50

today is a special day for my blog - this is the 50th post!  i guess i actually stuck with it long enough to get this far, which is really cool and in a way totally rewarding.  i am no further on the book i am writing than when i began, other than narrowing down my topic, but i feel so much more ready to write.  hey, i am writing!  this may not be a book, but i am putting so much into words that i did not have words for before.  what an amazing, and at times scary, experience this has been so far.

writing is a strange thing.  it is a great way to process all the thoughts and emotions that swirl around inside behind the frame of me that people can see, but it is at the same time scary for the very same reason.  writing is so vulnerable because it exposes the very raw and intimate parts of oneself and sometimes i am not sure how much i want exposed. writing for me is part of the processing of life.  i have found that sometimes words spill out onto the page that were not well thought out, but were the only way i could momentarily relieve some of the building pressure inside.  i have at times looked back at what i have written and only understood it in the larger context of knowing the surrounding events at that time of my life.  written words have served as markers for points of my life and i am taken right back to the very context in which they are written even reading them again many years down the road.

and yet there are times when i have been going through sometime very hard in life and i have found that i have stopped writing in my journal, for sometimes quite large stretches of time, because i am afraid for even my own eyes to have a glimpse of the true state of my soul.  imagine that dynamic to be ten times worse in blogging when the realization hits that who knows how many people's eyes will have a window to something i can't even bear to look upon myself.  as great as processing may be, how much do i want to expose to anyone who may stumble across my way and how much access am i willing to give to my heart? 

that is not to say that every time i am not writing regularly that i am walking through hard stuff because i have found myself to be just as  negligent in writing during the really good times.   i often rely on my memory to soak up all the joy and bliss in situations and fail to realize that i could immortalize that feeling to revisit forever if i would only take the time to put it into written words.  how quickly my memory fades, even as much as i would like to remember every last detail of those wow experiences. 

and now, as i have managed to remain completely vague while trying to express the feelings i have inside after hitting the big 50 mark on this blog.  hopefully it is not just a bunch of nonsense thrown out there when i hit publish.

here is to 50 posts.  may there be 50 more to come that share a window into me while i walk the journey laid out ahead. 

charis

realigning

i haven't blogged in a long time it seems. asher, my oldest, started kindergarten two weeks ago, and the learning of this new routine has totally thrown me off. i haven't quit though - i promise i have been pondering some good stuff to write on. in fact, two weeks ago i finally felt some direction in what i am going to write my future book on! this was very encouraging to me because i have felt like i was supposed to write a book and i have so many topics that interest me but i haven't had any clear direction of what i was to focus on. i have a focus!! yay! i am sure that i will use this blog to start organizing some of my thoughts... so you all get to benefit from me deciding to take on this endeavor of writing. here is food for thought: i know we have all have experienced at some point the place of being busy beyond what we probably should be and in a place where there are opportunities for activities, relationships, and ministry that seem to open up all in the same season. it is a very exciting season to be in, especially coming out of a season which seemed rather lonely and uneventful at times. as exciting as opportunity and activity is, at the same time it can be very overwhelming. in the desert lonely season we need to encourage ourselves in the word the Lord has given us as to the direction we are to go and the focus we are to maintain. in the exciting busy season season we need to do the same thing or we may lose focus of the very thing we have been told to focus on.

for me, i have to step away from the busy-ness and ask the Lord again, "what was it that you originally spoke to my heart at the beginning of this season? has it changed? have i got off track?" in the midst of the latest big transition in our lives as our little family, i had sat down at the piano to sing, pray, and ask the Lord what it was that He would have me do right now. i strongly felt Him whisper to my heart, "write." as i fill my calendar and schedule with so many good good things, i have to ask myself if i am making time to do what He spoke to my heart. and just like everyone else, i have to take time to realign and get back on track on the focus He has for this part of my journey.

all that to say, hopefully you will be reading more from me now that we have a new routine in place this fall. sometimes i sit down and honestly don't know what to write about. but i chose to obey and just write. i will do my part with the quantity and trust Him to refine the quality as He is working on my heart to become more fully His. thanks for taking this journey with me. though i would still write anyways, it is nice to know i do not write to an empty room.

charis

just some things i have been thinking about

i am just sharing some of my thoughts on what i have been reading in the Word. think of it as a peek into my prayer journal, if you will.

he who turns away his ear from listening to the law,
even his prayer is an abomination.
proverbs 28:9

this is an intense reality check when i consider that the focus of my life is encountering the Lord in prayer. on blueletterbible, one of my favorite bible study resources online (which is free to use by the way!), it has the strong's definition of the hebrew word for abomination as tow'ebah:

1) a disgusting thing, abomination, abominable

a) in ritual sense (of unclean food, idols, mixed marriages)

b) in ethical sense (of wickedness etc)

i got this following definition of the english word abomination from dictionary.com:

a⋅bom⋅i⋅na⋅tion

–noun

1.	anything abominable; anything greatly disliked or abhorred.

