Monday, October 13, 2014

day 13: my marriage advice

*it is ironic that i was already half done writing this post when i got into a dramatic disagreement with my husband. (note: all the drama and most the disagreeing was coming from me). interesting how the Lord will often test if we are willing to walk out the message we feel He is giving us to share with others. 

i am thankful for my husband. he is a good man, not perfect, but a man who loves the Lord who i like to have around.

i am going to resist from telling you all the things that are "not so perfect" about my husband when you and i hang out and have coffee together. this isn't because he is a flawless creature. it seems that it is more popular to tell our girlfriends all the things that are annoying about our husband. "he doesn't do this... i hate it when he does that... we are just going through such a hard time (all the time)..." inevitably hearing this reminds us about the things that annoy us about our husbands too, and we women can be quick to join in the complaining. i have been at girls' nights when i left feeling slightly sick to my stomach from all the complaining i heard about the husbands hoping that men don't talk with the same freedom of tongue that their wives do.

listen, we have had our share of tough marriage times. i am not in some perpetual blissful ignorance of marital woes. i do think, however, it isn't the wisest thing to blast it all over social media or to all my girlfriends. this isn't for the sake of how we appear in our marriage - no, this is for the health of my own soul and for the health of my marriage.

there are reasons a woman falls in love with a man and chooses to vow her life to be by his side. yet, in the middle of conflict or stressful times it can be hard to remember why we like this person we are walking with through life. we are too quick to forget the good things when the hard things are clamoring loudly for our attention.

even when we do appreciate different traits or aspects of our husbands, we don't share them out loud like maybe we should. yet, don't you agree that if you heard someone sharing about the parts of her husband that she is still attracted to, it could have a similar chain reaction effect as the complaining does?

i was thinking in light of this writing challenge... what if i committed every day for a month to tell someone something i really liked about my husband. how do you think my heart and perspective would be at the end of that month? by focusing on what my husband is doing right and on his strengths, my whole attitude would be vastly different than if i spent the month grumbling and complaining about all his flaws.

paul wrote to the philippian church:
finally, brothers and sisters, 
whatever is true, whatever is noble, 
whatever is right, whatever is pure, 
whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable
—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—
think about such things. phil 4:8
giving thanks changes our hearts and nourishes our souls.

what we focus on colors the lens with which we view life.

even if i didn't commit for 31 days to focusing on what i like and love about my husband, but just became more purposeful in thinking on the things that are lovely, the things that are admirable especially in the heated moments, would it soften my heart to believe the best and apologize and forgive quickly?

my marriage advice is do as paul said to the philippians, but apply it to your marriage. give thanks in your marriage. i know i need to do this more myself as i want a vibrant marriage and a vibrant heart. so, let me take a moment to practice what i preach.

5 things that are lovely and admirable about my husband:

1. he is a really good daddy. he spends time with our kids. when he disciplines our boys, he takes the time to connect to their hearts and shepherd them instead of just punishing a behavior. it is beautiful.

2. he is good about telling me often that he thinks i am pretty. i am freshly not the only girl in this house and sometimes as a girl you just need to know that your outfit is cute and that you are having a good hair day.

3. he is a hard worker. we live in a house built in the 50's and so it has both charm and older house issues frequently. he spent 25 hours a week ago fixing a plumbing problem that had a domino effect of issues. i didn't hear him really complain except with humor trying to laugh about it.

4. he is a man of prayer. he wakes early in the morning to spend time with the Lord. i am not an early riser and i really admire how he gets up before the sun to pray.

5. he has a really cute smile. it is one of my favorite things about him from the moment i met him.

what is something you can give thanks for about your 
husband that you could share?
want to read more about marriage? click here to read my whole series.


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