awaken our hearts

i have been reading the song of solomon again lately and i have been struck with this thought:  i cannot even desire to love Him without Him giving me the desire.  without His beckoning and imparting the grace for me to desire, i would live my life in cold apathy.  in order for me to even realize that i am not experiencing the fullness of life, He must come and awaken my heart and open up my eyes. 

so many times i find myself like the young bride in the song of solomon.  i do have that initial desire that He has given me, but i get so caught up in life that i find myself grasping for the comfort of my routines and slumber (sometimes figurative and sometimes quite literal).  often i need that gentle kick in the pants to go seek Him out. 

i was asleep but my heart was awake. a voice! my Beloved was knocking: 'open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my perfect one! for my head is drenched with dew, my locks with the damp of the night.'
"i have taken off my dress, how can i put it on again? i have washed my feet, how can i dirty them again?" song of solomon 5:2-3

so many times i have that initial desire - even though i am lulled to sleep by the rush and churning all around me, deep down my heart is awakened to love Him.  yet i cannot muster up the motivation to go to Him even when He comes to me.  the cares of this life, good and bad, lull me to sleep and it is so hard to get myself to come out of it.  how i wish i had the strength of will and courage to follow through on my desires for Jesus every time.  but so many many times i do not follow through.  so many times none of us do.

but here is the amazing part:  He keeps coming back to call us to Himself.  you see, there is a difference between rebellion and immature love.  He is so faithful to seek me even in my rebellion.  what i am suffering from is not rebellion.  i am simply immature in my love for Him.   i have the initial desire to love Him, but i do not have the strength to carry this love out. 

the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. matthew 26:41

if He is faithful to seek me even in my rebellion, how much more faithful is He to come to me again and again in my immaturity.  He awakens this love inside until it is not only a warm feeling when He draws near, but a blazing fire of active mature love.  here is the good news:  He is faithful in my weakness.  He is there to make me strong.  not strong in the independent "i can take care of myself" type of false strength.  strong in the dependent, "who is this coming out of the wilderness leaning on her Beloved" type of strength that draws curiosity from all onlookers.

immediately after my lazy excuse to not pursue Him whom my heart loves, He comes once again:

my Beloved extended His hand through the opening, 
and my feelings were aroused for Him. 
song of solomon 5:4

this time i am stirred to get up but He is gone.  yet again, this is exactly the beauty of His love.  He will do what it takes to bring me to higher and higher levels of real love, even if it means removing His immediate warm fuzzy feeling presence for a short season.  if i can love Him when the warm fuzzies aren't present, i am starting to learn what is real love.  He does not withdraw Himself forever.  He always returns to His bride whose heart yearns for Him.

i will leave you with a mike bickle quote that comes back to mind over and over again when i think about the trials of life that draw me to the Lord, even the withdrawing of His nearness for a time.

God uses the least severe means possible
to bring forth the greatest amount of love 
at the deepest level.

awaken our hearts that we might love You.

charis

a good read

i don't have anything profound to write. we have been gone on a little family get away before school starts up again on monday, and we have been through quite the week and a half - both extremes of heartache and grief and joy and laughter. i haven't had time to process. still working through it all.

i just wanted to encourage everyone to read the life of king david (1 and 2 samuel, 1 chronicles, and most of the psalms). i am sure that many people have read it before, but it is worthy of a re-read if it has been longer than 6 months since you last visited the story. if you have never had the opportunity to study him much, it is the most exciting story filled with passion, adventure, betrayal, and promise. the story is told in 1 and 2 samuel and 1 chronicles while david's thoughts and heart overflow in the middle (like his blog if you will) is in the psalms.


it is amazing to see this man that God called the man after His own heart who made many many mistakes and yet was humble and repentant. every time i go back to study him again, i learn something new and he is such an amazing model of how i can live a life pleasing to the Lord and how to hold my heart in real life. also, mike bickle has a couple great teaching series on the life of david. i have listened to 2 different series: one was a 20 part series and the other was 12 part. so so so rich! you can download it for free at this link: san jose house of prayer enjoy! i would love to hear what you gain from studying this great man of God whose throne will be established forever and whom the Lord called beloved.

charis

the glory of a wasted life

yesterday i took the time to listen once again to one of my favorite mike bickle teachings of all times - the glory of a wasted life. mike gave this teaching over 20 years ago on mary of bethany, and its powerful truths are so worth the listen, and the re-listen, and refocus to a life of extravagant devotion to Jesus. in the midst of so much going on all around me, it is good to be reminded of my one thing of seeking the face of the Lord and keeping that the number one thing.

click here to go to a page on the ihop website where you can download this amazing teaching! you may have to look through the pages for it - i believe it is on page 6, 3rd teaching from the bottom - called mary of bethany.

prepared to be rocked! i would love your comments on what you get from it. enjoy big time!

charis