a surprise waiting in the wilderness

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two weeks ago a friend of mine who is doing a series on the song of solomon on her blog every wednesday emailed me and asked me if i would like to write a guest post.  she told me i could pick any part of the book that i wanted to focus on.  i immediately knew what chapter i would write about that was so near and dear to my heart i had even written a song out of it.  here is a little taste of my post.

you will have to go visit barbie at a freshly brewed life to read the whole story of my journey to encountering God.

i had always described my dry and painful seasons as my wilderness seasons.  we all have them.  they are the times when we feel the most hidden: invisible really.  we feel that we are walking around in circles through a hot desert and all that we want is a cool drink of water... the touch of the Holy Spirit upon our dry hearts.  we can look for miles in all directions and see nothing.  i used to despise the wilderness.  i thought it was punishment for somehow doing something wrong... 

i was sure that the dry wilderness i found myself in was something of my own making... somehow my own fault.  i did not know then what i know now...

go to my freshly brewed life to read the rest of my very first guest blog post where i describe my surprising discovery about the wilderness seasons.  leave a comment both here and there so i know you read it.

i am looking forward to hearing your feedback! 

charis

He is worthy

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some days it is easier to be thankful than others.  sometimes it just seems so obvious all that He has done in our lives.  other days, we struggle to see His activity.  but regardless of how much our hearts are moved in any particular moment, He is always active in our lives and He is always faithful.  He is the God who never fails us. 

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we give thanks every day, not because we feel like it but because

He is worthy.  

enter His gates with thanksgiving 
and His courts with praise. 
give thanks to Him, 
bless His name.
psalm 100:4

241 - 251:

241. feeling the Holy Spirit on my heart while I play the piano and worship Jesus.

242. my brother and sister (and their spouses) who graciously watched my kiddos while bill and i went to a house of prayer gathering for the day out of town.

243. plums off of our little plum tree in the backyard.

244. my sister picking blueberries for me at a you-pick place.  fresh yummy blueberries.

245. the discipline of having to write what i am thankful for, so i have to focus on being thankful even when i do not feel like it.

246. my kids napping/resting all at the same time so i can have time by myself to spend with the Lord.

247. enough grace for this moment.  then more grace for the next moment.  moment by moment.

248. a friend's simple encouragement this weekend, "you are a good mom."  it meant the world to me.

249. my generous parents-  every sunday having lunch at their house, their treat.

250. my chickens, even though they angered me by eating my bell pepper plants in the garden.

251. the fact that He hasn't failed me yet. 


i am linked up at a holy experience.

what are you thankful for?
please share in the comments below.

charis

simple woman's daybook 6.24.11

 

for today:

outside my window... it is a bright beautiful blue sky day!  it is supposed to be in the 90's - a mild summer day around here.

i am thinking... about an upcoming guest post i am doing.  watch for it!  i will let you know when it is up and give you the link to go check it out.

i am thankful... for so much!  one thing in particular is that i was able to spend time with a dear friend who happens to also be one of our partners (and who was also one of my college roommates).  i love when there is a still that heart connect with someone over the years even when we do not live in the same place or get to talk all the time... but it is still there.  i think it is evidence of the Holy Spirit.

remembering... how fast this past year has flown by when i look at my little guy cruise around furniture and realize he is almost 1!  how do little ones grow up so quickly?!  i have adored each and every season of their lives, but i must say i always have fond memories of the baby days.  i think i am a baby addict.

from the learning rooms... well, since it is summer, we decided to do a library reading program with our kiddos.  asher has flown through the simple bookmarks where you color in the picture for each 20 minutes that you read.  he is reading sometimes 2 hours a day or more!  right now he is working on re-reading (yes, i just did say re-reading, as in reading for the 2nd time) the entire chronicles of narnia.  did i fail to mention that he is 7, just finished up with 1st grade?  i do not know how to keep up with this kid.  if we home-schooled him, i bet he could graduate in like a year or two!  okay, so i kid.  kinda.  there is no way i would let my genius child graduate at 9.

from the kitchen... so... you may think i am a bit strange and crazy (unless you are a strange crazy real foodie like me), but lately i have been really into water kefir.  i know, several of you may be scratching your heads thinking, what?  she is fermenting water?!!  yes, it is true.  probiotics, you know?  though i do not write about food much here on my blog, lots of the blogs i personally subscribe to in my google reader are blogs about natural living and real food.  my own dad wonders where i came from?!  oh my. 

i was making homemade yogurt for the probiotic benefits, but two (and a 3rd suspect) of my kids struggle with digesting lactose, so i am trying the water kefir route to avoid the dairy yet get all the probiotic benefits.  so far, so good.  my favorite one right now?  well, i have been adding a bit of vanilla extract (homemade of course) and half a cinnamon stick and it is creme soda-ish.  i have also been adding it to our summer smoothies.  even bill approves, but he is always up for my crazy food schemes.
 

