simple woman's daybook 3.31.11

 

for today:

outside my window... beautiful blue skies.  i think it is supposed to be 86 today.  hail and freezing cold last week, 86 today.  i guess we don't mess around.

i am thinking... that when i am upset and feeling the swirl of emotions, that i should just restrain from opening my mouth.  what i want to do in the moment most of all is just let it flow and get it all out verbally, but it never really helps anything at all and usually just hardens my heart a little more.  i know taming the tongue is right, but it is not easy.  how painful it is to keep my mouth closed and just let the tears flow!  i am so not good at this. 

i am thankful... for a husband that reminds me of how i want to live instead of telling me that my reactions are justified.  i am also thankful that he is gentle in the way he reminds me.  i want to be encouraged towards the Lord, not towards more of my flesh.

remembering... His mercies are new every morning.  He is so faithful, even when i feel like my world is a mess.   

from the learning rooms... i feel like my sister is my all things creative teacher/coach.  i come from every conversation with her inspired to make something new. 

from the kitchen... my husband accidentally bought kidney beans instead of pinto beans and i am not a fan.  so, i found a recipe online to try and find a way i would eat kidney beans.  oh my goodness!  this red kidney bean dip from food network was amazing!  we will get use out of those beans after all!
 

i am wearing... jammies.  it seems i always write these in my jams.

i am creating... lots of fun items for my etsy shop.  what do you think of this crocheted flower headband?

i am having a great time creating for the daughter i never had.  (don't you love my model?!  ha!)

i am going... to a piano student's talent show tonight.  we have worked on a piece for it for the past 6 weeks - he is going to do amazing!

i am reading... the book of isaiah in my Bible reading challenge.  it is amazing how much of the prophesies of isaiah have yet to be fulfilled.  it feels like such an important book for the time we are living in.

i am hoping... our new idea for getting our #3 son to stay dry while sleeping is a success!

my sister made this amazing game board for kids.  she uses it for her girls with chores.  we already do a chore chart, so i thought i would use it here to help david remember to keep his diaper dry during nap and night time.  he has been potty trained during the day for a year, but is a deep sleeper.  every time he shows me a dry diaper after waking up, all three of the older boys (simeon isn't participating yet!) get to move their magnet forward a space.

there are treat spaces and when we reach the finish line we will take them all to chuck e cheese and david will get to sleep in undies!  the game reminds me a bit of candy land and she did all the graphic design for it - bright and colorful and kid friendly!

so far it has the older boys cheering him on.  you can buy your own game board at her etsy store.  she sold 4 within the first 24 hours of having them up (i got mine for free - that is what you get when you have a creative teacher/coach for a younger sister)!  if you decide you want one too, but in the purchase notes that you heard about it here on my blog!  thanks.
 

i am hearing... sweet baby talk from a sweet baby next to me.

around the house... we are doing a demo of a structure in our backyard.  it was a little building we had high hopes for when we first bought our house, but later found out was pretty much condemned by the city.  bummer.  well, now we are taking it down and instead going to have extra space in the yard and put some raised bed gardens in that area, since it is the only part of the yard that gets sun. 

  
one of my favorite things...watching my #3 son make the baby boy laugh and laugh.  i can tell they are going to be friends for life.

pondering... faith is the gaze of a soul upon a saving God.  a. w. tozer

a few plans for the rest of the week: well, hopefully the backyard demo will be finished.  i have to take #1 man-child to a dentist appointment today for another filling!  poor guy.  he was so nervous last time.  poor mama's wallet!  i get to watch a piano student perform for his talent show tonight.  not really sure about the weekend plans, but if the weather stays nice i am sure we will be outside soaking in the vitamin d.  how about you?

picture for the day:

here is the backyard demo after the guys pulled down the car port section with our jeep.  i think they are having too much fun with this.

here is where i am linked up for the simple woman's daybook.  

charis

the sweetness of mercy

the familiar picture of God as often torn between His justice and His mercy is altogether false to the facts. to think of God as inclining first toward one and then toward another of His attributes is to imagine a God who is unsure of Himself, frustrated and emotionally unstable, which of course is to say that the one of whom we are thinking is not the true God at all but a weak, mental reflection of Him badly out of focus. 
                                          a w tozer the knowledge of the holy

the beauty of the mercy of God is that i do not deserve it. i cannot earn it. i do not have to downgrade His holiness to receive it. He does not have to put His judgement on hold in order to move in mercy. His justice and mercy are in perfect unity.

i have been thinking about the lyrics to a song by luke wood, a friend of our out in kansas city, missouri serving as an intercessory missionary at the ihop base:

You have known our souls in adversity

when we strive against You

You extend Your hand time and time again

from the heights of glory to the depths of my heart

for You have bound Yourself to man

despite his unfaithfulness

You pour out mercy

You open Your heart

You pour out mercy

to reveal Your heart

all man's empty promises

lie broken at Your feet

but You have never broken one

You open up Your heart

time and time again

my favorite part of that song is in that last section, all man's empty promise lie broken at Your feet but You have never broken one. even though i have failed, continue to fail, and will fail again, He never fails. reminds me of numbers 23:19:

God is not a man, that He should lie, neither the son of man, that he should repent.

as much as i may desire to be righteous, apart from the righteousness of Jesus all the good things i do are filthy rags. i have heard descriptions on what the words filthy rags may be implying, and from what i understand it is not just like a dirty towel, but much more filthy if you understand without getting too descript. we have to repent of our good deeds just as much as from our bad ones.

it is a common temptation in the church in our generation to need to separate the God of israel of the old testament and the God of church in the new testament as two separate Gods. however, Jesus assured us when asked what was the greatest commandment that God is forever the same when He referred to the schema in deuteronomy 6: hear oh israel, the Lord our God is one God. i recently learned that the old testament speaks of the mercy of God more than 4 times as much as the new! He is the same God and to understand His mercy we need to keep the reality of His judgement and righteousness intact, not remove it. if God had to change in anyway in order to give me mercy i cannot rely on it for that would imply He could change at whim again away from mercy. i must believe that He is Himself the same always. tozer said it this way:

if we could remember that the divine mercy is not a temporary mood but an attribute of God's eternal being, we would no longer fear that it will someday cease to be.

