wanting a fresh encounter

i am sitting in the prayer room at the international house of prayer in kansas city.  i cannot describe to you the feelings i have surging through my blood - in so many ways it feels like i have come home.  i am not sure if that makes sense really; i am not from the midwest.  it isn't really the location that feels like home to me, but the atmosphere of constant worship and prayer.  though we oversee a house of prayer back home, there is just something about just being here and not being responsible for anything other than being with God.  it is so refreshing.  i am struggling with the right words to write so i guess that is just how i will put it - refreshing.

our house of prayer is in a lot of transition and we don't have a building right now to meet for our regular prayer meetings.  i am realizing so much right now how much i miss it - that sacred place to go to just meet with the Lord.  He is moving in the midst of our community, no doubt, but i miss the gathering where everything else stops for the one thing of coming before Him.  no teaching, no conversations, no other thing but gazing upon Him and waiting on Him.  so refreshing.  it stirs my heart even more to just wait on Him and to listen to what He is saying. 

i am wanting to hear Him speak to me.  i feel like there is so much that has transpired in our lives over the past several weeks that He had my attention.  i need to hear His voice.  i want to encounter Him fresh and new.  i have already had many tears spill in the couple days here.

view taking off from vegas

the journey to get here with 5 kids was a bit intense - the kids were amazing with the full day of travel and we didn't lose anyone in the 4 airports we were at that day!  success right?!  no major meltdowns really either.

when we got into kc a couple hours late from delayed planes the place we rented a car from was closed and they didn't have our car there (though the lady on the phone told me it would be even with us getting in late).  in fact, they didn't have any cars there at all - a completely empty lot!

the only place open at 3am took pity on this little family of seven with sleepy kiddos and after watching us on the phones trying to figure something out, unsuccessfully, offered us this beauty for the price of an economy car.

yep, that is a good ole 12 seater.  isn't that crazy?!  these rent for much more than the minivan we rented and we ended up getting it for cheaper than we had paid originally.  crazy huh?  it was the only vehicle there that would fit our family.  otherwise, we could have been stuck at the airport for who knows how much longer.

we arrived at the house we are staying at 5:45am... so bedtime was 6am after the sunrise.  yikes!  but we made it and the kids passed with flying colors!  they were so great.

so here we are in kc.  if you think of it, would you pray that i hear from the Lord?  i have some things on my heart and i would love to encounter Him fresh.  thank you so much!

love you all.

charis

a surprise waiting in the wilderness

photo credit

two weeks ago a friend of mine who is doing a series on the song of solomon on her blog every wednesday emailed me and asked me if i would like to write a guest post.  she told me i could pick any part of the book that i wanted to focus on.  i immediately knew what chapter i would write about that was so near and dear to my heart i had even written a song out of it.  here is a little taste of my post.

you will have to go visit barbie at a freshly brewed life to read the whole story of my journey to encountering God.

i had always described my dry and painful seasons as my wilderness seasons.  we all have them.  they are the times when we feel the most hidden: invisible really.  we feel that we are walking around in circles through a hot desert and all that we want is a cool drink of water... the touch of the Holy Spirit upon our dry hearts.  we can look for miles in all directions and see nothing.  i used to despise the wilderness.  i thought it was punishment for somehow doing something wrong... 

i was sure that the dry wilderness i found myself in was something of my own making... somehow my own fault.  i did not know then what i know now...

go to my freshly brewed life to read the rest of my very first guest blog post where i describe my surprising discovery about the wilderness seasons.  leave a comment both here and there so i know you read it.

i am looking forward to hearing your feedback! 

charis

an apologetic of sorts

i have been thinking for a while about writing here about what i write about here.  (poorly written sentence, but hopefully you track with me).  i know i have friends from all different seasons and parts of my life and not everyone shares the same faith in Jesus that is so central to my life.  i realize that many may not connect with the fact that so much of my writing has to do with things i feel God is teaching me about life and so much has to do with scriptures from the Bible.  so, since i know that everyone who comes to my blog may not share the same starting place in approaching what i write, i thought i would explain a bit.  think of this as my version of an apologetic in very non-academic language.

faith has an element of mystery to it.  as much as i may try to explain where i am coming from and the perspective from which i see life unfold, there is no denying that i have to surrender to an element of mystery to believe in God and in the saving power of Jesus.  so i know that i am not convincing anyone of anything that they do not choose to believe for themselves.  i am not here to argue or debate, just to give a little background for why i choose to believe and why i write so much about my faith in Jesus.

