the highest calling

oh boy.  am i feeling sentimental or what?!

eight years ago today i became a mom for the very first time.  i know this is a special day for my happy boy, but it is also a special day for me. (if you want a good cry, read my post about him last year called the Lord has made me happy).

it is the 8 year anniversary of the most rewarding and hardest calling of my entire life - being a mom.

i have read many wonderful blog posts across the internet about the joys and the trials of being a mom.  i feel like there is so much encouragement available out there for christian moms who are in the trenches of raising kids who love the Lord.

even at the expense of all of you saying that i am sounding like that little old lady in target telling you to "enjoy them now because they grow up too quickly," i will say that it does go by awfully fast and even i (still in the trenches of an 8 year old, 6 year old, 4 year old, 18 mos old, and being 7.5 mos pregnant) find myself grasping for ways to slow time down.  life is not easy being a mom, but it is worth it.

sometimes i find myself grumbling and complaining about piles of dirty socks and shoes in the middle of the kitchen floor, the cheerios all over and under the table, the cap-less markers strewn through the house, the eternal laundry piles of clean and dirty clothes, moldy orange peels left in the lunch bags, and fingerprints everywhere.  and then i think of families i know, rather closely in fact, who have lost this all in one single day.

i stop and realize, this could all be taken away from me in a single moment...

both the messes and the mess-makers.

so i find myself following ann's lead and counting my grace gifts, for that is what they are... all gifts.

thank you Lord for the never ending stinky, dirty, mud-stained piles of clothes.

thank you Lord for the pee on the floor i stepped in walking into the bathroom, since i share the only bathroom in the house with 5, soon to be 6, boys.

thank you Lord for the mess (resembling vaguely a war-torn downtown bagdad) in the back of my minivan.

thank you Lord for the evidence that there is life all around me.

i am thankful for today because i know i am not promised a thousand tomorrows.

in fact tomorrow may never come.  if it doesn't, every one of the past 8 years of days have been the most amazing gift anyone has ever given me.

and if this is all i ever get, not one day more or one day less, i can honestly say it is all worth it.

every single sleepless night.  every single backache.  every single moment losing my food while pregnant.  every single obstacle to breastfeed.  every single worried moment spent in the hospital with a child.  every single frustration with learning this thing called consistency and discipline.  every single tear that has fallen.  every single time i am late and tired and grouchy and worn out from the trials and tribulations called being a mom.

all of it is worth it because all of it is a gift.

and when i stand before the Lord and give an account for my life, how i used my time, my words, and my resources, i will say thank you for the honor of entrusting these little ones to me.  thank you for the cross i got to bear, with joy, to serve and love and pour out my life that they may know You and the power of Your resurrection. 

i get to be a mom and it is the highest calling i will ever have.

if i lead thousands in worship...

if i speak before hundreds of thousands proclaiming the gospel...

if i get to fund the biggest missions movement in history with the resources God blesses me with...
none of these - none-  compare to getting to lead these little ones day by day to a life of faithfully walking with the Lord.

i serve a God who sees what is done is secret.  i am so thankful that though the life of a mom may be unglamorous to most, the reward will be great when it counts.

thank you asher for making me a mom.

it is the greatest gift i have been given besides the promise of eternal life from my Savior. 

happy birthday son. i love you.

charis

get me a lock... a big one.

i had so much fun last week that today i am again linking up with the gypsy mama for 5 minute friday.  i love meeting new people, so if you are visiting from the link up, let me know in the comments below so i can go read your post as well!


5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

word for the day: trust

start.

wow, what a word for the day.

i guess it is as good of a time as any to get a bit vulnerable and -shudder- maybe try out a bit of that trust thing.

when i was in college i actually wrote my senior thesis on the word trust.  i had many wounds, recent and older, that made me want desperately to find in the Bible a strong case for not trusting people.  i was hurting and some of the wounds were incredibly fresh and painful and i didn't want to open myself up to that type of hurt again.

image by MeiTeng

building up some strong walls sounded good to me.  even a fortress.

i wasn't sure how i was going to write an entire thesis on proving my point, but my professor was up for seeing what i came up with.

i found in all i could research both in the Word and in pop psychology that no matter how much pain i was in, it was the wrong move to lock up my heart in efforts to not experience pain again.

i found trust is vital for a baby to develop to end up being a healthy adult (emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally).

i found the example of the life of Jesus to bring me to bittersweet tears in the fact that He trusted and allowed people close, even knowing the deceitful hearts of men.  i went through the whole gamut of emotions about this - anger, confusion, denial, and finally acceptance of the hard road ahead of opening up my heart again even after being hurt.