i am wearing... well, i am not quite ready for the day yet... but i assure you today i will be in shorts, a tank and flip flops.  that is the way we dress around here in the summer.

i am creating... more headbands for my lovely etsy store.  i am sorry i have neglected it as of late, but life has just been so busy and flying by!  the good news is i listed a new one last night and it was already featured on a treasury.  so fun!

i am going... to an all house of prayer gathering in roseville this weekend.  i am looking forward to connecting with the other house of prayer folk in california.  i am hoping for some good heart connects and encouragement.

i am reading... the book of luke in my Bible reading challenge.  i am both enjoying reading the gospels and being so challenged by the words and life of Jesus as i read.  so many times christianity can become so status quo, at least for me personally, and then when i come face to face with our Savior and His life i am challenged to change and shaken out of the comfortable.

i am hoping... to go camping this summer.  we are working out the detail of a little trip to lake siskiyou and i am so looking forward to it.

i am hearing... the sound of the boys' pencils coloring on paper and coloring books at the table and the baby boy crawl around exploring.  it is actually pretty quiet in here for 4 little boys, and yet no one is "into" anything.

around the house... i have been rather overwhelmed by this area of my life.  does it not seem like there is no possible way to catch up or keep up on the house?  it is such a huge job and i would love to hire like a dozen people to knock off all the things on our to do list around here!  anyone willing to work for the dazzling pay of a good dinner?

  
one of my favorite things... is summer time.  i just love blue skies, sunshine, (even the heat, yes even the heat), hanging out by water, spending time outdoors, big salads as the main course, fresh fruit and lots of it, camping trips, longer days, and on and on.

pondering... the topic that i am writing my guest post on... in working on it i have had the opportunity to reflect on past seasons of my life which felt excruciatingly difficult and it is amazing to realize God's faithfulness in the midst.  they say that hindsight is 20/20 right?  (who are they infamous they anyways?  they always say the smartest things.)

a few plans for the rest of the week: i already mentioned how we are going to spend time with other houses of prayer in california.  other than that, i believe our weekend consists of going to church and spending time with my family.  sunday for us is always family time.  we have had sunday lunch (which 90% of the time is pizza) with my parents and siblings every sunday for, well, forever.  it is a great tradition.

picture for the day:

this is my newly listed headband at my store.  so summery, huh?!  

i am linked up with other lovely ladies at the simple woman's daybook.  

charis

how to find true joy

i want to be happy.  we all do, right?

i want to experience the depths of true joy... perfect joy.  it is an innate within every human being to crave this perfect joy... this elusive perfect joy.  with great achievement that i believed would bring me the satisfaction i was longing for, i have found hollow numbness.  in conquest and victory the depth of bliss is so superficial, it is surprising.  it is God's will for me to experience this sweetness of true joy, but how, i have often wondered, is this sweetness i have imagined and know to be possible actually realized?

someone shared this story of st. francis with me a couple years ago and it has stuck with me unlike many stories i have heard.  i could not express better what st. francis described as perfect joy to brother leo while they were on a walk one bitterly cold winter day.  conviction gripped my heart... it still grips me, as my vision for joy was not high enough.  i had foolishly imagined that i could maintain my rights and still experience the fullness of joy that Jesus walked in... that He longs for us to be immersed in.

one day in winter, as st francis was going with brother leo from perugia to st mary of the angels, and was suffering greatly from the cold, he called to brother leo, who was walking on before him, and said to him: "brother leo, if it were to please God that the friars minor should give, in all lands, a great example of holiness and edification, write down, and note carefully, that this would not be perfect joy." 

a little further on, st francis called to him a second time: "o brother leo, if the friars minor were to make the lame to walk, if they should make straight the crooked, chase away demons, give sight to the blind, hearing to the deaf, speech to the dumb, and, what is even a far greater work, if they should raise the dead after four days, write that this would not be perfect joy." 

shortly after, he cried out again: "o brother leo, if the friars minor knew all languages; if they were versed in all science; if they could explain all Scripture; if they had the gift of prophecy, and could reveal, not only all future things, but likewise the secrets of all consciences and all souls, write that this would not be perfect joy." 

after proceeding a few steps farther, he cried out again with a loud voice: "o brother leo, thou little lamb of God! if the friars minor could speak with the tongues of angels; if they could explain the course of the stars; if they knew the virtues of all plants; if all the treasures of the earth were revealed to them; if they were acquainted with the various qualities of all birds, of all fish, of all animals, of men, of trees, of stones, of roots, and of waters - write that this would not be perfect joy." 

shortly after, he cried out again: "o brother leo, if the friars minor had the gift of preaching so as to convert all infidels to the faith of Christ, write that this would not be perfect joy." 

now when this manner of discourse had lasted for the space of two miles, brother leo wondered much within himself; and, questioning the saint, he said: "father, i pray thee teach me wherein is perfect joy."