i was raised in a christian home, with my family largely either being from the fields of education or vocational ministry (ie. teachers and preachers).  i guess you could say i got a little bit of both of those fires in my bones.  even though i was very influenced by my parents and those influential in my life teaching me the truths of the Bible and the reality that relationship with the Creator God was possible and accessible for me, i had to still come to the place of decision for myself.  i chose to begin an active relationship with Jesus, who i believe to be the only Way to know and experience God, when i was very very young.  however, this decision was one i had to confirm over and over again when life circumstances would come and cause me to reassess what it was i would really believe and actively pursue for my life. 

this knowledge of God that i started pursuing was not only a knowing about God, but an experiential knowledge as well.  i have had circumstances, both as a child and an adult, of facing extreme battles with fear and having an angel from God show up in my room to melt all fear of calamity away.  i have heard the whispers of God on my heart both fully awake and while i sleep.  i have had a very active dream life where God has spoken to me about things in both symbolic and very literal ways, including showing me my niece havyn in a dream before she was born (and while i was still convinced she was a boy because we hadn't found out her gender yet).  i have seen visions of many things and had the Lord speak to me clearly regarding direction for my own life and specific things going on in the lives of others around me so that i could encourage them and pray for them.  i have both seen angels and smelled the malodorous demons with my natural senses.

all of these "spiritual" experiences have led me to an indescribable hunger and desire to know Jesus, the Creator and God of all things.  I have been awed at His wonders and amazed at His nearness in the very real humanity He has cloaked Himself in forever.  i believe He is the most proper noun that exists - the very God forever come to us in a form we would allow to draw close to us and teach us about the Uncreated Father and All-Consuming Fire.  i have fed myself in all extremes of circumstances, for the past 25 years of being literate, on the Word of God - the bible.  i quote it so much in my writings because it has become an anchor for me and such a source of wisdom and revelation.  my prayer life has become the first place i run when i face both the highs and lows of life.

more than anything else, the experience of real true forgiveness through Jesus for all of my sin, all of my shortcomings and failures and selfishness, from the only One who is perfect and without sin has completely changed my life.  i have so much hope.  i know that my salvation in a world so full of calamity and rumors of calamity isn't up to me.  i believe that God is always good, full of grace and mercy... slow to anger and abounding in love... yet absolutely righteous and just.  it is amazing that this good God who is perfect and holy, unlike anything else, would love me and want to know me personally and want to reveal Himself to me.  i am amazed that He sent His very Spirit, the Holy Spirit, to live inside of me because i chose to give my life to following Him.  i am never never alone.

i cannot help but want to share what i have been given because i really believe, not it an weird salesman way, that if someone experiences His love and kindness even in the worst moments they will feel the same way i do.  this is why i write so much about this relationship with God.  i am so forever changed and continually amazed that His love is not put off by even the worst version of me.   who could have ever imagined that in all of mankind's searching and stories of a hero that there really is One. 

so, i hope that even if you do not know Jesus in the way that i know Him, you will feel welcome to read this blog and take from my life experience.  if anyone ever has any more personal questions about my faith than you would like to post here as a comment, please contact me and i would love to talk.  this is so largely intertwined into who i am that it is what i think about, and what i end up writing about.  most of all, i want to be a vessel of His love that others, whether they have personally experienced Him or not, may know that there really is Hope and there really is a love that never fails.

thank you all so much for the ways you have blessed and enriched my life and journey, whether you realized it or not. 

charis

 

a heart that is alive

there are quite a few topics for blogging on my mind at the moment, so hopefully that means there will be quite a few entries on here in the next few days. today's topic: contemplative prayer.

probably so many different ideas come to mind when you read that phrase, or maybe nothing comes to mind at all. we in the protestant church have largely missed out on this amazing way to encounter God when we rejected all things catholic (or orthodox) and leaned too far in the separation from those before us in the body, largely championed by luther. all contemplative prayer really is, is using the word of God to encounter God and have a revelation of Jesus in our hearts. this was what the desert fathers spent their lives on and what has been termed by some as christian mediation - instead of an emptying of the mind it is a filling of the mind on a single focus, a single passage of the Bible, or a single revelation of Jesus in the word.

