a contest that would be a great baby gift for me (hint, hint)

well, the title of this blog alone should give a big hint to what it is about.  

i never really blog about this kind of stuff... usually just my thoughts and such.   however, since i am expecting my 4th child and have loved my maya wrap ring sling, (which i lost and need to replace soon), i am going to post about a contest a blog i follow is having.  my friend who is also a mom to 4 kids is having a contest on her blog where anyone could win a ergo baby carrier!  what a great replacement for my lost sling, right?!  that is what i am saying to myself as i hope i win. 

whether you have small kids and would want to enter the contest yourself or not, her blog is worth checking out.  she is a homeschool mom who does a lot of gardening, projects with her kids, mills her own grain and makes her own bread, and awesome believer... basically my kind of gal (and she follows this blog).  so here is the link... check her out.  but don't ruin my chances of winning too much, unless you want to give me that carrier as a shower gift.  (just a suggestion. hint, hint.)

click here to find her blog

charis

faith like a mustard seed

it has been two months since i last posted on here!  two long months of feeling the icky sickness of the beginnings of a pregnancy, and i hope so badly that i am pulling out of it soon.  the things a momma endures to bring forth new life... it amazes me.

God is a God who answers prayer!  my husband's brother is getting married in st. louis at the end of february, and back in october when he told us the date my heart sank that we would most likely not be able to go.  my youngest turns two the first week of february, so we are now a family of 5 plane tickets... yikes!  my husband and i talked about it back when the date first came up and i told him how little faith i had that we could actually get the money together to go.  we already live primarily off of missionary style support, which has stretched my faith enormously this last year, and the wedding would be following not only christmas, but also all our our kids birthdays (3 between jan 29-feb 12).  not only that, but it would be during a time of year that giving is traditionally down because of people tightening their belts after the holidays and getting geared up for taxes.  i told him that i actually didn't feel that i had any faith whatsoever to pray for God to provide it for us.  i have been praying this past year for so many needs and this was a just a want.  it is hard to admit it, but i had no faith for God to provide for my want and really didn't want to be disappointed.

so... my husband started praying with our three kids for God to provide the money.  we would need about $2000 to go, which was only so low because of amazing airfare offered by southwest airlines.  everyday they would pray that God would bring the money we need to go to the wedding, see their grandma and grandpa (who were flying in from guatemala where they are missionaries), see their cousins, and go to kansas city.  most of the time they didn't pray around me, but the times they did i was brought to tears by their untainted faith that God was going to bring the needed money in just because they asked.

we had a couple neat things happen.  someone left $300 in cash in my husband's bag one day.  we were $300 closer, but still so far away from even just buying the plane tickets and the deadline we had set to decide was getting closer.  finally, the day before the deadline, my husband decided to write our supporters to ask for their help.  we hadn't even been able to mail the letters out yet, but that sunday morning on the way to church my kids and my husband prayed in the car for God to provide.  while standing in line to check my son into his sunday school class, a friend walked up to me and put a check for $100 in my hand written out to me.  she said she felt like she was supposed to give it to us.  later that afternoon my mom told me she wanted to buy one of the tickets, which is about $200.  so... we were closer, but not there yet.  that evening my grandma gave each of my kids a bag of quarters and a dollar bill.  asher, my 5 year old, counted his money.  he announced he had $3.  i told him he could save it towards something he wanted to buy.  he said he already knew what he wanted to spend it on.  i dismissed it, but as soon as we got in the car to go home he told us, "well, God provided $9 more for our trip!"  he was referring to the money that my grandma had given each of the kids for their penny banks.  he wanted to use the money to fly us on our trip.  i cried on the car ride home.

the next day was our deadline and it came and went without any more money.  we weren't sure what to do since my husband still really wanted the whole family to go, but without owning credit cards buying tickets without the money in the bank is not an option.  so he said, let's just wait.  so we did.  we waited about a week, looking at the plane tickets making sure they didn't go up.  the following tuesday while i was teaching piano lessons one of my students told me she had a new year's present for me.  she handed me a check for $700.  she isn't one of our supporters, nor had i told her yet how we were trying to go to kansas city and the wedding in st. louis.  i just looked at the check, then at her, and said, "um, how can you do this?"  she herself lives on support and i knew she didn't just have an extra $700 lying around.  i was so shocked, blessed, surprised, and anxious to tell my family that we had the money to buy the tickets!!

i shared the story that night with our home group and started crying.  the Lord had told me at the beginning on 2009 that He was going to teach me that year what it was the live by faith.  when i look at my journey the past 10 months, i have learned more than anything how small my faith really is.  we have been very low on money at several points with no way of knowing how to pay the bills, and somehow God has provided in the most unusual ways.  however, none of that was because i was so powerful in my faith.  it was such a struggle to trust Him to provide for my needs that to ask for something that was just a desire that i didn't really need to survive was naturally difficult after such a stripping process this year.  but i think what i have learned most through it all is He doesn't take care of us because we have great faith.  He takes care of us because He is Faithful.  He can work with the smallest amount of faith... even that as small as the smallest seed of the mustard tree.

