don't give up

i have only 3 words for today: don't give up.

sometimes that is all i need to hear:  i need someone to look me straight in the eyes when i feel the world spinning around me and i start to doubt myself, God, and everyone else, and hear him/her say, don't give up.

remember the story (don't know if it is true or not, but still a great story either way) of king solomon asking a master jeweler to make him a ring and to inscribe it with a proverb.  when the jeweler finally got the ring back to the king after taking great pains to make it just right, he inscribed on it, this too shall pass.  in the amazing seasons of life when we feel like we are on the top of the world, we need the knowledge that this will not last forever to keep us sober minded and trusting God.  in the dark seasons where it feels like we cannot last another day without looking for a way out, we need to know that this also will not last forever so we will not lose hope, quit right before the breakthrough, but keep trusting God. 

the apostle paul knew this tendency in all of us and wrote to two separate churches a similar message:

let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.  galatians 6:9

but as for you, brethren, do not grow weary of doing good.  2 thesalonians 3:13

 how do we keep going on this journey?  this weekend i heard julie meyer put it in these words as she described the journey of climbing the mountain of holiness that sometimes seems just an impossible feat.  she said, day by day, step by step, choice by choice, yes by yes.   sometimes it is simply the smallest yes in our hearts that counts in this journey we have embarked on to know the Lord and live this life we have before us.  so i urge you, my friend, whatever it is you are facing in your particular journey in climbing this mountain...

don't give up.

charis

my heart aches

i am sad and feel a heaviness. there has been so struggle with sickness and death around me - hard hard things happening to people i love and care about. i press in for breakthrough, but oftentimes those closest, like those in my church family, haven't seemed to have the breakthrough yet that people get when they travel far distances to get prayer for healing at bethel.

it makes me sad. a family in our church lost their baby in childbirth this last weekend. i have one of my closest friends fighting for her husband's life in a struggle with a very evil disease. i think about my grandpa who fought a terrible battle with cancer believing the entire time for his healing here on earth. i miss my grandpa. he is a good good man of God who would be so great to talk to right now as i struggle with these things that weigh heavy on my heart. he would have so much wisdom to point me towards the Lord. his death has been a seed that has stirred me to fight for breakthrough in healing in those around me.

there was a prophesy back in kansas city in the 80s, i believe, that "no disease known to man would stand before this people of prayer." as i pour my life into building the house of prayer in redding, i have this word written on my heart. there will be a day when every disease will bow to the name of Jesus and it will be here in this life. i press in for this day to come quickly.

as my heart aches, i turn towards the Lord. i remember the verses of david in psalms 84 about the sparrow and how she has even found a home near the courts of the Lord - the place where His glory dwells. i feel the longing that david wrote about. in the questions and pain i am feeling i seek to be found hidden in the presence of the One who is the answer, who is life. where else can i go to find hope and courage and the love of God that strengthens my inner man to stand and endure?

surely our griefs He Himself bore,
and our sorrows He carried;
yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
smitten of God, and afflicted.
but He was pierced through for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
the chastening for our well-being fell upon Him,
and by His scourging we are healed. isaiah 53:4-5

draw me unto You, oh Lord. i ache for You. i am in need of Your touch. for You are the fountain of all life, and in Your light we see light. psalm 36:9 just one touch from You and we will never be the same.

charis

fasting part 1

fasting part 1

first of all, i am by no means the expert on fasting. i actually have a favorite book about fasting that i have loaned out more times than i can count... i may actually have to buy a second copy so that i have one around here to refer to when i am needing it. the one book i have read that makes the lifestyle of fasting very simple is the rewards of fasting by mike bickle and dana candler. for just under $10, you can have a great resource to refer to and, i promise, pass on if you are like me and are wanting to start this journey but get overwhelmed by all the connotations the word fasting brings with it.

that disclaimer aside, i would like to take a couple blog entries to talk a bit about fasting. though i do not have the experience i would like to have much authority on the subject, i would like to do what i have promised to on this blog and share a bit about my journey.

