Tuesday, June 2, 2009

my heart aches

i am sad and feel a heaviness. there has been so struggle with sickness and death around me - hard hard things happening to people i love and care about. i press in for breakthrough, but oftentimes those closest, like those in my church family, haven't seemed to have the breakthrough yet that people get when they travel far distances to get prayer for healing at bethel.

it makes me sad. a family in our church lost their baby in childbirth this last weekend. i have one of my closest friends fighting for her husband's life in a struggle with a very evil disease. i think about my grandpa who fought a terrible battle with cancer believing the entire time for his healing here on earth. i miss my grandpa. he is a good good man of God who would be so great to talk to right now as i struggle with these things that weigh heavy on my heart. he would have so much wisdom to point me towards the Lord. his death has been a seed that has stirred me to fight for breakthrough in healing in those around me.

there was a prophesy back in kansas city in the 80s, i believe, that "no disease known to man would stand before this people of prayer." as i pour my life into building the house of prayer in redding, i have this word written on my heart. there will be a day when every disease will bow to the name of Jesus and it will be here in this life. i press in for this day to come quickly.

as my heart aches, i turn towards the Lord. i remember the verses of david in psalms 84 about the sparrow and how she has even found a home near the courts of the Lord - the place where His glory dwells. i feel the longing that david wrote about. in the questions and pain i am feeling i seek to be found hidden in the presence of the One who is the answer, who is life. where else can i go to find hope and courage and the love of God that strengthens my inner man to stand and endure?

surely our griefs He Himself bore,
and our sorrows He carried;
yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
smitten of God, and afflicted.
but He was pierced through for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
the chastening for our well-being fell upon Him,
and by His scourging we are healed. isaiah 53:4-5
draw me unto You, oh Lord. i ache for You. i am in need of Your touch. for You are the fountain of all life, and in Your light we see light. psalm 36:9 just one touch from You and we will never be the same.



Daniel said...

Something Grandpa said - I believe the night before he went into a coma I wrote down. I knew I would have to remind myself of it from time to time.

A friend of his called him when he was upstairs in bed and though Grandpa could hardly talk - he asked him how his wife was, I believe that some hard things were going on with her health. As far as I know (and mom would know better since she told me what she had written down that night) he prayed with him and then said "Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes does it? But we can't sit back & ring our hands of it. We've got to fight because we know the God in whom we believe." It has always inspired me, knowing what he was going through and how sick he was when he said those words, that who he knew God to be never changed because of his circumstances.

Love you! I feel this with you.

charis said...

thank you nichole for sharing that on daniel's account. :) - i needed some of grandpa's wisdom and encouragement. he is a great man who is still alive and still encouraging me to love the Lord.

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