we are in the midst of building a house of prayer under the covering of bethel church currently called the watch of the Lord (website to come soon!). this house of prayer looks much like the international house of prayer in kansas city and blends corporate intercession, devotional prayer and worship, and contemplative prayer to bless and build up the body of Christ in our region. i had the opportunity to teach a mini lesson on contemplative prayer this week to the fifth grade class at bethel christian school in order to start training them up to take part actively in our growing house of prayer. i am going to share here what i shared with them.

i am going to lay out here for you the four very basic steps of contemplative prayer. i am sure many of you are much more versed in this than i am and could teach this in much more depth and revelation. i also know there are those reading who may not have the guts to ask, how do i do that? so, hence, the simple four steps here as either an intro or a refresher in contemplative prayer.

1. read the passage.
this i like to do aloud. i will usually take a passage that is intended to bring revelation of Jesus, such as colossians 1 that focuses on His divinity or philippians 2 that exalts His humility. the psalms are also a great place to start as well, as many of them are written by king david as he reflected on God's activity in His life. many psalms also give us so much prophesy about the Messiah who is Jesus of nazareth. i will first read the passage in its entirety to give me context for what i will be praying. even alone in my room i will read it aloud. there is something that engages my heart on a deeper level when my ears can hear my mouth declaring the truths in the Scriptures.

2. ask the Lord, what does this mean?
this i usually do quietly, though there has been times when i will speak the question aloud to the Lord, what is this trying to tell me about You? then be quiet and listen. at this point i may isolate a phrase at a time and i allow for the Holy Spirit to not only give me a revelation of Jesus (ephesians 1:17), but also a very personal revelation of Jesus and His interactions with me. the Bible says that when we gaze on His beauty we are changed into His likeness (2 corinthians 3:18). this is my opportunity to quiet my heart from the busyness of life all around me and gaze upon Him. one thing that i am reminded of often is when Jesus rebuked the pharisees saying they searched the scriptures for eternal life, but they didn't realize that all the Scriptures spoke of Him. (john 5:39) what an amazing statement! i want to have a deeper revelation of Jesus in any passage i read from the old testament or the new because that is what Jesus promised us - they exist to bring revelation of Him!

3. pray or sing the passage.
this next step i do aloud every time. whether it is a whispered prayer or a song sung at the top of our lungs, it is so important to put this on our lips. i will take the literal words in the Bible,then also expand on it in my own words, and sing God's word back to Him. when i taught the 5th grade students, who did amazing by the way, i used psalms 23. i isolated the first 2 verses first and sang (this can be done with or without an instrument), Lord, You are my shepherd. i shall not be in want. You are the One who leads me and guides me. You protect me. You guide me and i do not need to fear that i will not know the way. You are my shepherd and You take care of me. i may spend a long time on the isolated verse and let the Lord work it into my heart until i begin to really believe it. i may spend my whole prayer time in just the first couple verses or i may get through the whole passage praying and singing it. this just varies based on the revelation i am getting in the moment or the time i have to spend in it.

i want to encourage everyone to venture in singing the passage back to the Lord. i know that everyone wasn't blessed with the rockstar voices that others were, but when you are alone in the car or shower i know you sing without restraint. don't deny it. so, slip away into a place where you can be alone for a bit and try it. there is something so powerful about singing and putting words to a melody. when i was young and in grade school i struggled in spelling. my dad and mom would make up a melody to practice my spelling words and it cemented the correct spellings in my mind where mere repetition didn't seem to stick. think of how many lyrics to songs you have memorized, even commercials on tv, and yet how many Scriptures do you have by memory? probably the ones you can recall the fastest are the ones you have heard put to music and made into lyrics of songs. my point exactly. sing the Scripture and it will stick. pray it too, but try the singing. i trust you will like it.

4. ask the Holy Spirit to make this alive to your heart.
when i am wrapping up my time in contemplative prayer i say a short whispered prayer, Holy Spirit make this alive in my heart. i want to know Jesus. it doesn't have to be fancy, just let Him know you want to grow in revelation and want your heart to come alive when you open the Word of God.

it may feel a little clumsy at first when you try it out, but i strongly urge you - try it out! when we have new people join the watch of the Lord usually after singing on their first set they all say, my heart felt alive! it can do the same for you. the Bible should never be boring. if it is, there is something in us that needs to change and this is such a great tool to have our hearts change from the inside out. try it today.

charis

a call to anguish

here is a short video that a friend of mine sent today to look at by david wilkerson. very worth the seven and a half minutes. i would love to hear your thoughts in a comment below.