i do not remember how old i was when i went on my first fast, but i know that i was in my early teens. i remember seeing a flyer at church, back in the "old bethel" for those of you who can even remember that far back, and it was a corporate fast someone in the christian world was calling. i talked to my mom about it and decided to give it a try. no, i did not do a 40 day water fast. i can't even remember at this point what i decided to fast or how long i lasted, it was probably very very simple and short, but i know that was when the seed was planted.

since then, i have done different corporate fasts, such as the 1st 40 days of 2000, in which while i was on a juice fast (a senior in college, mind you, with a very full load - it is possible to do as a student, i promise!) when i was healed of very uncomfortable lactose intolerance while fasting. i was privileged to participate some of these amazing corporate fasts at a young age, many called by lou engle, who i personally consider one of my spiritual fathers after going to harvest rock church in pasadena, ca, where he was on staff with che ahn while i was in college at azusa pacific university. i also would fast when contending for a breakthrough in some area of my life or in prayer for breakthrough in others lives such as healing. i had such a habit of fasting before making big decisions, that i have often shared with people when telling bill and my "story" that i fasted 3 days before telling him that i had feelings for him.

i do not say all that so you will think i am an expert faster. not at all! many times in college i was tired, stressed from all the balancing of classes, homework, jobs, activities, and other stuff that i would fail time and time again in my fasting pursuits. many times i would begin a fast in the morning to end it around lunchtime. sometimes i would decided to fast a week and make it a day and a half... i say that to encourage any one who is desiring to fast, but feels like they are a failure. i actually approached the Lord about this when i was really struggling with the times that i did terrible at making it through the time frames i had set for myself. i felt like He encouraged me that He saw the desire of my heart to seek Him in this part of my walk with Him and He was okay with me learning.

now that i am a parent i think of when each of my kids decided that they wanted to learn how to walk. i did not get frustrated and upset with them when they would fall down. i was not hard on them when they were afraid to let go of the table to take that first step. i was delighted with their desire to learn! i did not focus on the times they "messed up" in their journey because i was so delighted by their desire to try! our youngest son, david, decided to start walking the day before thanksgiving. we were laughing, taking pictures, helping him up when he fell, and getting him started again - it was an amazing time!what an encouragement it is to my insecure heart when Jesus said,

if you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him! matthew 7:11

so, even with a history that goes back half of my life in learning how to fast, it was not until recently that i started a new leg of my journey of fasting - the fasted lifestyle Jesus spoke of in the sermon on the mount. i would love to expound in a later post about the different types of fasting, but i just want to take a bit to touch on fasting in secret.

in matthew 6 Jesus taught on the different elements of a fasted lifestyle and i am so intrigued by what He said about the issue of fasting food:

whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites {do,} for they neglect their appearance so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting. truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face so that your fasting will not be noticed by men, but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees {what is done} in secret will reward you.

first of all, it is so interesting to me that He was talking to a group of people, the jews, who were very familiar with corporate fasts. some of the feasts the jews celebrate throughout the year actually have corporate fasting connected to them. however, this was not the fasting He was talking about. this type of fasting, i believe, is the fasting He was referring to when the pharisees approached Him with questions about why His disciples feasted while the disciples of john the baptist fasted. Jesus answered that His disciples did not fast while He was with them, but what He said next was very interesting:

but {the} days will come; and when the Bridegroom is taken away from them, then they will fast in those days. luke 5:35

i believe Jesus was talking about our generation and the day that we live in. this was the type of fasting He was speaking of in the sermon on the mount when He urged them to fast in secret in order to have a reward.

there is so much to this type of fasting that is new to me and to many people who are mostly familiar with the long extended fasts or corporate fasts! for one, it is about having a habit of regular fasting fit into one's lifestyle. i have heard mike bickle say that any healthy adult can safely fast 2 days every week! i am here to tell you that even pregnant and nursing moms can modify a fast, making it even a juice fast, to safely fast 1 day a week. this is something we can do! i will go into the why more at a different time, but i want to say again: this is something we can do! will we mess up? yes! many, many times. i do not think the fact that we mess up along the way is a reason to not start this journey that has a promised reward from the Father at the end. Jesus said, when you fast... He was not speaking to those who did not have the Holy Spirit. He was talking to us! we have the Holy Spirit... but was are still waiting for Jesus Himself to come back and place His feet on the mount of olives for real. that has not happened yet, for the apostles encouraged the church that we would not miss it and would know when it happened. so, this is our opportunity to fast out of our desire for more of Him and for His imminent return to reign on the earth in the most real interpretation of that promise! i get excited even writing about it!

