Monday, April 25, 2011

when expectations come crashing down

yesterday... our second family picture of the six of us.  last one was when simeon was 3 weeks old.

i had high expectations for today.  today, however, did not turn out the way i was hoping it would.  i don't know if it was the wind outside, the crash from the sugar high yesterday, the change in routine with all the kids home, or maybe none of us got quite enough sleep and woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  whatever the reasons that i may never know, i found myself already looking forward to tomorrow and starting over again before it was even noon.

in the midst of 4 little people who are not being fun to be with and a stuffy head and sneezy nose clouding my mental processing abilities, i was sorely lacking in the fourth fruit of the spirit.   and yet, i was not unaware of the struggle inside of myself - something that often i don't notice until after the fact.

all day long i have felt weak, broken, impatient, disappointed... frustrated with my inability to make lemonade from the lemons before me.  i am poor in spirit. 

and as my recent prayers have centered around asking for the Lord to teach me humility, this very day may be an answer to my prayers.  the first step towards humility is seeing my own poverty of spirit - my own lack to do it all in my own strength.

for it is then i cry out for Him to come meet me.

blessed are those...

in the midst of it all, the tough days right along side the shining ones, there is always the grace that i need. sometimes what i am lacking are the eyes to see it.  He is the God of more than enough and He gives to me over and over again so that thankfulness can overflow everyday.  i learn to say thanks for days like today when i take one more step towards knowing Him.  i will say like the apostle james that i count it all joy.

105 - 123:

105. soft, rolly, chunky baby arms and legs.

106. little boys in white polo shirts and plaid.

107. the God-Man who died on the cross for me.

108. an empty tomb on a sunday morning.

109. sweet organic grape tomatoes.

110. green knitting needles.

111. a finished fence in the backyard!

112. my amazing canon camera that i record the memories of life with... still amazed that it is mine.

113. breaking the bread and drinking the cup tonight with my husband and 4 boys.

114. confessing my sin before my children - one step closer to living a life of humility.

115. the opportunity to pray and talk to the Eternal God.

116. leaves starting to cover the trees with green and more green.

117. the whirring sounds of the dishwasher.

118. my five year old spelling out, "i   l-o-v-e   y-o-u   m-o-m" on his way to bed.  makes me smile and the hardness of the day melts.

119. songs about Jesus.

120. enjoying the ones God chose for me as siblings and the spouses they chose to add to my list of siblings.

121. sitting behind my parents at church and watching them both hold their two youngest grandbabies asleep.

122. chocolate.  

123. knowing that tomorrow is another day.  His mercies are new every morning.

i am linked up at a holy experience.  thank you for all who visit just to read my list of gifts.  i always love hearing what my readers are thankful for as well.

what has He given to you?

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