my prayer life has become the first place i run when i face both the highs and lows of life.

more than anything else, the experience of real true forgiveness through Jesus for all of my sin, all of my shortcomings and failures and selfishness, from the only One who is perfect and without sin has completely changed my life.  i have so much hope.  i know that my salvation in a world so full of calamity and rumors of calamity isn't up to me.  i believe that God is always good, full of grace and mercy... slow to anger and abounding in love... yet absolutely righteous and just.  it is amazing that this good God who is perfect and holy, unlike anything else, would love me and want to know me personally and want to reveal Himself to me.  i am amazed that He sent His very Spirit, the Holy Spirit, to live inside of me because i chose to give my life to following Him.  i am never never alone.

i cannot help but want to share what i have been given because i really believe, not it an weird salesman way, that if someone experiences His love and kindness even in the worst moments they will feel the same way i do.  this is why i write so much about this relationship with God.  i am so forever changed and continually amazed that His love is not put off by even the worst version of me.   who could have ever imagined that in all of mankind's searching and stories of a hero that there really is One. 

so, i hope that even if you do not know Jesus in the way that i know Him, you will feel welcome to read this blog and take from my life experience.  if anyone ever has any more personal questions about my faith than you would like to post here as a comment, please contact me and i would love to talk.  this is so largely intertwined into who i am that it is what i think about, and what i end up writing about.  most of all, i want to be a vessel of His love that others, whether they have personally experienced Him or not, may know that there really is Hope and there really is a love that never fails.

thank you all so much for the ways you have blessed and enriched my life and journey, whether you realized it or not. 

charis

 

i know no one like Him

to read more on this amazing man's humility or His invitation into fullness of joy, click and read!

"you have heard that it was said, 'you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' "but I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on {the} evil and {the} good, and sends rain on {the} righteous and {the} unrighteous."for if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? do not even the tax collectors do the same? "if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing {than others?} do not even the Gentiles do the same? "therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. matthew 5:43-38

such a powerful statement.  forgiveness.  love my enemies.  pray for those who treat me horribly.  i am told to lay down my right for revenge, or at the very least my right to resentment, and to not only chose to not hate the ones who treat me badly but to love them.

earlier in the same sermon Jesus said:

"you have heard that it was said, 'an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.' "but I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.  "if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. "whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. "give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you."  matthew 5:38-42

do not resist an evil person.  Jesus tells me to not only allow them to abuse me, but to forgive fully to the point of love and praying for them.  i do not have to tell you the anger that arises inside and causes the cheeks to burn and eyes to well up when asked to forgive and pray for those who have set themselves against me when everything within wants to do the opposite.  no one could ask this of me, but the One who did it Himself.

i am once again taken back by the realization that God Himself in the person of Jesus took upon the scorn of all humanity, the very ones He created for His delight, and then while He was hanging on the cross because of the sin and hatred in man, He not only turned the other cheek, but He prayed, Father, forgive them.  they don't know what they do. 

He did not resist me when i fought against Him.  when i struck Him, He turned to me His other cheek and did not strike me back.  when i demanded of Him, He gave me much more than i had even required.  and when i made myself His enemy, He loved me and prayed that my eyes would be opened to the truth of His love.

and i cannot resist this kind of love.  i know no one like Him.

   

charis