as i promised, i will break this up so it is not too long to read in one sitting. what i want to leave you with right now is this: fasting in secret is for our generation. Jesus not only prophesied that it would happen when He was to be absent from us, but promised us a reward from the Father if we would enter into it. fasting is hard, but it is a journey. you can do it! i promise you will mess up. if you are anything like me, you will eat a spoonful of peanut butter while making your kids their lunch and then remember you were supposed to be fasting. whoops! it will sound like such a great idea the night before; then 2 hours into it, it will sound like the biggest waste of time and pointless. i know that i have had every reason why i should not fast go through my head when i attempt to do it in secret; everything from that it is just "legalistic", whatever that really means, to it is not really good for my body and i need to take care of my body, or it is a bad day for it and maybe i will try tomorrow instead, or that it is pointless and nothing comes of it anyways... and more! we are all human and it is hard for all of us, but i want that reward that Jesus promises, i want my Bridegroom to return, and i want to be the type of bride that He desires to come back to with a heart that is tender from choosing voluntary weakness like He did.

more later, but be encouraged! this is a very good journey. let go of the table a take a little step. you delight His heart.

click here to read fasting part 2

charis

why do we pray?

prayer.

it is interesting how many different things come to mind to so many different people with one word. because there are so many different opinions on this one enormous topic, i wanted to share some thoughts i wrote down a couple months ago when posed with a question about the effectiveness of prayer. it made me start thinking a lot about what is the real reason we pray. here are my thoughts.

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december 1, 2008

prayer:

the question was recently posed to me, what if you spend months, even years, in prayer for something only to find out later that you already had the answer or the breakthrough you were asking for and did not realize it? would that time in prayer have been wasted time which could have been used to pray for something else that there is not yet breakthrough in? i believe the answer is no.

i guess it all comes down to the question, why do we pray? do we pray to get answers? or, do we pray to encounter God?

of course i would like to hear that answers to my prayers. of course i want to see breakthrough in areas i struggle in, such as fasting and taming my tongue, or that the larger body of Christ needs breakthrough in such as healing of diseases like cancer or AIDS. but, if i later find i have contended for breakthrough for something i already possessed and did not realize it, or even if i contend for years and never see the breakthrough i seek, i did encounter God along the way? prayer is not a means to an end. prayer is the end.

God restrained Himself to partner with man in releasing His kingdom here on earth because He longed for the relationship that partnership would bring. God is a God of relationship. we can see this all the way back in the beginning in genesis:

let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over... all the earth... (gen. 1:26)

God both has relationship with Himself in the Trinity and longs for relationship with man - to walk with us in the cool of the evening. could He have ruled over the creatures and the earth Himself? of course He could, but He chose to partner with us in relationship.

in prayer my agenda may be to get something, but His agenda is to get all of me. however that looks, however long it takes, He will take full possession of my heart and have all of me. if i approach my prayer life simply as a "to do list," i will be continually disappointed. i will look to my "accomplishments" in prayer, and not to the One who is waiting there to encounter me in a way i can never be encountered by anyone else. He longs to know me fully, an have me know Him fully.

do not worry about what you will pray for - just pray. come to the table and commune with Him. share the burdens of your heart. share the thoughts on your mind. pour out your alabaster bottle at His feet and as the aroma pours over Him, it cannot help but pour over you as well. others may see it as a waste - something that could have been used to further the Kingdom of God or kingdoms of men if used the right way (time, petition, money, influence...) but He sees it as a worthy sacrifice that He will not turn away.

the path of God will always look foolish to the outside observer - even those who are following Him themselves. why? so we will choose Him above all others and above the esteem of man.

charis