Charis

the glory of a wasted life

yesterday i took the time to listen once again to one of my favorite mike bickle teachings of all times - the glory of a wasted life. mike gave this teaching over 20 years ago on mary of bethany, and its powerful truths are so worth the listen, and the re-listen, and refocus to a life of extravagant devotion to Jesus. in the midst of so much going on all around me, it is good to be reminded of my one thing of seeking the face of the Lord and keeping that the number one thing.

click here to go to a page on the ihop website where you can download this amazing teaching! you may have to look through the pages for it - i believe it is on page 6, 3rd teaching from the bottom - called mary of bethany.

prepared to be rocked! i would love your comments on what you get from it. enjoy big time!

charis

psalm 27

one thing i ask of the Lord...

i am a part of a house of prayer that is being built in redding, ca. part of our commitment of being involved is to spend time during the week in the particular passage of the Bible that we will be praying out of during our worship/prayer set. i was so happy when the leader of the set i am on let me know that we were focusing on psalm 27 this week! this particular psalm is so near and dear to my heart that i just had to share a little about it and its significance to me.

first of all, my Bible, a nasb version, has a title underneath the psalm number: a psalm of fearless trust in God. a psalm by david. i have struggled with fear so much in my life. there was a point in my life, as a child, where i was plagued by nightmares so much so that i would lay in bed, and by my mom's advice i would quote Bible passages about fear, sing worship songs to God, and "change the channel" in my mind of what i was thinking about. when i was 14 years old, two of my close teenage cousins died on new year's eve in a terrible car accident drowning in 6-8 inches of water. this, as well as many other deaths of classmates, friends, and loved ones, uncovered a fear of death as well that was always just below the surface. i also have struggled greatly with the fear of man (the approval and acceptance of people over the approval and acceptance of God). this last struggle was so great it was debilitating at times to even being comfortable in my own skin. i felt many times as if i was acting a role in a play about someone else and was afraid that if i took of the "mask" i put on, i would be rejected as soon as people knew who i really was inside.

fear in these areas, as well as others, was an incredible struggle. i longed for freedom from fear, and i would look to the Word of God to find hope of one day being free from the fear that sometimes felt like such bondage that it kept me awake at night and gave my mind no peace. i underlined every scripture i could find in the Bible that had to do with fear and overcoming fear. one passage that became very near to my heart was psalm 27, both for the reason of what it says in regards to overcoming fear and because its author, king david, successfully overcame this struggle in his life over the fear of death and the fear of man.

psalm 27 - niv

the Lord is my light and my salvation-- whom shall i fear? the Lord is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall i be afraid?
when evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will i be confident.
one thing i ask of the Lord, this is what i seek: that i may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.
for in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.
then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at His tabernacle will i sacrifice with shouts of joy; i will sing and make music to the Lord.
hear my voice when I call, O Lord; be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, "seek His face!" your face, Lord, i will seek.
do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. do not reject me or forsake me, o God my Savior.
though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.
teach me your way, o Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.
do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence.
i am still confident of this: i will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

how do i get this victory over fear? it is in the one thing. this is the journey i am on: to seek the face of God, to behold His beauty, to dwell in His house, and I will be forever changed. no matter what else happens - if i am attacked, rejected by those closest to me, if the very worst thing i can imagine really does come true i can be confident in the God i serve. there is no one else i can wait on in the worst of the worst to be faithful to me but this One; He promises that i will see His goodness in this life and what a peace that hope brings!

this psalm is so close to my heart that when i found out that i was having a second baby boy, (i have three boys now), i asked the Lord what his name was supposed to be. the Lord has just broken through a huge battle with the fear of death after my 1st son was born and we nearly lost him when he was only a couple hours old and i had some personal health scares at the same time. while i was praying over my soon to be baby's name, the Lord pointed me back to this psalm that i know by memory. He spoke to me in my mind, like a clear voice that i could hear inside but not with my physical ears, "the Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall i fear?" i thought of a hebrew boy's name i had heard of, uriah, and felt compelled to find out what it actually meant. when i looked it up, i found that uriah meant the Lord is my light. i knew that this baby was called to be have a fearless trust in God and he was to be my psalm 27 son - a constant reminder that the Lord had given me victory over the battle with fear and that i could trust in His promise to see His goodness in this life. so, i named my 2nd child after this psalm.