God is and forever will be the same. His judgement doesn't stop in order to move in mercy, but He is fully every attribute of Himself at the same time without ever being in contradiction or compromise. tozer put it:

wherever and whenever God appears to men, He acts like Himself.

i have also found it common among those in our generation to downplay our sinful nature as humans in order to make God's goodness and mercy seem more attractive to the lost. do we realize how we cheapen the gospel or the love of God? to be able to to know the reality that i deserve the severity of His judgement because of the splendor of His holiness and righteousness that cannot be near a sinful creature such as myself, then i understand the humility it takes to receive the sweetness of His mercy towards me. if i cannot admit that i deserve judgement, then there is no hope in His mercy. to take a real look at the fact that because i am a man my promises lie broken at His feet, and to still know that He cannot ever lie or break His promise is the most sure hope that exists. even after the redemption of the cross of Jesus, i still need to reflect on my need for mercy, lest i take His sacrifice for granted or downgrade the enormity of my need for mercy. this is the journey towards humility.

and true humility, i believe, lies in the greatest commandment:

hear oh israel, the Lord your God is one God. and you shall love the Lord your God will all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

to embrace His oneness, to love with all and to cease to be fragmented in my affections toward Him... this is the journey i long to take.

charis

life of faith

in his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. proverbs 16:9

i have confirmed yet again a truth about myself - i am not a fan of change. i like the idea of change, but when change actually occurs, i find myself fighting it, resisting it, suddenly quite content with the prior circumstances i am changing from. the unknown. the mystery. the walking by faith and not by sight.

we have had much change in our lives in the past two weeks. God has shown Himself clearly to be the One to close the doors that no man can open, and i await Him opening the doors that no man can shut. smack in the middle of huge transition, so obviously orchestrated by God that anyone who hears the story in its entirety always are left excited for the possibilities that lay just around that upcoming corner for us, i find myself unsure of anything and everything around me. it is as if in my own personal life and surroundings He is shaking everything than can be shaken that i would learn to cling to the only One who remains unshakable: Jesus, our rock and our foundation.

at the start of 2009 i took a little time to ask the Lord what lay in store for us this year. i was relieved to say goodbye to 2008 and all that went with it - what i would say may have been the hardest year, or possibly tied by only one other, i have ever gone through. 2009 looked to be a year of new possibilities and as i asked the Lord for His perspective on what we were entering into, i felt Him encourage me that this was to be a year that i learned what it was to live by faith. i joked with my husband as i told Him of this that my response was, "but God! that means i will surely die, for i have so little faith!" it is always so interesting to me how we never know how much faith we really have gained in our lives until we are asked to live on it. what an encouragement that He said He could work with such small faith, as small as the smallest seed from the mustard plant, and use it to do seemingly impossible things.

how i needed this little "preview" to our year for what has transpired over the past couple weeks. because God spoke His word to me, when the shaking came i felt a real peace in the midst of the storm. i still have tears, uncertainties, questions, my own human doubts, but i know beyond any explanation that God is not only allowing my circumstances, but causing them for my good. the obvious involvement of God has grabbed my attention because i know He is good, and because of my commitment to love His Son Jesus He has promised to work all things together for my ultimate good and gain. His goodness far transcends my goodness or understanding and definitions of what is good; all He does is not only good but is the sum and source, the beginning and ending of goodness.

in reading the small, yet profound book, the knowledge of the Holy, by a. w. tozer, i find this wisdom:

to believe actively that our Heavenly Father constantly spreads around us providential circumstances that work for our present good and our everlasting well-being brings to the soul a veritable benediction. most of us go through life praying a little, planning a little, jockeying for position, hoping but never being quite certain of anything, and always secretly afraid that we will miss the way. this is a tragic waste of truth and never gives rest to the heart.

what rest i can find when i realize that He leads the way. He has promised that when i put myself under the leadership of Jesus, He will lead me to Himself. i cannot adequately express the burden i feel lift from my shoulders when i realize that it is not left up to me.

12 years ago, on a choir trip in great britain, i picked up a small greeting card in an old cathedral in wales that has brought me encouragement and perspective in the times when the path ahead of me feels dark and uncertain. the short verse written by an unknown author comes to mind:

God would not give the darkness,
if He thought we could handle the light.
but we would not cling to His guiding hand
if the way were always bright,
and we would not choose to walk by faith
could we always walk by sight.

and so, my journey of learning to live by faith begins. i suppose it really began back when i chose to start this life of following Jesus; however, this season i believe will mark a time in my life when i really learn the power, peace, and rest of walking by faith. as i cling to His hand i can rest in the fact that He knows my paths, as unfamiliar as they are to me, and will make what seems intimidating and rough ahead of me easy and smooth as i follow His lead.

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them,
and make the rough places smooth.
these are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.
Isaiah 42:16

He will not forsake me.

charis