how's the fruit?

we were running late.  the baby was screaming though his diaper was clean and he was freshly nursed, shoelaces were needing to be tied, one child was still in the shower, dinner plates were strewn all over the kitchen with some still on the table, and my hair still up in the disheveled knot on the top of my head that had kept it out of my face during the early morning garage sale we held and the 2 soccer games we played in (well, i cheered at) immediately after.  one child yelled from the other room how he couldn’t find the matching shoe, another was digging in the basket of clean clothes that had sat in the living room corner all week trying to find socks, while one more ignored every effort to insist he get ready quickly.  and the phone kept incessantly ringing.

it was then, in the midst of the mounting pressure and decibel level in my house, that i completely lost it.  yes, i opened my mouth...

i am sharing today at 5 minutes for faith about my struggle with my words.  i would love for you to stop by!

charis

if you could change just one thing

word for the day:  change

start.

if there was one thing you could change, what would it be?

one thing.  one thing only? 

well, i would have treated my relationships a lot more soberly.  i would listen more.  listen deeper.  less thinking about what i was going to say next and more looking straight in the eyes and hearing the heart.

i would say what needed to be said.  less small talk and filling the awkward gaps of silence and more truth, as hard as it may be to hear and even to say, spoken with the love of a friend.  too many times have i known deep in the pit of my stomach what should have been said and i failed to say it.

failed to say, don't give up...  
                          He is faithful...
                                  i love you...  
                                         i am here...  
                                              i am sorry.

i have regretted both what i have said too lightly and too deeply what i have not.  

if i could change one thing, i would change the way you and i have interacted.  i would interact with you as one who i long to see found faithful to Him in the end and not as one whose acceptance now i am craving to gain.

i would treat you truly as a friend.

stop.

if you want to join in, the instructions are below.



5 minute friday rules:
1. write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. link back here and invite others to join in.
3. please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

if you write a 5 minute friday, let me know.  i would love to visit your blog and read your heart.


charis

words, words, words

words, words, words. how many words do i speak a day and how many could i have probably gone all day without saying? how many times have you, like i, walked away from a conversation thinking, i wish i wouldn't have said that or said that much?

when there are many words, transgression is unavoidable,
but he who restrains his lips is wise.
proverbs 10:19

when i looked up the key words in the hebrew the first part basically translates: when there is an abundance of speaking, sin does not cease or does not stop. yikes. i can bear testimony to the truth of that statement in my own life. i have personally experienced the inner fight of trying to keep myself from saying something, usually a complaint i have about another person, and many times losing the battle. i think, well i am sure if i tell just one person it really isn't that bad. how many times have i sinned against people with the words of my mouth in the name of venting?

but everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. james 1:19-20

i would love to say that i had this one down, but if you have read my previous post quick to listen you will know that although it is something i am working towards obtaining, i have not reached it yet. an interesting thought i had was that many times when we vent about how someone has done something wrong to us, which we may or may not have deserved, we are trying to prove ourselves as the righteous victim. but our words that come out of anger, whether we are in touch enough with the inner workings of our hearts to recognize it as such, do not achieve the righteousness of God. basically, my quick reaction to defend myself against another's injustice against me keeps me from encountering the Lord's defense of me and obtaining true righteousness.

deciding to not speak, to not vent, or to not slander with our mouths is not an easy task. i think anyone who tries to claim that they have easily mastered this is a liar. james, who by the way was the brother of Jesus, says that the tongue is so difficult to control that if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well. (james 3:2) he goes on to explain that the tongue is the number one thing that causes us to sin and if we can learn to control the words that come out of it, we have learned what it is to control all the other ways we fall into sin and distance ourselves from God.

here is a challenge: let's try to purposefully talk less during the day, chose to not say a word in our defense when accused or mistreated to the person or to anyone else, and feel the pain inside. it is amazing how everything within screams, "just say something!!!" when i have consciously tried this myself. but if i turn my heart towards the Lord in the midst of the pain it causes my soul, i will see so much good fruit even at the beginning of this journey when it feels like my struggle and stumbling is much more than my victory. then let's take all that pain of feeling the sting of injustice and misunderstanding inside and pour it all out onto the Lord in the secret place of prayer. (see my previous post rend my heart) when we lay aside the comfort from man we open ourselves up to be comforted by the Lord in such a deep way, and He really does want to hear the things burning on our heart and troubling our soul.

blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. matthew 5:4

He is jealous for us to give our broken immature hearts to Him so that He can give us back so much love and comfort in return. i think of it as a type of fasting - a fasting of words. in the words of mike bickle, i want to stop "making myself look like the hero or the victim in my stories." in this journey of knowing and growing in love with Jesus, it will be so difficult but so worth it!

charis