i know there is so much more i could share about the context of this psalm in the life of king david or about the meanings of some of the hebrew words that would make it come alive, but for now i will leave you with my story. we have an opportunity to chose to wait on a God who is faithful when no man is faithful. Jesus made a way for a relationship with the very Creator God of the universe who never lies though men may lie. we have a choice to look at our circumstances and be frozen fear or look to a God who said He would be our light and our salvation if we would only chose to live or Him instead of for ourselves. i choose this one thing of seeking Him today, and i will choose it again tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. He is the only hope i have in this life.

charis

living water

they drink their fill of the abundance of Your house; and You give them to drink of the river of Your delights. for with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light. psalm 36:8-9

blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand
in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. but his delight is in
the law of the Lord, and on His law He meditates day and night. he is like
a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose
leaf does not wither. whatever he does prospers. not so are the
wicked! they are like chaff that the wind blows away. therefore the
wicked will not stand in the judgement, nor sinners in the assembly of the
righteous. for the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way
of the wicked will perish. psalm 1

i desire You Lord. i thirst for you like the deer thirsts for the fresh water. may my roots go deep, like a tree planted by the waters - Your living waters of life where i will never thirst again for anything but You. You satisfy me. You complete me. You are my delight and my source of true life. may i be forever ruined for any counterfeit of You.

may my roots go down deep that i would not be moved by the seasons of life. You said that storms will come and the winds will blow, but give me deep roots that i would not be moved. may i be anchored in the fountain of all life.

Jesus you said,

if you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you
would have asked Him and He would have given you living water... everyone who drinks this water I give him will never thirst. indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. john 4:10, 13-14

and your promises are true! i drink again today from your rivers of delight. i love You Lord. may we encounter You.

charis

why do we pray?

prayer.

it is interesting how many different things come to mind to so many different people with one word. because there are so many different opinions on this one enormous topic, i wanted to share some thoughts i wrote down a couple months ago when posed with a question about the effectiveness of prayer. it made me start thinking a lot about what is the real reason we pray. here are my thoughts.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

december 1, 2008

prayer:

the question was recently posed to me, what if you spend months, even years, in prayer for something only to find out later that you already had the answer or the breakthrough you were asking for and did not realize it? would that time in prayer have been wasted time which could have been used to pray for something else that there is not yet breakthrough in? i believe the answer is no.

i guess it all comes down to the question, why do we pray? do we pray to get answers? or, do we pray to encounter God?

of course i would like to hear that answers to my prayers. of course i want to see breakthrough in areas i struggle in, such as fasting and taming my tongue, or that the larger body of Christ needs breakthrough in such as healing of diseases like cancer or AIDS. but, if i later find i have contended for breakthrough for something i already possessed and did not realize it, or even if i contend for years and never see the breakthrough i seek, i did encounter God along the way? prayer is not a means to an end. prayer is the end.

God restrained Himself to partner with man in releasing His kingdom here on earth because He longed for the relationship that partnership would bring. God is a God of relationship. we can see this all the way back in the beginning in genesis:

let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over... all the earth... (gen. 1:26)

God both has relationship with Himself in the Trinity and longs for relationship with man - to walk with us in the cool of the evening. could He have ruled over the creatures and the earth Himself? of course He could, but He chose to partner with us in relationship.

in prayer my agenda may be to get something, but His agenda is to get all of me. however that looks, however long it takes, He will take full possession of my heart and have all of me. if i approach my prayer life simply as a "to do list," i will be continually disappointed. i will look to my "accomplishments" in prayer, and not to the One who is waiting there to encounter me in a way i can never be encountered by anyone else. He longs to know me fully, an have me know Him fully.

do not worry about what you will pray for - just pray. come to the table and commune with Him. share the burdens of your heart. share the thoughts on your mind. pour out your alabaster bottle at His feet and as the aroma pours over Him, it cannot help but pour over you as well. others may see it as a waste - something that could have been used to further the Kingdom of God or kingdoms of men if used the right way (time, petition, money, influence...) but He sees it as a worthy sacrifice that He will not turn away.

the path of God will always look foolish to the outside observer - even those who are following Him themselves. why? so we will choose Him above all others and above the esteem of man.

charis