st francis answered: "if, when we shall arrive at st mary of the angels, all drenched with rain and trembling with cold, all covered with mud and exhausted from hunger; if, when we knock at the convent-gate, the porter should come angrily and ask us who we are; if, after we have told him, we are two of the brethren', he should answer angrily, what ye say is not the truth; ye are but two impostors going about to deceive the world, and take away the alms of the poor; begone i say'; if then he refuse to open to us, and leave us outside, exposed to the snow and rain, suffering from cold and hunger till nightfall - then, if we accept such injustice, such cruelty and such contempt with patience, without being ruffled and without murmuring, believing with humility and charity that the porter really knows us, and that it is God who maketh him to speak thus against us, write down, o brother leo, that this is perfect joy. 

and if we knock again, and the porter come out in anger to drive us away with oaths and blows, as if we were vile impostors, saying, 'begone, miserable robbers! to the hospital, for here you shall neither eat nor sleep!' - and if we accept all this with patience, with joy, and with charity, o brother leo, write that this indeed is perfect joy. 

and if, urged by cold and hunger, we knock again, calling to the porter and entreating him with many tears to open to us and give us shelter, for the love of God, and if he come out more angry than before, exclaiming, 'these are but importunate rascals, i will deal with them as they deserve'; and taking a knotted stick, he seize us by the hood, throwing us on the ground, rolling us in the snow, and shall beat and wound us with the knots in the stick - if we bear all these injuries with patience and joy, thinking of the sufferings of our Blessed Lord, which we would share out of love for Him, write, o brother leo, that here, finally, is perfect joy. 

source                       

when we suffer and are mistreated and anger no longer has a hold on our hearts...

- then -

we have found true joy.

                                              perfect.

                                                            joy.

counting gifts...

223 - 240:

223.  time to get away to starbucks to study the book of isaiah while my dear hubby watches the kids.

224.  living near so much family and getting to spend time together.

225. my amazing daddy who is a great father and friend.

226. winter clothes put away, organized and stored for the next child to grow into, and summer clothes hung and ready.

227. plants growing in the garden.

228. a new gallon of coconut oil in the cupboard.

229. sparkly pink eyeshadow.

230. little hands of my boys praying for me to overcome anger.

231. vision to know this perfect joy.

232. watching my husband perform a wedding ceremony and love welling up inside because i know he is living all that he is charging the young couple to do.

233. a dear little boy passed out in his charming little suit after a long night at the wedding.

234. an encouraging chat with a friend over ichat - being filled with courage to keep going.

235. t-ball practice in the smoldering summer sun.

236. build-your-own burrito father's day.

237. divine protection over my children when a dresser fell sunday morning.  not one was hurt.  the dresser is now anchored to the wall.

238. connecting with my husband in prayer bringing our burdens to the Lord together.

239. my grandma who always bakes extra of whatever special something she is baking so there is enough to send home to us.

240. a slow dance at a wedding with a husband who only dances as an act of sacrificial love.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

do you have vision to see what He has waiting for you?

charis

you cannot have it all

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i cannot do it all.  i cannot have it all.

                                                               whatever is this all anyways??

some days it feels as if i cannot even do anything. 

someone asked a while back how i get everything done.  how, might you ask, do i balance being a mom of four boys, teach piano lessons, cook wholesome meals, be involved in a house of prayer ministry, maintain a house, pursue creative outlets, lead worship, have friends, pursue a relationship with God,  cultivate a healthy marriage, and on and on and on?  well, the simple answer is that i don't.

i am always coming up short.

i know a blog can look like someone has it all together and can juggle all the balls of life without ever having one fall.  the reality for me is that some days i don't only drop one of the balls, but they all come crashing down on the floor.

i have one big fat to do list that never gets checked off.  i push items from today back to tomorrow... and then the next day... and the next.  

just like everyone else, i am a broken human being who has big desires to become something, to do something worthwhile with my life, to accomplish this list of to dos.  just like everyone else, i fall short so many times in so many areas. 

my husband was telling me last night, really all human beings are the same. there is comfort for me in this: you and i, sitting possibly on opposite sides of the planet, are really more alike than we realize.  we can relate.  we have hopes and dreams.  we have weaknesses and failures.  there is no one who is that image we try to live up to that does it all and has it all.

that person just doesn't really exist.

you cannot have it all.

you cannot do it all.

but you can do what is before you and you can have what is in reach.  

for me, right now, it is a fussy baby pulling at me as i try to type out this blog post.  

this fussy baby.

photo by myriah grubbs

and yet, there are things that will not get done as i choose him over choosing my all important to do list.

for me, being in full time ministry, sometimes i have to choose between my involvement level in ministry and the needs of my family.  i cannot do it all.  but this means in all practicality that there are things that will not get done.  

i would love to write more on the topic of balancing family and ministry (or whatever work or activity has been put before you).  i have written before about the tension between balancing life and finding time with God.   but for now i will just leave you with the encouragement that you are not alone if you are feeling like you aren't measuring up.

we are all the same.  there are no super humans.  

we are broken and weak...

                                            yet sincere and beautiful.

a wise man once called it dark yet lovely...

charis