i was in wonder thinking about how Jesus treated both judas and peter - both denying Him... and He restoring the one who didn't take his life in regret and shame.  i doubt i would have the strength or foresight to trust "my church" to the one who had just told everyone they didn't know me while i could actually see them saying it... one who claimed to be my closest friend.

stop.

well, that is five minutes.  what i would add is this - i found Jesus' incredible example of how He lived a life of forgiveness and mercy to those who most definitely did not deserve it the most amazing example of trust i have ever seen. 

in the process of writing my senior thesis, the Holy Spirit encountered my own deceitful heart with this same mercy.  i heard the Lord whisper to me when i asked Him in angry tears what He wanted from me - will you love my people?  waves of mercy washed up over my hurting heart and brought an initial healing to the brokenness that i have had to walk out over the years.

Jesus was never naive nor ignorant of the capacity and ability in man to deceive and wound others, and yet we are the ones He chose to surround Himself with and to give His life for on the cross.

if He can give His life, i can choose to unlock my heart.

how about you?  are you going through some trust issues that i can support you in prayer?  what testimonies of overcoming broken trust can you share with us to encourage us all in our journeys?

charis

when life doesn't make sense

sorry i haven't been on for a couple days.  i actually had a different post i wanted to put up on monday, (which now you will have to wait for!), but our internet has been down for the past couple days.  let's just say that my in laws who live in a 3rd world country have a better connection than we do.  hopefully we are getting that taken care of soon!

today i am at 5 minutes for faith writing a guest post about when life just doesn't make sense.  here is just a snippet:

He is near the broken hearted.  i imagine Jesus’ favorite place to be is sitting right next to each one of us when we feel the most alone and unseen.  He loves at just that precise moment to wrap His arms around us and tell us He is for us and not against us.

for He is not a God who is far removed...

click here to read the rest and to add your thoughts!  leave a comment and let me know you read it and if you can relate.

thanks 5 minutes for faith for the opportunity to guest post.

charis

just 4 of the many things

just 4 of the many things i love about this kid who is turning 4 today

1. he is a great helper.  whenever his daddy has a project he is working on, david wants to be right in the middle of it all, learning how it is done, and being a part of getting it done.  he is going to know how to do lots of different things when he is older. 

2. he is very funny.  this kid has a great sense of humor and makes jokes that are actually funny (and has for quite a while).  he is goofy and silly and a big clown.  he is always making us laugh and lightening the atmosphere when it is tense. 

3. he was my easiest baby.  when you have had 4 kids, soon to have 5, you usually have an opinion on who was hard and who was easy and perspective of what hard and easy are because you can compare your experiences.  now, i really have never had that hard of a baby (thankfully!) - clingy ones at times, but never colicky or anything like that.  but... david was like so easy it was crazy.  he slept.  he was happy.  he loved to snuggle, but wasn't clingy.  he fit right into the family without any crazy awkward transition.  he was such an easy and fun baby.

4. he is not afraid to be his own person.  david loves and looks up to his older brothers, but he is completely happy doing his own thing.  being number three i would wonder if he would feel pressure to live up to the older 2, but he is happy playing with them when it is something he is excited about and doing something on his own if he is interested in something different.  even when his brothers ask, at times beg, him to do something specific that they want to do, he is totally secure saying no and doesn't fall into peer pressure even at a young age.  he picks out his own clothing and wears interesting combos, to say the least.  many times his clothes, especially his shirts, are backwards or inside out and his shoes on the wrong feet or mismatched (the classic is two mismatched left shoes).  if i ask him about it, he just replies, "i am okay with it."  he is his own little guy. 

for more about my sweet david, read a bit about him and his crazy birth (no graphic info, it is safe) in my post last year 1.2.3.4...

happy birthday david!  i love you!

charis

what is real?

today for the first time i am linking up with the gypsy mama in 5 minute friday.  i have read these on a couple different blogs i frequent and have always thought it would be fun to join in, but never have yet.  well, today is the day!


5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

word for the day: real

what is real?

so many times it is hard to distinguish what is reality...  fiction or fact?

for me, a lot of times my emotions guide what i believe to be real.  because i feel something strongly, i start to believe it to be reality when it actually could be a complete figment of my imagination.  emotions are strong and they are great indicators of the health of the soul.  however they are not great guides for reality.

i am reminded of the passage in philippians when paul encouraged the church he was incredibly fond of to fix their mind on what is real:

finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.  philippians 4:8

how often do we struggle with dwelling on these very things?  i don't know about you, but i have a rough time when life gets stressful or emotions get charged to pull up out of the muck and align my spirit with truth and not be lead by what feels real in the moment.

let us walk forward today asking the Holy Spirit to open our eyes to what is real and what is only our perception, and think on the things that align our spirit with His.

charis