we still need a little more money in order to rent a car while we are there and pay incidentals, but i think it will come in.  my children were a great example and reminder to me of what it looks like to believe like a child - to trust in the character of God's goodness and not take past disappointments or struggles in life to define who He is.   He is so faithful to me.

charis

therefore i have hope

i was in the watch of the Lord prayer room this week, with no kids may i add because my wonderful husband kept them home so i could go spend time with the Lord by myself, and i had an urging to read the book of lamentations.  just the title of the book sounds depressing, right?  to lament is to grieve.  maybe that is why i have subconsciously avoided reading this book the past several years. 

the book of lamentations was mostly likely written by the prophet jeremiah during the fall of jerusalem in 586bc.  some of what was happening that was recorded is seemingly unbelievable, yet very true of the current state of the people in jerusalem.  it is amazing that in a book like this that accounts such a sad time in israel's history that i would find such encouragement.  this seems to be the way of the bible, and the way of the Lord.  in the darkest times the light shines the brightest.  in the midst of the opportunity for despair, there is the same opportunity for overwhelming hope. 

i was pleased to find that this following passage from lamentations was the inspiration for thomas chisholm when he wrote the words of the well known hymn great is thy faithfulness.  in the midst of great darkness and trials, the character of God shines forth brightly bringing hope and comfort.

though i usually quote the bible in the nasb version, i felt so connected to this passage when i read it in the niv, so here it will be such:

i remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. 
i well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.  
yet this i call to mind and therefore i have hope:
because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.
they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 
i say to myself, "the Lord is my portion; therefore i will wait for Him." 
the Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him;  
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
it is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.  
let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. 
let him bury his face in the dust-- there may yet be hope.  
let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace. 
for men are not cast off by the Lord forever.
though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.
for He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men. 
                                                                       lamentations 3:19-33

what a God we serve!  His steadfast character remains regardless of the circumstances around us.  so great is His faithfulness.  it is in Him we have hope.

charis

hope

tomorrow is the first thanksgiving for our family.  well, not exactly true.  we had one thanksgiving meal today in asher's kindergarten class with all the fixings.  we also had thanksgiving in october with my husband's family while his parents were in town visiting before moving back to guatemala after being in the states for the past 12 years.  so, i guess in a way, this is our third of four thanksgivings this year.

a family tradition around our parts, and i am sure around many of yours, is to share something we are thankful for.  there are many things that come to mind, but i would say that the one that jumps out and grabs me right now is how thankful i am for hope.  it doesn't matter how much may be going on in life, good, bad, or just busy, with hope it all is put into perspective.  hope isn't something that has always come easy for me.  sometimes it is quite the battle to hold on and not be afraid of disappointment.  but the apostle paul said in romans 5:3-5:

and not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

i do not always, (okay honestly pretty much never), like going through the tribulations of life, but i long for that hope that does not disappoint.   so though i have been going through it and at times it has been a struggle in both my heart and mind, i am thankful most of all for hope.

i want to leave you with my favorite verse of my favorite hymn of all times, great is Thy faithfulness.  my cousin leah mari valenzuela recently released a cd of all hymns called all i have needed with great is Thy faithfulness being the closer song and the title track.   i was privileged to be one of the many family members singing the background choir for her on my favorite hymn.  so, though i love all three verses, here is the one that always brings me to tears because it is my prayer and promise for which i am most thankful: hope.

pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide
strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
blessing all mine with ten thousand beside


great is Thy faithfulness, great is Thy faithfulness
morning by morning new mercies i see
all i have needed Thy hand hath provided
great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me

what are you thankful for this year?

charis

lacking inspiration

sometimes i think that i need to be really inspired before i can post on my blog.  but not every moment is one of great inspiration.  we all have great moments of inspiration in life, but a lot of life is the mundane journey from the mountaintop to the next mountaintop.   i am someone who oftentimes overlooks the value of just the journey, especially when i am not particularly "feeling it."  but to even allow myself to dwell in the moments on no revelation, no inspiration, and no motivation, i am allowing myself to experience life.

it is a beautiful fall day.  fall is my favorite season of the year because i love all the colors, smells, and changes that fall encompasses.  fall also feels like the start of new things - the beginning of the year.  i should be outside enjoying the crisp fall weather, but i am not sure if i can muster up the motivation to just get out there to enjoy it.  maybe i will just end my blog today right here and go soak up some of the best season of the year. 

charis