2.	intense aversion or loathing; detestation: He regarded lying with abomination.

3.	a vile, shameful, or detestable action, condition, habit, etc.: Spitting in public is an abomination.

Origin:

1350–1400

Synonyms:
2. hatred. 3. corruption, depravity.

in either the original language or the one i read the bible in, it is a pretty serious thing when my communication with God could even possibly be disgusting or corrupt. we all seem very aware of avoiding religion, but i find more mention of warning against lawlessness in the Bible than warning of religion. neither may be good, or at least not religion that is void of God, but it makes me think... i sure what to embrace what He calls important. it reminds me how Jesus Himself said He didn't come to abolish the law, but to fulfill it.

another passage that makes me think:

he who gives to the poor will never want,
but he who shuts his eyes will have many curses.
proverbs 28:27

here i sit in the middle of one of our justice sets at our house of prayer called the watch of the Lord, and it seems really appropriate. i am to love what He loves and hate what He hates. it is hard for me to look upon need and feel helpless to do much to change it, but His eyes never turn away. the poor and the needy move His heart. open my eyes Lord, that i would not turn away from what moves Your heart. You do not turn away.

one more just to chew on tonight:

an arrogant man stirs strife,
but he who trust in the Lord will prosper.
he who trusts in his own heart is a fool,
but he who walks wisely will be delivered.
proverbs 28:25-26

i want to anchor my trust in the One who is faithful and true. when i start to take my eyes off of Him and turn them onto my own ability and often my lack of strength, the end is always strife. but He is faithful to those who hearts belong to Him. wisdom is to fear the Lord. may my heart fear You above men or calamity.

charis

thinking of a change

so, i am just thinking about the possibility of switching my blog from blogger to wordpress. i haven't decided what to do yet, but i wanted to give all of you who follow a heads up that if i do choose to switch, you will lose your rss feed and will have to resubscribe. you will be able to keep going to http://www.charisscofield.com and see it there, but you will have to reconnect your rss feed.

as i said, i haven't decided, and if i do switch i will also post it here so everyone is aware. so, regardless if i change the format a bit, please keep coming back and checking for new posts. i have enjoyed blogging... it was something i kinda fell into, and i think it is great that i did. blogging has kept be disciplined in writing, and that is the one directional word that God gave me for this season: i am supposed to write. i plan on continuing for quite a while. thanks for being faithful readers! someday... a book.

charis

the discipline of writing

i sat down with my husband today over a wonderful lunch date at one of the best restaurants in town. i asked him, "what are you focusing on right now and what is God speaking to you right now?" he answered, "unfortunately, they are probably two different things." as he said this, i realized the same is true for myself.

a couple months ago, when i began this blog, i had a huge transition in my life; a complete shift in focus and direction, that i was completely unable to manipulate, took place and i knew God was putting a dead end in front of the path i was currently taking and telling me to take a sharp left-hand turn. as i sat down before the Lord at the piano, a place i seem to be able to hear Him more clearly sometimes, i felt Him speak very clearly to my heart that i was entering into a season where He was asking me to write. you know those moments when the word of the Lord for your life seems so perfectly clear and you are so in the moment that if He said, "jump" you would say, "how high?!" you probably also are familiar with the feeling later when you try to describe what God was speaking in that moment with someone else and it sounds like complete foolishness.

when i was faced with losing my source of income, having God tell me to pursue one of my greatest buried passions, writing, made so much sense and filled me with hope and vision. the next day someone asked me the simple question, "so what are you going to do now?" when i responded that i was going to write, which has no promise of income, i felt so foolish. out of the God moment it didn't sound like such a brilliant idea.

so, as i sat today at lunch talking about what God has said and what i have actually been doing, i realized that though i have been writing i need to make more of a point to write even when i don't feel inspired. i want to start making a better disciple of writing merely as an act of obedience to the direction i have for now. i want to show up to the page even before i am inspired and expect the Holy Spirit to speak through me. i tend to get moody as an artistic person, but the best songs and books are written many times by simply writing and rewriting, not just having it just download in the moment.

i have in my heart to write many books, songs, and to have the Lord speak through me like the pen of a ready writer. thank you so much to those who faithfully read these and even comment at times... be ready to check back more often as i attempt to simply obey and write!

charis